Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

I didn't take the poll because neither option is good. Maybe you may want to add a few more options.

I will say that no wives don't always have to say yes to sex. But wives should never get in the habit of saying no. Sex is not to abused by either spouse. It's something that should be done because you love your spouse,ect.

Kindled said:

I will say that no wives don't always have to say yes to sex. But wives should never get in the habit of saying no. Sex is not to abused by either spouse. It's something that should be done because you love your spouse,ect.

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Why should they not be in the habit? I believe there are legitimate reasons to say no, such as abuse as a child.

No loving husband would want to put her thru that torture (from flashbacks and guilt feelings) over and over and over.

Dave-W said:

Why should they not be in the habit? I believe there are legitimate reasons to say no, such as abuse as a child.

No loving husband would want to put her thru that torture (from flashbacks and guilt feelings) over and over and over.

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I believe you know in what since I was talking about.

I'm a woman myself,I know sometimes sex is not possible because of the cycles of life,health problems,child abuse,ect.

Kindled said:

I'm a woman myself,I know sometimes sex is not possible because of the cycles of life,health problems,child abuse,ect.

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Abuse is in a whole different category than cycles of life or health issues.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter the rationale. One doesn’t need to justify their not wanting sex with a decent excuse.

If there is an issue where somebody is always saying no (or even if it’s once or twice), out of respect to their spouse they should explain why, but neither party HAS to. If it’s a repeated or prolonged problem, it should be shared at the very least so they get it doesn’t have anything to do with them, but ideally because with an explanation they are maintaining an honest an open marriage and providing an avenue to seek a mutual resolution...

However, the whole “excuse for no” thing doesn’t matter. A partner can say no for a reason as profound as trauma or as stupid as not wanting to miss the latest episode of Real Housewives. Either reason doesn’t change that no is no, regardless of a “good excuse” or not. Saying we can judge the weight of the excuse as valid or not sets a standard that conflicts with the inherent right to refuse sex that we all have as basic human beings. The assumption is no unless there’s a yes, not a yes unless of a no, or a no as long as there is a good excuse. No is no.

Tropical Wilds said:

A partner can say no for a reason as profound as trauma or as stupid as not wanting to miss the latest episode of Real Housewives.

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There is a big difference between those 2 as well.

So the question comes up (and I realize it can come up for either male or female) of the spouse who is continually told no, and sex becomes a once or twice a year (or maybe less) kind of a deal.

If they need more, how to cope?

Paul and Lori Byerly (listowners of themarriagebed [dot] com) said they constantly get emails (about 50-50 men and women) from people being driven to distraction from constant sexual refusal.

Kindled said:

I believe you know in what since I was talking about.

I'm a woman myself,I know sometimes sex is not possible because of the cycles of life,health problems,child abuse,ect.

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Hi; I really think that the phrasing of the poll question has limited relevance because one cannot make yes/no, all-or-nothing, sweeping statements about this kind of issue, because so many individual circumstances and variables may intervene.

In our case we have not had sex in over five years. I haven't bothered asking for at least two years now.

Dave-W said:

Abuse is in a whole different category than cycles of life or health issues.

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I know that from personal experience. I also didn't feel the need to post every reason why you can say no in my post.

Kindled said:

I know that from personal experience. I also didn't feel the need to post every reason why you can say no in my post.

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Well, exactly.

meyerjd said:

In our case we have not had sex in over five years. I haven't bothered asking for at least two years now.

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Hopefully it was good while it lasted...

Well Darkhorse, I suppose it was. I'm not sure what we'll have left to connect us in six years when our youngest graduates high school. My wife has changed very much over the years and really is no longer the same woman I married.

Of course not....

SARGAM NAGDA said:

So the other day I was hanging out with my newly wed cousin sister and we were there surrounded by our common friends.

My cousin sister confessed that being new in wedlock was cool and fun and she was enjoying the wedding bliss.

She said that her husband was demanding her sex many times more when they holidays on weekends.

So the question is: Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

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Hi there the answer is definitely NO. However there is a balance between each others "marital responsibilities" as the Bible says not to deny each other in this area. For us, there often times after a days work or a run that I have no desire for love making, but my wife is longing so I will meet her needs.My wife will meet my needs even when she is not interested. The thing is we both have different needs sometimes at different times. However there are times when I can discern that she really does not want it may be very tired down etc and so I dont press her and she to for me. You need to respect each others moods / physical health. But generally speaking a man / woman should meet their partners needs as often as they can, that is one of the reasons for getting married and not sleeping around etc. Hope this helps

John

SARGAM NAGDA said:

So the other day I was hanging out with my newly wed cousin sister and we were there surrounded by our common friends.

My cousin sister confessed that being new in wedlock was cool and fun and she was enjoying the wedding bliss.

She said that her husband was demanding her sex many times more when they holidays on weekends.

So the question is: Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

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Hi Sargam, Yes, biblically speaking the wife cannot withhold her body from her husband nor the husband from his wife. Marital life is “free love” so to speak, except for times of fasting. (1 Corinthians 7:4-5) There is great peace and joy in this.

Your cousin says her husband wants intimacy a great deal, but this is natural. Most men are like this. She can let him know if she really is finding it difficult, but she should not refuse.

Contemporary culture (including among many Christians) likes to wrongly paint this as threatening the wife, but it is the nature of Christian marriage to freely give these things. Naturally, try and be considerate if the other is very ill, but there is no godly permission to say no to either husband or wife. The wife has a secondary reason to want to say yes, as she wants to submit herself to her man’s will, so naturally should wish to say yes to his requests for intimacy too.

A rejection of this simple and plain teaching has caused incredible unhappiness in marriages. Freely give. Obey God. A wife should follow her husband’s requests when he wants intimacy. There are riches in doing things God’s way.

He should not withhold himself either.

Wow...

Tom Sawyer said:

Your cousin says her husband wants intimacy a great deal, but this is natural. Most men are like this. She can let him know if she really is finding it difficult, but she should not refuse.

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IMO there can be very good reasons to refuse - even long term. But it would be better to talk about that BEFORE you get married.

I think wives should not say no categorically to sex, but it is OK to say not right now if it is inconvenient or they are just not in the mood. Furthermore, it is OK to say that they would rather not, even if it is a convenient time. Anyone who would have sex with their partner without getting enthusiastic consent is a despicable person who either does not love their partner or is woefully lacking in empathy.

I believe the biblical commandment to not withhold sex is a general statement that it is not healthy in a marriage for one person to be continually denied. It is not specific. Furthermore, it is completely normal for married couples to not have sex at all if neither of them want it.

Dave-W said:

IMO there can be very good reasons to refuse - even long term. But it would be better to talk about that BEFORE you get married.

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According to the Word of God, one can refrain together during times of fasting. Otherwise, a spouse does not refuse the other. So there are not good reasons to be withholding intimacy. We are one flesh with our partner.

Saying -- it is not a convenient time -- is not withholding. It may be that it really is inconvenient for a reason, and the other spouse will respect that.

Withholding sex is true refusal. It's wrong to do. To refuse intimacy is unloving, and it also ignores plain teaching in the Bible, which simply says not to withhold. It also says the one has AUTHORITY over the other's body. There's really no escaping that for those of you who want to accept the liberal view.

MANY marriages are damaged by selfish partners who would not lovingly share themselves with their spouse. Just listen to the Word of God. Ignore what most Christians will tell you.