Husband Calls me "Useless" because I don't pack his work lunch!

Minoa said:

LOL oh no that wont work. The other part of our problem: his shaming obsession over "unhealthy" eating. I can even put out there that I think he idolizes clean food over Jesus....because food is a massive topic of shame in this house. I cannot eat out with him witohut it, and if he joins at a meet up lunch, he tries to micro manage what I order there too or I quietly resolve to not order what I really want so he won't embarass us. Husband thinks my female friends are too "feminist" so their advice on relationships is invalid---so if they speak up, he will just shame them behind their back. I cant even order seafood because it has radiation. BTW I only order salmon and I rarely eat Tuna for goodness sakes so I never go out of my way to eat mercury---I just LOVE fish a lot...its like the only meat I love.

I am not exaggerating: if I want to eat sushi, I have to do it in secret. If we go together, I order other items (though at least he wont steal my food if I order raw fish! it's all mine...including the shame)

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You don't seem to have a food preparation problem, your relationship is dysfunctional. It can be as simple as immaturity or he might be borderline abusive. I'm hearing a lot about what he is unhappy about but I have to ask the question, why are you with him in the first place. I don't need details, it's none of my business, I mean what are his better qualities?

*LILAC said:

And the fact that he works that close to a food court nearby! I mean, pull up the big boy pants and get a lunch!

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I'm a guy and I love those food courts.
M-Bob

Minoa said:

2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)

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I am praying for you and your husband. I am sorry you are suffering. God be with you.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.

That should keep us busy.

M-Bob

Try communicating in the unity of the Spirit.

Minoa said:

2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)

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I have two male roommates, and one of them owns the house we live in. He's also mentally ill and has been hospitalized twice for uncontrollable manic episodes. I started having to cook him dinner a while ago, which I truly didn't like, but I got over it, and now I keep hamburger helper cooked in the fridge at all times and cookies from Walmart. When I hear women complain, especially with children added in, I do feel for them, but I also think that if I can do it for a man that's not my family, surely you can do it for your husband.

Minoa said:

LOL oh no that wont work. The other part of our problem: his shaming obsession over "unhealthy" eating. I can even put out there that I think he idolizes clean food over Jesus....because food is a massive topic of shame in this house. I cannot eat out with him witohut it, and if he joins at a meet up lunch, he tries to micro manage what I order there too or I quietly resolve to not order what I really want so he won't embarass us. Husband thinks my female friends are too "feminist" so their advice on relationships is invalid---so if they speak up, he will just shame them behind their back. I cant even order seafood because it has radiation. BTW I only order salmon and I rarely eat Tuna for goodness sakes so I never go out of my way to eat mercury---I just LOVE fish a lot...its like the only meat I love.

I am not exaggerating: if I want to eat sushi, I have to do it in secret. If we go together, I order other items (though at least he wont steal my food if I order raw fish! it's all mine...including the shame)

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If your description is accurate, you are the victim in a very abusive relationship. This has nothing to do with you making lunch. It is about control. That is why he shames you. And that is the strategy he knows to control you. Unless things change drastically he will continue to use this strategy and you will be shamed constantly as he seeks to control you.

Please seek counselling. You do not deserve to live the rest of your life being shamed on a daily basis.

And is this what you want your baby to learn? That if a female, she should accept being victim of abuse, and if a boy that it is OK to abuse

Is your husband a Christian?

I'm sort of worried for you and the baby... He sounds like an abusive type person... How old are the two of you? When you were dating how was he? Also, how is his relationship with his mother?

Minoa said:

2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)

Click to expand...

Minoa said:

LOL oh no that wont work. The other part of our problem: his shaming obsession over "unhealthy" eating. I can even put out there that I think he idolizes clean food over Jesus....because food is a massive topic of shame in this house. I cannot eat out with him witohut it, and if he joins at a meet up lunch, he tries to micro manage what I order there too or I quietly resolve to not order what I really want so he won't embarass us. Husband thinks my female friends are too "feminist" so their advice on relationships is invalid---so if they speak up, he will just shame them behind their back. I cant even order seafood because it has radiation. BTW I only order salmon and I rarely eat Tuna for goodness sakes so I never go out of my way to eat mercury---I just LOVE fish a lot...its like the only meat I love.

I am not exaggerating: if I want to eat sushi, I have to do it in secret. If we go together, I order other items (though at least he wont steal my food if I order raw fish! it's all mine...including the shame)

Click to expand...

Minoa said:

He will find some way to rob enjoyment out of my days if I do that . He threatened to sell the TV last time and also something else I use in the house. Because most of it was bought or given to him by his family, he figures he can do whatever he wants. He also controls my computer access...I have no authority to make my own account so he can turn off the internet or computer access altogether. He also installed this onto my own laptop so when I was looking for a job before, I would "only look at job sites". but once I was working he refused to take any controls off.

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Lots of red flags in your posts, Minoa. First of all, you talk about how he won't pay for the groceries. Do you have separate bank accounts? Because that's a bad sign in and of itself.

Obviously the other things are major control and boundary issues. You are equals in your marriage--a team. Notice I did not say that you are supposed to be equals. You are equals. At some point here you are going to have to put your foot down on what you will allow him to do. If I am in your shoes, there is no way in heck that I am going to put up with that kind of micromanaging, condescending, and abusive treatment. Honestly I would tell him that either he is going to go to counseling with you and his behavior is going to change or you are moving out. And then be prepared to back up your statement. This is not acceptable behavior on his part, and you do not need to endure it.

You have to own that you are party to all of this. You are choosing to allow yourself to be subject to this kind of treatment, and I would encourage you to make the choice to no longer tolerate it.

Minoa said:

2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)

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I keep thinking I read wrong when I see you say he makes $200/wk. If that is correct there would hardly be enough money left over to stop in the food court -- and you say you struggle to feed yourself. To me, it would be worthwhile to work on the income situation because yours is a fragile financial situation. I am presuming that you live in the US.

The real truth is that your challenge is not to big for Jesus. You would seem to have time to listen to Christian radio or tv while at home. Joyce Meyer is one of several that may get you headed toward a solution.

PloverWing said:

So, you're taking care of a 3-month-old baby -- definitely a full-time job! -- and he can't even make his own sandwich in the morning? I agree with Kenny'sID: hand him a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and tell him it's a kit.

But, yeah, dreadnought's right. There's a lot that's bad here. Neither doing housework, nor buying groceries, nor supporting you emotionally -- something's wrong.

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The money thing complicates this. If she can get him into counseling, maybe the problems can be fixed. If not, maybe she should consider leaving him.

Minoa said:

2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)

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What a selfish peace of sh*t this so-called "man" is!

Minoa said:

It has been like this way before baby came . I found out I was pregnant around week 8 and wasnt sure what to do about it....I literally had left town for 2 weeks to see my family and to get away from him....than I find out I'm pregnant when I got home and struggled with what was the right or wrong thing to do----starting over with a baby the dad can claim is his isn't at all a new start---its like a prison. My parents are divorced so I know how it goes.....my mom felt like she couldnt get away from harassement of my so called christian father.

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My ex-husband was like this. Some people 'feel better' about themselves when they can put someone else down and feel superior over them. From my experience, it seems like they 'validate' themselves in a way by feeling they are right and superior.

This can be very very damaging to the other person and if this is his personality or the way he chooses to give himself self esteem, you are in for a long, hard, bumpy ride. I know. I had to raise 2 children with this man and what you will find maybe in the future, is that he will put you down in front of your child and make maybe some of your mistakes seem like you are a bad mother and non-caring towards your children.

This was most damaging to me, personally. The things over 12-15 years that he put into my children's minds took so many years to try to repair and I'm still working on it.

ToBeLoved said:

My ex-husband was like this. Some people 'feel better' about themselves when they can put someone else down and feel superior over them. From my experience, it seems like they 'validate' themselves in a way by feeling they are right and superior.

This can be very very damaging to the other person and if this is his personality or the way he chooses to give himself self esteem, you are in for a long, hard, bumpy ride. I know. I had to raise 2 children with this man and what you will find maybe in the future, is that he will put you down in front of your child and make maybe some of your mistakes seem like you are a bad mother and non-caring towards your children.

This was most damaging to me, personally. The things over 12-15 years that he put into my children's minds took so many years to try to repair and I'm still working on it.

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Good you left that loser.

Focus on what our Lord Jesus Christs Life here on earth was like, what our Lord Jesus Christ gave up and did without in His Holy Will and Holy Ways, what our Most Holy Blessed Virgin Mother gave up for God during Her Life as a Wife and Mother to our Lord Jesus Christ and assisting many other families and people during Her Life while enduring hardships beyond our comprehension in this day and age, no washing machines, no fridges, no shoes on many occasions, no towels, no pillows for our Lord Jesus Christ to rest His Holy Divine Head of a night, no Light Switches, no Choice of Foods, no Socks, no Cooling, no Heating, no Running Taps, no running Showers, limited Clothing, few Fruits of choice, sleeping out in the open on many occasions while travelling on hard dirty bumpy rough Roads with thistles and briars snakes and scorpions, while enduring abuse, stones thrown at Him, people trying to take His Life regularly, with Holy Mother Mary knowing this and worrying most greatly during our Lord Jesus Christs Holy Ministry years and previously. Most Holy Mother darning clothes the bare necessities for Holy Saint Joseph and His Sons and for our Lord Jesus Christ and Herself while living in great Poverty chosen by Most Holy Mother Mary in God back to when She was a young Infant/Child placed in the Holy Convent/Gods Holy Temple loving and serving God with all of her Heart and Soul.

My own earthly father had no electricity, dirt tracks with a horse and sulky sitting alongside 5 brothers and sisters after losing his eldest brother in the war at 19 yrs of age, starving in severe drought for years as a Child in primary school, because they lived in a country location of which was producing nothing, not even a bit of fruit or meat or dairy, until one day His Mother prayed and attended Holy Mass, taking all of them to our Lord Jesus Christ in His Holy Catholic Church, and they all prayed together, stayed together thereafter, loved and supported one another until the very end of their lives with only a couple of brothers remaining and one sister. Do you know not one judgemental word has ever been heard from any of their lips about each other as Siblings? Nor about their own In-laws. All kept their marriages happy for the most part in our Lord Jesus Christ Whom although tested them when younger to see if they would turn to Him in complete love and trust and gratitude and attend Holy Confession to repent sins to Him, He immediately thereafter most profusely Gifted and Blessed every one of them and their Spouses financially as long as they kept attending Holy Mass and Holy Confession and assisted others during their lives. Out of the families I have known whom ceased visiting and receiving our Lord Jesus Christ in His Holy Divine Sacraments of Holy Confession and Holy Communion from hearts open to Him, some type of major devastation/sorrows has befallen them, whereas all of the Parents/Husbands and Wives whom kept attending Holy Mass, Holy Confession, prayed in Love and gratitude and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ, their lives and marriages still strong now into their 80s.

Without our Lord Jesus Christ our souls now and eternally have "nothing".

You offer up all of your Sufferings to our Lord Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit and to Most Holy Mother Mary making The Sign of The Cross and immersing your heart and soul and sufferings in our Lord Jesus Christ's Ocean of Mercy, Holy Sacred Wounds and Precious Holy Blood asking to Hold our Holy Mother Mary's Holy Hand in our Lord Jesus Christ to beseech God The Most High, praying on the strength of our Lord Jesus Christ's Bitter Passion, and for God to look through our Lord Jesus Christs Holy Sacred Wounds, Precious Holy Blood and upon our Lord Jesus and Most Holy Mother Mary's Love United for God our Heavenly Father, then immerse your spouse's heart and soul and your Infants Heart and soul then pray:

O Jesus Divine Redeemer be Merciful to us and to the whole world Amen
Strong God Holy God Holy Immortal God have Mercy on us and on the whole world Amen.
Grace and Mercy O My Jesus during present dangers cover us with Your Precious Blood Amen.
O Eternal Father grant us Mercy through The Blood of Jesus Christ Thy only Son grant us mercy we Beseech Thee, Amen. Amen. Amen.

x1 O Eternal Father I offer Thee the Wounds of our Lord Jesus Christ to heal the Wounds of our Souls Amen.

x 10 My Jesus Pardon and Mercy through the Merits of Thy Holy Wounds

Second Holy Decade

x 1 O Eternal Father...

x10 My Jesus Pardon and Mercy...

Third Holy Decade

x1 O Eternal Father...

x10 My Jesus Pardon and Mercy..

4th Holy Decade

x1 O Eternal Father...

x 10 My Jesus Pardon and Mercy...

5th Holy Decade

x1 O Eternal Father...

x10 My Jesus Pardon and Mercy...

Make The Sign of The Cross in Holy conclusion of our Lords Prayer delivered by Jesus Christ Himself to Holy Saint Marie Chambon in the 1900s now distributed with our Lords Holy Divine Wound Messages from Jesus Himself

Our Lord Jesus Christ said in His Holy Word that there is no Life without Him and His Precious Holy Divine Flesh and Holy Precious Blood.

Immerse your hearts and souls and receive our Lord in His Holy Communion and Holy Confession weekly while praying and while reading Gods Holy Word daily.

Trust in our Lord Jesus Christ and turn to Him in everything and for everything placing our Lord Jesus Christ first always - earthly spouses second

Then allow our Lord Jesus Christ Holy Spirit and Most Holy Mother Mary to guide you in relation to your earthly spouse and all of the other earthly things.

Financially

Write down all of your essentials for all of you as a Family
Deduct all of the non-essentials - every one of these including movies/movie hire, takeaway food, outings/fuel, newspapers, hairdressing appointments, alcohol if any, sweets, takeaway Coffees, and this includes your Spouse during his working day. Allow sweets only once a week together on a weekend to avoid him whingeing or complaining. Remove the things he whinges about. Entirely. Sweets, don't purchase them during Monday to Friday including biscuits/cakes. Television, remove it. Replace with Prayer from your heart to our Lord Jesus Christ and with Holy Mother Mary. If you really need and want our Lord Jesus Christ Holy Divine assistance, then eliminate/remove the things that are not in our Lord Jesus Christ. Cooking - if you are home for most of the day loving and minding your Baby and you have an income for Meat vegies to prepare for all of your evening meals, then you should really be cooking the Meals of an evening and preparing those earlier all ready for when he walks in the door. Particularly if your Husband is paying for most of the expenses in the household.

It is the right thing to do in our Lord Jesus Christ. Give give give sacrifice to our Lord Jesus Christ and don't complain other than to hand over to our Lord Jesus Christ and to Holy Mother Mary, for our Lord Jesus to heal hearts and change your lives in Him. To remove these twinges in Marriage in Him.

Our Lord Jesus uses all of our sufferings and sorrows for Soul Salvaton. Jesus told His Holy Saints/Nuns to offer up most greatly daily everything and anything we can offer up to Him without complaint.

For The Holy Souls in Purgatory for their Soul Salvation and for all Afflicted Souls and souls on their way to eternal damnation, for the sick and dying souls

Self Discipline offering up for our Lord Jesus Christ in Humility handing over our Hearts Souls and Sufferings is walking in our Lord Jesus Christ now and eternally and storing up our Treasures for Holy Heaven.

When your spouse is rude arrogant or obnoxious make The Sign of The Cross through him from your heart and mentally silently with him not knowing.

Pray for him and immerse his heart and soul daily.

Tell him that if he desires you to stay with him, then he must change his behaviour and ways in our Lord Jesus Christ Holy Spirit and in Most Holy Mother Mary, in God our Heavenly Father. And that you also will make the effort to reduce your social things in order to have a meal prepared of an evening, the home kept clean and tidy and a reduction in expenses until you are working again later on.

Pray this Prayer for your spouse after handing over his heart and soul to our Lord Jesus Christ in Jesus Holy Wound Chaplet above.

O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of Mercy for us I trust in You x 3 times thinking of our Lord Jesus Christ on The Cross and His Sorrows and Sufferings.

Trust completely in our Lord Jesus Christ and say to Jesus and Holy Mother Mary,

Jesus I Trust in You, Jesus Mary I Love You, save souls, can You please help me and this Family urgently Amen

3 Our Fathers
3 Hail Marys
3 Glory Bes

With The Sign of The Cross made before and after these.

I will pray for your Family tomorrow to our Blessed Holy Trinity and to Most Holy Mother Mary for you and your Infant and Husband. Our Lord Jesus and Most Holy Mother Mary knows who you are and your Heart and situation. Jesus knows all of our hearts and situations and sufferings. Offer these up to our Lord Jesus in complete trust praying to Him from your heart and ask Him with our Most Holy Blessed Virgin Mother Mary to assist yourself and your Infant urgently.

Has your Infant been Baptized as yet?

If not that is your second Priority by our Lord Jesus Christ Holy Spirit through one of His Priests.

Then Holy Confession and Holy Communion weekly/regularly taking your Infant to receive our Lords Holy Divine Blessing at His Altar

Praying daily - thrice daily

Reading Gods Holy Word daily asking our Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit and Most Holy Mother Mary to guide you in Holy Discernment

Join a Mother's Group in your local Church for a little company once a week or fortnight - be careful not to action the advice of those whom have separated because during the early stages of having a Baby it is normal for financial and other stresses to occur in every Family's life and these will disappear after the adjustment initially of one income reduced and or gone in the household. It takes time for adjustment mentally physically emotionally with both Parents. Everyone goes through this and these are our tests allowed by God our Heavenly Father to see if we are turning to Him, to our Lord Jesus Christ in complete trust handing over our Hearts, Souls, Life, daily life activities, everything to Jesus.

Consecrate your Heart and Soul and Life to our Lord Jesus Christ and His Holy Sacred Heart daily with The Our Fathers prayed

Consecrate your Heart and Soul and Life to our Most Holy Blessed Virgin Mother Marys Holy Immaculate Heart daily praying The Hail Marys.

Then Amen After The Sign of The Cross is made with Jesus on The Cross in front of you praying.

Did you agree to pack those lunches previously? It's one thing to not do something foisted on you and another to not do something you previously agreed to do.

Unfortunately it seems many in this thread don't understand what a biblical marriage should look like.
I don't mean to be harsh, this is really coming from a place of love, but I must be a little blunt.

Ephesians 5 was mentioned, but I would like to quote vs. 33, the summary of the section:
"33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Notice that the woman is not told to love her husband nor is the husband told to respect his wife--now, don't get me wrong here, i'm not about to suggest that those aren't necessary, but hear me out.

Each party of the marriage is told to focus on something different, because God created man and woman knowing that they function differently and so He teaches us here in Eph. 5 what we need to work on most.
If a woman does not feel loved, she will turn around and disrespect her husband (even unknowingly sometimes), and then her husband will find it easier to be less loving towards her. It's a VICIOUS CYCLE, trust me, I've been there.

It doesn't ultimately matter who started it. It's up to one of you (I presume you the wife since you're on CF looking for help) to STOP THE CYCLE.

Think about your marital vows "till death do us part" and "for better or for worse". Also keep in mind that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16 + Matthew 19:1-9).
If we are following Christ, we will suffer like He did...unfortunately this can happen within a marriage. And no, it's not right nor is it excusable...however, you must try your best to live that godly example so that your husband will be metaphorically smacked in the face (pricked in the heart) about his wrong-doings and want to repent and serve God more faithfully.

Try your best to show your husband respect (and love) even when he doesn't deserve it. Try your best to not only do the right thing but also be gentle and submissive willingly.
Hopefully that will help to break the cycle and his heart will be softened and he will start showing you more love and respect.

Now, if there serious verbal, psychological, and physical abuse occurring or that might occur in the future, you can involve the church and/or the police in the matter. But if it's moreso just annoyances and feeling emotionally down, while it sucks, try your best to stick it out and shine Christ's light.

God bless, I will pray for your marriage.

Brokenhill said:

Unfortunately it seems many in this thread don't understand what a biblical marriage should look like.
I don't mean to be harsh, this is really coming from a place of love, but I must be a little blunt.

Ephesians 5 was mentioned, but I would like to quote vs. 33, the summary of the section:
"33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Notice that the woman is not told to love her husband nor is the husband told to respect his wife--now, don't get me wrong here, i'm not about to suggest that those aren't necessary, but hear me out.

Each party of the marriage is told to focus on something different, because God created man and woman knowing that they function differently and so He teaches us here in Eph. 5 what we need to work on most.
If a woman does not feel loved, she will turn around and disrespect her husband (even unknowingly sometimes), and then her husband will find it easier to be less loving towards her. It's a VICIOUS CYCLE, trust me, I've been there.

It doesn't ultimately matter who started it. It's up to one of you (I presume you the wife since you're on CF looking for help) to STOP THE CYCLE.

Think about your marital vows "till death do us part" and "for better or for worse". Also keep in mind that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16 + Matthew 19:1-9).
If we are following Christ, we will suffer like He did...unfortunately this can happen within a marriage. And no, it's not right nor is it excusable...however, you must try your best to live that godly example so that your husband will be metaphorically smacked in the face (pricked in the heart) about his wrong-doings and want to repent and serve God more faithfully.

Try your best to show your husband respect (and love) even when he doesn't deserve it. Try your best to not only do the right thing but also be gentle and submissive willingly.
Hopefully that will help to break the cycle and his heart will be softened and he will start showing you more love and respect.

Now, if there serious verbal, psychological, and physical abuse occurring or that might occur in the future, you can involve the church and/or the police in the matter. But if it's moreso just annoyances and feeling emotionally down, while it sucks, try your best to stick it out and shine Christ's light.

God bless, I will pray for your marriage.

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Hi, whilst I respect your advice in a marriage just under tension it sounds like there is systematic abuse going on here. Hopefully it isn't but it sure looks like it.

Calling for someone to submit more during that is dangerous for both of them. It is also enabling the husband to continue sinning.

I do not know what to suggest to her but calling for more effort to submit doesn't solve abusive situations. Online there is plenty of evidence to back that up.

One such article, there are many saying the same things, from different denominations.
Wife Abuse: The Tragic Misconception of Submission