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Scrupulosity

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scrup is tricky because I have to face it as an ocd, but feel wrong because we're now on the topic of religion. How could religion be wrong? How can it be right to not do the things I do as part of my religion? Afterall, christians say to do something, and I do it--over and over. Like how do I stop confessing, searching for things to confess, searching doubts, rereading, repetitious singing, getting words just perfect, repeating creeds, asking for things repetitiously, my own rituals, unwanted thoughts, and a zillion other related things.

And then I give in to the compulsion ritual and I feel better. But then I feel I need to do it again and again and again every time I feel the anxiety and thoughts return. Add that there is religious feelings of guilt and fear combined. Which makes it all the worse. The things important in my religious life turn into a trigger. So, I fear I might flip-flop and make my own religious life a kind of avoidance ocd.

The religious response, like prayer, is a normal one that is good. But so is washing my hands after the bathroom. Both are good. And I get addicted to both. My prayer life turns into an addiction. And I wash my hands until they are burned.

Sound like anything familiar?
 
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Ribosome

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Hi Mic, I've been struggling bad with scrupulosity for about 2 years now. The three years before scrupulosity started I've had obsessions about the existence of God, but it ended and scrupulosity began.

I know your pain... I am right there with you.

You've described it well... it is impossible for us to understand and reassure ourselves with grace.

What I've started doing is taking breaks of trying to reassure myself. Basically, once the fear and anxiety comes that I cannot understand grace, I stop trying to reassure myself and go do something else and wait for the anxiety to calm down. It takes hours or days for my brain to calm down. Then I think about grace again and it triggers the anxiety, so again I stop trying to reassure myself and keep myself busy with something else in order to calm the anxiety down. This way I am trying to desensitize myself to the anxiety. This is the only way there is to fight OCD. It can take a long time to desensitize yourself. It took me many months to desensitize myself to the OCD of God's existence... the mention of the word "God" would create fear and anxiety in me that I dunno if God exists which means I'll go to hell.

I've sure you've realized, that when you get anxiety about salvation and try to reassure yourself with grace, it never works, or if it works, it works for a few seconds or minutes and then disappears again. Not only that, but the more you try to reassure yourself, the worse the anxiety and doubt grows. OCD cannot be fought with reassurance... only with desensitization. It is tough to force yourself not to reassure yourself... but you gotta practice and get used to it. Once the anxiety appears, stop reassuring yourself, as tempting as it might be, and go keep yourself busy with sometime easy and fun and relaxing to try to distract your thoughts from the fear of hell. The anxiety and fear might be strong (perhaps the fear of going to hell), but don't try to reassure it with Bible verses or anything else. Just tell it to stay there all it wants, and that no matter what, you won't try to reassure yourself. Encourage the anxiety to come and give you its best shot, and that you won't fight it at all. With time, you will desensitize yourself, and you'll be able to think about grace and salvation with no anxiety being triggered.

I am in the process of doing this... so far my anxiety has already decreased in the week that I've been doing it. It takes time, but it is the only thing that works.
 
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Jonathon Durno

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HI!

I'm so sorry to hear that you have this, it's awful as I too have it. What I've come to realise, after falling so many times, is that I must trust in God. It's all about faith. If we don't truly have faith in God, His existence, and the nature of it, is guessed with our own minds. In this way we are filled with doubt because we are no longer following the one true God, but a mental ritual (compulsion) that we see as God's will. "For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you." "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for I say unto you, If you have as much faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you". It is by faith that we overcome fear, for "The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?" - certainly not my own anxiety, nor the devil. "For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with Godliness, Godliness with brotherly/sisterly affection, and this with Love." Love yourself, forgive yourself and those around you - love them, enduringly. This will give you the knowledge to have faith in God, therefore "Don't worry about anything, but in all things by prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God (He knows anyway, He just wants you to have faith). And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard you hearts and MINDS in Christ Jesus", through His blood, "Who forgives our sins and sets us free!"
 
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Mari17

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Hi Mic, I've been struggling bad with scrupulosity for about 2 years now. The three years before scrupulosity started I've had obsessions about the existence of God, but it ended and scrupulosity began.

I know your pain... I am right there with you.

You've described it well... it is impossible for us to understand and reassure ourselves with grace.

What I've started doing is taking breaks of trying to reassure myself. Basically, once the fear and anxiety comes that I cannot understand grace, I stop trying to reassure myself and go do something else and wait for the anxiety to calm down. It takes hours or days for my brain to calm down. Then I think about grace again and it triggers the anxiety, so again I stop trying to reassure myself and keep myself busy with something else in order to calm the anxiety down. This way I am trying to desensitize myself to the anxiety. This is the only way there is to fight OCD. It can take a long time to desensitize yourself. It took me many months to desensitize myself to the OCD of God's existence... the mention of the word "God" would create fear and anxiety in me that I dunno if God exists which means I'll go to hell.

I've sure you've realized, that when you get anxiety about salvation and try to reassure yourself with grace, it never works, or if it works, it works for a few seconds or minutes and then disappears again. Not only that, but the more you try to reassure yourself, the worse the anxiety and doubt grows. OCD cannot be fought with reassurance... only with desensitization. It is tough to force yourself not to reassure yourself... but you gotta practice and get used to it. Once the anxiety appears, stop reassuring yourself, as tempting as it might be, and go keep yourself busy with sometime easy and fun and relaxing to try to distract your thoughts from the fear of hell. The anxiety and fear might be strong (perhaps the fear of going to hell), but don't try to reassure it with Bible verses or anything else. Just tell it to stay there all it wants, and that no matter what, you won't try to reassure yourself. Encourage the anxiety to come and give you its best shot, and that you won't fight it at all. With time, you will desensitize yourself, and you'll be able to think about grace and salvation with no anxiety being triggered.

I am in the process of doing this... so far my anxiety has already decreased in the week that I've been doing it. It takes time, but it is the only thing that works.
Excellent advice! This is ERP therapy in a nutshell! There are also lots of great websites about OCD and scrupulosity - let me know if you're interested and I can post some links.
 
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Amy Cortright

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Looking for comments of someone who knows more about this, tearing my life apart. Somedays you just wish to smile.

Scrupulosity is a religious form of ocd and you can't understand grace even though I'm saved


I have OCD with the Bible and God a bit, and also Schizophrenia. I think it is fine in my own life to be a bit OCD with the Bible and my own salvation issues so long as I keep them in check. At times my OCD and repetitive reading of the same scriptures over and over again trying to understand them and live them out perfectly has seemed to get the best of my psychologically yet I have always found a way to cope.

Amy
 
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