- Mar 20, 2018
- 1
- 2
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Hello everyone. I'm not 100% sure on how this site works but I felt I needed to seek advice and share my experience.
My story
In September I started university, "freshers" led to me experimenting and taking cannabis - a decision I regret every day. During getting high, I started having hallucinations that I was in a puppet show, my future was revealed also- I was trapped, being controlled my whole life and couldn't escape. It was terrifying, my reality had been shattered and I felt betrayal and hopelessness. I went to bed shocked, hoping it would all be okay in the morning. And it was, I felt fine all morning. But after attending a lecture it happened all over again, I saw it, heard it - I was mortified. This happened for the next few days and I had to go home. After receiving advice from councillors, doctors and family, I decided to go back to uni. I was now afraid of the dark, had to fall asleep with one eye open (to prevent flashbacks), and it was on my mind constantly. It is still always on my mind, the fear of it being real and the images and voices playing over. Even hearing the word "puppet" triggered me.
My faith
I grew up with a christian mother, my step dad is an atheist. I have always felt spiritual and that I have a special connection with God - who I feel often times looks upon me like a displeased granddad. My faith weaned through secondary school and during when I was diagnosed with anorexia. I always thought of god, though sometimes I felt betrayed and would rather appease my anorexia than my faith. I also became very interested in psychology, especially biological psychology, which pushed god aside slightly. After my trauma, I got to a point where I could not trust God, or anything of a higher power, especially since God was interconnected with my hallucination (in ways that are too complicated to explain). I started to fear that God was real, because that would mean my hallucinations were true. Although I often prayed to God to help it stop.
My dream
I woke up at 7am today to help my nana move into her new bungalow, though I went back to sleep at 10am. I woke up at 2pm.
during my dream, the beginning was a jumble of and I could not tell you what it was about. Skipping to the important part, I definitely was experiencing a negative emotion while walking down a street somewhere. I was walking to get to somewhere from being somewhere (I'm sorry I can't be more specific), when I was stopped by a man in a funny bomber jacket. He told me to stop what I was doing, he had a funny shaped thin sword in his hand and I felt fear. I thought he was homeless, or a murderer. But then he told me to walk with him, he said God had sent him. I asked him "am I really in a puppet show" instantly. His reply was "not exactly". This made my stomach drop, what exactly did this mean? He took me into a building. It was like my hallucination, but instead of falling into the room and having an audience laugh, I walked beside him and the audience were clapping, I felt less scared, ashamed and helpless. I saw my family and I saw friends I hadn't seen for a while. They hugged me and congratulated me. They said I had nothing to worry about. After this I tried to find my boyfriend (my love for him is unlike anything else, we are soulmates), but I could not.
I eventually woke up. I didn't wake up scared or traumatised as I usually do. I googled the appearance of the saint and found St Maurice, he was black with a big Afro and carried a sword - very similar to in my dream.
My story
In September I started university, "freshers" led to me experimenting and taking cannabis - a decision I regret every day. During getting high, I started having hallucinations that I was in a puppet show, my future was revealed also- I was trapped, being controlled my whole life and couldn't escape. It was terrifying, my reality had been shattered and I felt betrayal and hopelessness. I went to bed shocked, hoping it would all be okay in the morning. And it was, I felt fine all morning. But after attending a lecture it happened all over again, I saw it, heard it - I was mortified. This happened for the next few days and I had to go home. After receiving advice from councillors, doctors and family, I decided to go back to uni. I was now afraid of the dark, had to fall asleep with one eye open (to prevent flashbacks), and it was on my mind constantly. It is still always on my mind, the fear of it being real and the images and voices playing over. Even hearing the word "puppet" triggered me.
My faith
I grew up with a christian mother, my step dad is an atheist. I have always felt spiritual and that I have a special connection with God - who I feel often times looks upon me like a displeased granddad. My faith weaned through secondary school and during when I was diagnosed with anorexia. I always thought of god, though sometimes I felt betrayed and would rather appease my anorexia than my faith. I also became very interested in psychology, especially biological psychology, which pushed god aside slightly. After my trauma, I got to a point where I could not trust God, or anything of a higher power, especially since God was interconnected with my hallucination (in ways that are too complicated to explain). I started to fear that God was real, because that would mean my hallucinations were true. Although I often prayed to God to help it stop.
My dream
I woke up at 7am today to help my nana move into her new bungalow, though I went back to sleep at 10am. I woke up at 2pm.
during my dream, the beginning was a jumble of and I could not tell you what it was about. Skipping to the important part, I definitely was experiencing a negative emotion while walking down a street somewhere. I was walking to get to somewhere from being somewhere (I'm sorry I can't be more specific), when I was stopped by a man in a funny bomber jacket. He told me to stop what I was doing, he had a funny shaped thin sword in his hand and I felt fear. I thought he was homeless, or a murderer. But then he told me to walk with him, he said God had sent him. I asked him "am I really in a puppet show" instantly. His reply was "not exactly". This made my stomach drop, what exactly did this mean? He took me into a building. It was like my hallucination, but instead of falling into the room and having an audience laugh, I walked beside him and the audience were clapping, I felt less scared, ashamed and helpless. I saw my family and I saw friends I hadn't seen for a while. They hugged me and congratulated me. They said I had nothing to worry about. After this I tried to find my boyfriend (my love for him is unlike anything else, we are soulmates), but I could not.
I eventually woke up. I didn't wake up scared or traumatised as I usually do. I googled the appearance of the saint and found St Maurice, he was black with a big Afro and carried a sword - very similar to in my dream.
