marriage on the brink of collapse

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. we have 2 beautiful children a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. We while I was in the marine corp just before my first combat deployment. Then married when I returned. We were both followers of Christ and both agreed our marriage must be surrounded by God. That is where the trouble began. I was so distracted with my life as a marine and she was distracted with her new found life in Hawaii. We stopped going to church and stopped praying. Neither one of us was in tune with God. After my enlistment was over and we moved back to our hometown. I began to make some foolish financial decisions without seeking her council. I essentially emotionally abandoned her. She gave me chance after chance to fix things and I tried. But I did not try hard enough to bring our family back to God when she continuously made an effort to get me to do so. I knew these were all signs from God trying to pull me back to him. Well now here we are 7 years later. She finally told me she's through. She is not in love with me anymore but still loves me. She said she is tired of sitting by and waiting for me and she is not going to let me continue to keep her down. All she cares about is her own happiness and her children. During this time my emotions have gotten the best of me and I have made some big mistakes and have said some mean and hurtful things to her. She continues to tell me after every mistake that any hope of us reconciling is gone. I was driving home one day and God spoke directly to me. He told me he feels my hurt and told me I just needed to stop and return to him. He told me that if I do not do this then he will take the greatest gift he has ever given me away. I listened. I have completely surrendered my marriage to him. I am at peace with everything. I also have a strong Christian mentor I am beginning to see that will help teach me how to be a better man and husband. My main concern is my wife continues to tell me that after the things I have said and done she can no longer look at me the same. That she has no feelings for me whatsoever. I told her about how God broke me. I asked her if she would agree to go to church with me on Sunday and she said that she would not. That she has been trying to get me to go for 7 years. Why start now. I just looked at her and told her I understand. and that I would still be going. I asked her to keep her heart open and if she feels God telling her anything then be receptive and please listen. She replied "I don't know if I believe in God anymore" I was shattered. I immediately started praying. I have turned my back on God and my wife so much that she has lost her faith. I am committed to doing everything I can to fix our marriage. only through God's grace can it be healed. but I know she cannot love me if she does not have God in her heart. please pray for her. she needs prayers more than I do right now

redleghunter · Mar 17, 2018

justin case said:
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. we have 2 beautiful children a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. We while I was in the marine corp just before my first combat deployment. Then married when I returned. We were both followers of Christ and both agreed our marriage must be surrounded by God. That is where the trouble began. I was so distracted with my life as a marine and she was distracted with her new found life in Hawaii. We stopped going to church and stopped praying. Neither one of us was in tune with God. After my enlistment was over and we moved back to our hometown. I began to make some foolish financial decisions without seeking her council. I essentially emotionally abandoned her. She gave me chance after chance to fix things and I tried. But I did not try hard enough to bring our family back to God when she continuously made an effort to get me to do so. I knew these were all signs from God trying to pull me back to him. Well now here we are 7 years later. She finally told me she's through. She is not in love with me anymore but still loves me. She said she is tired of sitting by and waiting for me and she is not going to let me continue to keep her down. All she cares about is her own happiness and her children. During this time my emotions have gotten the best of me and I have made some big mistakes and have said some mean and hurtful things to her. She continues to tell me after every mistake that any hope of us reconciling is gone. I was driving home one day and God spoke directly to me. He told me he feels my hurt and told me I just needed to stop and return to him. He told me that if I do not do this then he will take the greatest gift he has ever given me away. I listened. I have completely surrendered my marriage to him. I am at peace with everything. I also have a strong Christian mentor I am beginning to see that will help teach me how to be a better man and husband. My main concern is my wife continues to tell me that after the things I have said and done she can no longer look at me the same. That she has no feelings for me whatsoever. I told her about how God broke me. I asked her if she would agree to go to church with me on Sunday and she said that she would not. That she has been trying to get me to go for 7 years. Why start now. I just looked at her and told her I understand. and that I would still be going. I asked her to keep her heart open and if she feels God telling her anything then be receptive and please listen. She replied "I don't know if I believe in God anymore" I was shattered. I immediately started praying. I have turned my back on God and my wife so much that she has lost her faith. I am committed to doing everything I can to fix our marriage. only through God's grace can it be healed. but I know she cannot love me if she does not have God in her heart. please pray for her. she needs prayers more than I do right now

Praying brother.

Have you gone back to church yet? Trust me when I say it is difficult going to church without a spouse. But the first step in leading your family back to church is to lead from the front. Get established and see where the Lord leads from there.

God Bless!

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

tomorrow I will be going with or without her. I have rolled over the idea of going in my head tomorrow countless times. I have decided that no matter what I need to go. even if she does not want to go. the church has 2 services. one at 8 and one at 10:30. when my wife gets home from work tonight I'm not going to ask her to go. I'm just going to say. if you are going we are gonna go at 10:30. if you are not going i will go at 8 so I can be back home early enough to help with the kids. thank you so much for the support. we still live together. sleep in the same bed and she even lets me cuddle with her when I ask. I want to believe she is still holding onto hope that I am returning my faith to God, but is not to eager to drop her defenses. I need strong powerful prayer for her. for her to say she doesn't know if she believes in God anymore is devastating.

redleghunter said:
Praying brother.

Have you gone back to church yet? Trust me when I say it is difficult going to church without a spouse. But the first step in leading your family back to church is to lead from the front. Get established and see where the Lord leads from there.

God Bless!

redleghunter · Mar 17, 2018

justin case said:
tomorrow I will be going with or without her. I have rolled over the idea of going in my head tomorrow countless times. I have decided that no matter what I need to go. even if she does not want to go. the church has 2 services. one at 8 and one at 10:30. when my wife gets home from work tonight I'm not going to ask her to go. I'm just going to say. if you are going we are gonna go at 10:30. if you are not going i will go at 8 so I can be back home early enough to help with the kids. thank you so much for the support. we still live together. sleep in the same bed and she even lets me cuddle with her when I ask. I want to believe she is still holding onto hope that I am returning my faith to God, but is not to eager to drop her defenses. I need strong powerful prayer for her. for her to say she doesn't know if she believes in God anymore is devastating.

Great news. Go.

I will be praying for your wife as well . A very similar prayer for my very own wife. Her reasons for not going to church with me may differ a bit, but it is a similar prayer.

We should note a lot of wives go to church without their husbands as well and we need to pray for their husbands.

I'm retired Army BTW just 4 years ago. Probably been on the same or similar "adventures" away from family as you endured. It's not easy to reintegrate when we have been absent a lot. But God is good and there is no sorrow or challenge He can't conquer. God Bless!

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

thank you for the love. and thank you for praying for her. when God called to me in the past my wife never made a decision that did not make sense to me. Over the past year or two I oftened questioned "I don't understand why she is acting the way she is" because my faith was not where it should have been I did not understand. now that God has opened my eyes I realized she was losing her faith. I wish I would have seen the signs and listened sooner.

redleghunter said:
Great news. Go.

I will be praying for your wife as well . A very similar prayer for my very own wife. Her reasons for not going to church with me may differ a bit, but it is a similar prayer.

We should note a lot of wives go to church without their husbands as well and we need to pray for their husbands.

I'm retired Army BTW just 4 years ago. Probably been on the same or similar "adventures" away from family as you endured. It's not easy to reintegrate when we have been absent a lot. But God is good and there is no sorrow or challenge He can't conquer. God Bless!

Sunshine21 · Mar 17, 2018

I am praying for you both! I think it is great that you are returning to church and surrounding yourself with other believers. Have you thought about counseling even on your own?

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

yes actually my old youth pastor has reached out and offered to council me. he actually went through the same exact thing we are going through. I told my wife I have reached out for help and told her I would be going and she did not have any negative reaction to it. I have a feeling that she does not really want to do this. but I am not in her mind and I do not know what she is thinking.

Sunshine21 said:
I am praying for you both! I think it is great that you are returning to church and surrounding yourself with other believers. Have you thought about counseling even on your own?

No Time for Drama · Mar 17, 2018

justin case said:
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. we have 2 beautiful children a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. We while I was in the marine corp just before my first combat deployment. Then married when I returned. We were both followers of Christ and both agreed our marriage must be surrounded by God. That is where the trouble began. I was so distracted with my life as a marine and she was distracted with her new found life in Hawaii. We stopped going to church and stopped praying. Neither one of us was in tune with God. After my enlistment was over and we moved back to our hometown. I began to make some foolish financial decisions without seeking her council. I essentially emotionally abandoned her. She gave me chance after chance to fix things and I tried. But I did not try hard enough to bring our family back to God when she continuously made an effort to get me to do so. I knew these were all signs from God trying to pull me back to him. Well now here we are 7 years later. She finally told me she's through. She is not in love with me anymore but still loves me. She said she is tired of sitting by and waiting for me and she is not going to let me continue to keep her down. All she cares about is her own happiness and her children. During this time my emotions have gotten the best of me and I have made some big mistakes and have said some mean and hurtful things to her. She continues to tell me after every mistake that any hope of us reconciling is gone. I was driving home one day and God spoke directly to me. He told me he feels my hurt and told me I just needed to stop and return to him. He told me that if I do not do this then he will take the greatest gift he has ever given me away. I listened. I have completely surrendered my marriage to him. I am at peace with everything. I also have a strong Christian mentor I am beginning to see that will help teach me how to be a better man and husband. My main concern is my wife continues to tell me that after the things I have said and done she can no longer look at me the same. That she has no feelings for me whatsoever. I told her about how God broke me. I asked her if she would agree to go to church with me on Sunday and she said that she would not. That she has been trying to get me to go for 7 years. Why start now. I just looked at her and told her I understand. and that I would still be going. I asked her to keep her heart open and if she feels God telling her anything then be receptive and please listen. She replied "I don't know if I believe in God anymore" I was shattered. I immediately started praying. I have turned my back on God and my wife so much that she has lost her faith. I am committed to doing everything I can to fix our marriage. only through God's grace can it be healed. but I know she cannot love me if she does not have God in her heart. please pray for her. she needs prayers more than I do right now

Praying for all of you

Sunshine21 · Mar 17, 2018

justin case said:
yes actually my old youth pastor has reached out and offered to council me. he actually went through the same exact thing we are going through. I told my wife I have reached out for help and told her I would be going and she did not have any negative reaction to it. I have a feeling that she does not really want to do this. but I am not in her mind and I do not know what she is thinking.

I think you are taking the right steps. I hope it all works out. I will pray again for you.

Brian Mcnamee · Mar 17, 2018

justin case said:
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. we have 2 beautiful children a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. We while I was in the marine corp just before my first combat deployment. Then married when I returned. We were both followers of Christ and both agreed our marriage must be surrounded by God. That is where the trouble began. I was so distracted with my life as a marine and she was distracted with her new found life in Hawaii. We stopped going to church and stopped praying. Neither one of us was in tune with God. After my enlistment was over and we moved back to our hometown. I began to make some foolish financial decisions without seeking her council. I essentially emotionally abandoned her. She gave me chance after chance to fix things and I tried. But I did not try hard enough to bring our family back to God when she continuously made an effort to get me to do so. I knew these were all signs from God trying to pull me back to him. Well now here we are 7 years later. She finally told me she's through. She is not in love with me anymore but still loves me. She said she is tired of sitting by and waiting for me and she is not going to let me continue to keep her down. All she cares about is her own happiness and her children. During this time my emotions have gotten the best of me and I have made some big mistakes and have said some mean and hurtful things to her. She continues to tell me after every mistake that any hope of us reconciling is gone. I was driving home one day and God spoke directly to me. He told me he feels my hurt and told me I just needed to stop and return to him. He told me that if I do not do this then he will take the greatest gift he has ever given me away. I listened. I have completely surrendered my marriage to him. I am at peace with everything. I also have a strong Christian mentor I am beginning to see that will help teach me how to be a better man and husband. My main concern is my wife continues to tell me that after the things I have said and done she can no longer look at me the same. That she has no feelings for me whatsoever. I told her about how God broke me. I asked her if she would agree to go to church with me on Sunday and she said that she would not. That she has been trying to get me to go for 7 years. Why start now. I just looked at her and told her I understand. and that I would still be going. I asked her to keep her heart open and if she feels God telling her anything then be receptive and please listen. She replied "I don't know if I believe in God anymore" I was shattered. I immediately started praying. I have turned my back on God and my wife so much that she has lost her faith. I am committed to doing everything I can to fix our marriage. only through God's grace can it be healed. but I know she cannot love me if she does not have God in her heart. please pray for her. she needs prayers more than I do right now

Hi friend I grieve with you and understand exactly where both of you are at. She is being very honest with you and you are playing the God card so she is running from God because you are presenting it as a two for one deal and when a woman is done and says she sees you that way you have to listen and accept it. If you want her back and your family in order is you have to start seeking the LORD and serving the LORD on your own and give her space and time. You have to basically recognize you are a million miles apart and start being nice and the best dad you can and grow in the LORD leaving it up to Him to bring her around. If you back off and start with trying to respect her feelings and give her space and time you might start to be her friend again. You are wanting to push her back on a promise of future change and are scared you have ruined it. Take responsibility and volunteer some free time and show her from a distance you are renewed, Read the definition of love and think it over. Love suffers long and is kind. It does not seek its own.. bares all things and endures all things. If you love her you need to show patience and allow her the time to see you in a new light which can only be true if you are in a new light. Ill pray for you bro and either way it works out you need to be 100% committed to your walk with the LORD . You admitted you are reaping what you have sown so now you must reap good seed and wait patiently for the results. It is your only chance.

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

thank you for this revelation in hard times.

Brian Mcnamee said:
Hi friend I grieve with you and understand exactly where both of you are at. She is being very honest with you and you are playing the God card so she is running from God because you are presenting it as a two for one deal and when a woman is done and says she sees you that way you have to listen and accept it. If you want her back and your family in order is you have to start seeking the LORD and serving the LORD on your own and give her space and time. You have to basically recognize you are a million miles apart and start being nice and the best dad you can and grow in the LORD leaving it up to Him to bring her around. If you back off and start with trying to respect her feelings and give her space and time you might start to be her friend again. You are wanting to push her back on a promise of future change and are scared you have ruined it. Take responsibility and volunteer some free time and show her from a distance you are renewed, Read the definition of love and think it over. Love suffers long and is kind. It does not seek its own.. bares all things and endures all things. If you love her you need to show patience and allow her the time to see you in a new light which can only be true if you are in a new light. Ill pray for you bro and either way it works out you need to be 100% committed to your walk with the LORD . You admitted you are reaping what you have sown so now you must reap good seed and wait patiently for the results. It is your only chance.

Humble me Lord · Mar 17, 2018

Hello brother,
If you have never seen the movie "Fireproof", it is a great biblical movie about marriage,the commitment a husband needs to make, to God first, and to his wife. There is a bible study that goes along with the movie called "Love Dare", teaching unconditional love for your spouse.

Hang in there, lead by example and don't give up on her. I have been where you are at and I know it was God molding me, changing me, letting me make mistakes by trying to do everything my way and not His. I finally realized that I had to put Him first, above my wife. It also made me learn that there are different kinds of love.
Praying for you, your wife, and marriage.
God bless you

justin case · Mar 17, 2018

thank you. she is off work now but has yet to come home. she is at a friend's house right now. I'm praying that God will lay his hand on her at this moment. I have humbled myself in his spirit. i want her home. but this is not about me.

Humble me Lord said:
Hello brother,
If you have never seen the movie "Fireproof", it is a great biblical movie about marriage,the commitment a husband needs to make, to God first, and to his wife. There is a bible study that goes along with the movie called "Love Dare", teaching unconditional love for your spouse.

Hang in there, lead by example and don't give up on her. I have been where you are at and I know it was God molding me, changing me, letting me make mistakes by trying to do everything my way and not His. I finally realized that I had to put Him first, above my wife. It also made me learn that there are different kinds of love.
Praying for you, your wife, and marriage.
God bless you

hypostatic · Mar 18, 2018

Praying for you and your family. God will restore your marriage as He has restored so many others.

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