I need help with constant guilt which has been acting as a cancer for the past year. Though I have been following Christ for a few years running, my walk has been affected by confusing and strict theology from churches, and frequently feeling unsatisfied with the quality of my family and social life. For example, I have loving and kind parents who love helping me and spending time with me, but when they went to California with me to start this intern that locked me up in anxiety, I felt as if it was my fault for ruining the trip there with my constant worrying about the job I was about to start. Some of my issues were internalized, so I’ve shot myself in the foot a bit, but every time I’ve argued or disagreed with my parents or the ways they try to help me, I feel I create more problems and its all my fault, even though my family members have never said so.
I also feel shame in how I’ve treated women. Problems have abound with me opening up about my struggles to opposite gender friends (particularly mixed groups and church group leaders) who I thought were friends since I frequently hung out with them through church or class, but then I either get the cold shoulder or receive an intense emotional reaction, as if I said something horribly wrong. My confusion was only worsened by my last church’s condemning theology regarding sex, even though I am never been known for relationships revolving around sex, have never married or had sex, and I am remembered for having a gentle nature. Still I feel like a burden to everyone I meet. I feel so dirty and undeserving now I question if I am worthy of even looking ladies in the eye or even speaking to them. Though I am a Christian who adores Christ and tries to follow Him with words, thoughts, and actions, (even with slip-ups) out of response to His love demonstrated on the cross, I still have feelings in the back of my mind that I will still go to Hell because of every sin and mistake I’ve made. How can I overcome these constant feelings of unworthiness and truly accept freedom in Christ? How can I break free from this bout of perfectionism?
I also feel shame in how I’ve treated women. Problems have abound with me opening up about my struggles to opposite gender friends (particularly mixed groups and church group leaders) who I thought were friends since I frequently hung out with them through church or class, but then I either get the cold shoulder or receive an intense emotional reaction, as if I said something horribly wrong. My confusion was only worsened by my last church’s condemning theology regarding sex, even though I am never been known for relationships revolving around sex, have never married or had sex, and I am remembered for having a gentle nature. Still I feel like a burden to everyone I meet. I feel so dirty and undeserving now I question if I am worthy of even looking ladies in the eye or even speaking to them. Though I am a Christian who adores Christ and tries to follow Him with words, thoughts, and actions, (even with slip-ups) out of response to His love demonstrated on the cross, I still have feelings in the back of my mind that I will still go to Hell because of every sin and mistake I’ve made. How can I overcome these constant feelings of unworthiness and truly accept freedom in Christ? How can I break free from this bout of perfectionism?
Last edited: