I've been thinking about whether or not I should attempt to join a small group at church. It sounds like such groups meet in people's houses. I'm concerned that if it goes badly I may stop attending church altogether for years, maybe permanently.
I am an introvert, and I have social anxiety and something akin to aspergers. I find that my social anxiety is especially bad when I'm around other Christians or anybody who I'd like to be friends with. On Sunday mornings, it is a struggle to talk myself into going to church. In fact, it can take months or years to finally talk myself into going. Once (if) I get there, I get really uncomfortable if someone sits within a few seats beside me or right behind me or if the person sitting in the row in front of me sits down while everyone is standing up (I seem to have an expansive personal space bubble when I'm in church). During times when people are supposed to mingle, I do my best to avoid making eye contact with anyone and look like I'm busy reading the bulletin or something. Another situation that I have trouble with is going to somebody's house or having somebody in my house. I don't know what to say or do with myself and it ends up being awkward and uncomfortable for everybody. I know I'm not imagining that it's uncomfortable for the other people because they have told me that I make them uncomfortable.
I really do want to have friends, but I've had some really bad experiences that have left me the way I am. My social anxiety wasn't always this intense, and it gets worse every time I put myself out there and get burnt. I've tried therapy several times and have been told that what normally works for other people won't work for me due to aspergers.
So now I've spent the last couple of years considering whether I should try joining a small group because it seems like that is the thing Christians are supposed to do and I really would like to have a friend or two who I could study the Bible with. I've done some reading and it sounds like small groups tend to be uncomfortable for normal introverts and often result in a false sense of close friendship. I'm an abnormally introverted introvert and have had major issues in the past as a result of thinking people were my friends when they were not. If it doesn't go well, I don't know how one gets out of a small group after having joined one or whether I'll be able to convince myself to even go back to church anymore if I join one and then leave.
Any thoughts? Is there anyone else out there even a bit like me who has tried a small group?
I am an introvert, and I have social anxiety and something akin to aspergers. I find that my social anxiety is especially bad when I'm around other Christians or anybody who I'd like to be friends with. On Sunday mornings, it is a struggle to talk myself into going to church. In fact, it can take months or years to finally talk myself into going. Once (if) I get there, I get really uncomfortable if someone sits within a few seats beside me or right behind me or if the person sitting in the row in front of me sits down while everyone is standing up (I seem to have an expansive personal space bubble when I'm in church). During times when people are supposed to mingle, I do my best to avoid making eye contact with anyone and look like I'm busy reading the bulletin or something. Another situation that I have trouble with is going to somebody's house or having somebody in my house. I don't know what to say or do with myself and it ends up being awkward and uncomfortable for everybody. I know I'm not imagining that it's uncomfortable for the other people because they have told me that I make them uncomfortable.
I really do want to have friends, but I've had some really bad experiences that have left me the way I am. My social anxiety wasn't always this intense, and it gets worse every time I put myself out there and get burnt. I've tried therapy several times and have been told that what normally works for other people won't work for me due to aspergers.
So now I've spent the last couple of years considering whether I should try joining a small group because it seems like that is the thing Christians are supposed to do and I really would like to have a friend or two who I could study the Bible with. I've done some reading and it sounds like small groups tend to be uncomfortable for normal introverts and often result in a false sense of close friendship. I'm an abnormally introverted introvert and have had major issues in the past as a result of thinking people were my friends when they were not. If it doesn't go well, I don't know how one gets out of a small group after having joined one or whether I'll be able to convince myself to even go back to church anymore if I join one and then leave.
Any thoughts? Is there anyone else out there even a bit like me who has tried a small group?