Always Feeling Guilty

Matthew Frazier said:

I need help with constant guilt which has been acting as a cancer for the past year. Though I have been following Christ for a few years running, my walk has been affected by confusing and strict theology from churches, and frequently feeling unsatisfied with the quality of my family and social life. For example, I have loving and kind parents who love helping me and spending time with me, but when they went to California with me to start this intern that locked me up in anxiety, I felt as if it was my fault for ruining the trip there with my constant worrying about the job I was about to start. Some of my issues were internalized, so I’ve shot myself in the foot a bit, but every time I’ve argued or disagreed with my parents or the ways they try to help me, I feel I create more problems and its all my fault, even though my family members have never said so.

I also feel shame in how I’ve treated women. Problems have abound with me opening up about my struggles to opposite gender friends (particularly mixed groups and church group leaders) who I thought were friends since I frequently hung out with them through church or class, but then I either get the cold shoulder or receive an intense emotional reaction, as if I said something horribly wrong. My confusion was only worsened by my last church’s condemning theology regarding sex, even though I am never been known for relationships revolving around sex, have never married or had sex, and I am remembered for having a gentle nature. I feel so dirty and undeserving now I question if I am worthy of even looking ladies in the eye or even speaking to them. Though I am a Christian who adores Christ and tries to follow Him with words, thoughts, and actions, (even with slip-ups) out of response to His love demonstrated on the cross, I still have feelings in the back of my mind that I will still go to Hell because of every sin and mistake I’ve made. How can I overcome these constant feelings of unworthiness and truly accept freedom in Christ? How can I break free from this bout of perfectionism?

Click to expand...

Dave G. said:

I'm just going to offer this : Breaking free is all about Jesus Christ. It's one thing to say that you speak about Jesus and that you know about Him and the cross, it's another thing to have a personal relationship with Jesus and to agree with Him in regards to your very life. By that I mean, that Jesus said "you must be born again". A sign of not being born again is not knowing if you are secure in heaven. To be born again you must believe in Him and his work on the cross and you must have asked or shown desire for him into your life. Every single born again believer I know has a moment in time that they can refer back to when they had a personal talk with Jesus, saying they needed Him, that they knew it and turned to Him, including myself. With Him comes peace in your heart, assurance of your final destination, a turn in direction in life.. And ultimately a sense of security when speaking with other people. Because it is now not you but He who is in you. This makes all the difference in the world and it can not be produced any other way. It is He who washes the guilt away.

Click to expand...

Matthew Frazier said:

I need help with constant guilt which has been acting as a cancer for the past year. Though I have been following Christ for a few years running, my walk has been affected by confusing and strict theology from churches, and frequently feeling unsatisfied with the quality of my family and social life. For example, I have loving and kind parents who love helping me and spending time with me, but when they went to California with me to start this intern that locked me up in anxiety, I felt as if it was my fault for ruining the trip there with my constant worrying about the job I was about to start. Some of my issues were internalized, so I’ve shot myself in the foot a bit, but every time I’ve argued or disagreed with my parents or the ways they try to help me, I feel I create more problems and its all my fault, even though my family members have never said so.

I also feel shame in how I’ve treated women. Problems have abound with me opening up about my struggles to opposite gender friends (particularly mixed groups and church group leaders) who I thought were friends since I frequently hung out with them through church or class, but then I either get the cold shoulder or receive an intense emotional reaction, as if I said something horribly wrong. My confusion was only worsened by my last church’s condemning theology regarding sex, even though I am never been known for relationships revolving around sex, have never married or had sex, and I am remembered for having a gentle nature. Still I feel like a burden to everyone I meet. I feel so dirty and undeserving now I question if I am worthy of even looking ladies in the eye or even speaking to them. Though I am a Christian who adores Christ and tries to follow Him with words, thoughts, and actions, (even with slip-ups) out of response to His love demonstrated on the cross, I still have feelings in the back of my mind that I will still go to Hell because of every sin and mistake I’ve made. How can I overcome these constant feelings of unworthiness and truly accept freedom in Christ? How can I break free from this bout of perfectionism?

Click to expand...

Matthew Frazier said:

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. This will be a much better thought for me to internalize than some of the other junk Satan throws at me. Thank God that I am not judge by my past works or how hard I work now; you have emphasized this point wonderfully.

Click to expand...

Matthew Frazier said:

Thank you so much for your insightful response. Amen and amen! I both believe in Him and proudly show both in words and actions that I am living for Him, tracing back to every prayer I have confessed early on in my walk, particularly when I first found real love in the Lord about 7 years ago. But with various trials coming up in my life I started to feel distant. But maybe its just a fleshy part of me taking control, which is why I am glad for your precious reminder, as I am hoping to attain security in all of these areas you are speaking of. Thank God its not up to me but Him for this security.

Click to expand...

Matthew Frazier said:

Thanks so much for your wonderful response! I have been oppressed by both my own flesh and by evil. And so thankful too that the old is gone and that I have a God who loved me to the point of making me spotless! I will gladly receive what you have said and will tell the Devil to back off!

Click to expand...