Question

JAM2b · Mar 13, 2018

Not once in this thread did I say to accept every friend request or that I do. I said to find out if they really are mutual friends or not. Being right or agreed with seems so important to you, that you don't really pay attention to what others say unless you feel like they agree. And I'm assuming you don't have a real statistic, just exaggeration to support your fear.

It is totally possible to open up to people with safe precautions in place, even if you have not known them before.

JAM2b · Mar 13, 2018

CFCurmudgeon said:
Just one thing. Choosing not to talk to someone who messages you is not rude behavior, especially when they are someone you do not know.

I do agree with this.

No one owes anyone anything socially speaking. No one has to talk to anyone just because they asked.

JAM2b · Mar 13, 2018

CFCurmudgeon said:
I know it sounds ridiculous out of context. I was referring to something unnecessarily rude that Mr. Rules of Engagement posted in response to another user in the WOYM thread several days ago.

oh. I was wondering how that fit and if you were having some kind of breakdown or something.

Paulie079 · Mar 13, 2018

JAM2b said:
Not once in this thread did I say to accept every friend request or that I do. I said to find out if they really are mutual friends or not. Being right or agreed with seems so important to you, that you don't really pay attention to what others say unless you feel like they agree. And I'm assuming you don't have a real statistic, just exaggeration to support your fear.

It is totally possible to open up to people with safe precautions in place, even if you have not known them before.

I have been on Facebook since not long after its inception, and I have never received a friend request from someone who I had never met before who had a mutual friend or friends when it was clearly not spam. It has happened multiple times, so I am speaking from experience. I have received e-mails, text messages, friend requests, instant messages, etc. all from people I had never interacted with before, and they were all clearly spam. And honestly, I would be worried about the situation of a person who finds that they need to interact with a random person who sends a message saying they thought you were good-looking. You have a lot more to lose than to gain in that scenario, and if someone feels the opposite I would be concerned for them.

Kenny'sID · Mar 13, 2018

I accepted one from a man once...turns out he thought I was pretty...

Concerning the OP..I'm torn here, one side of me says it doesn't feel right, but the logical side thinks, people meet on the net all the time, and even in real life, physical attraction is often what causes a guy to make the move. Been like that for thousands of years I'd imagine.

But I suppose this isn't a dating site where they have info on the guy, so it's also logical to be concerned, and probably best to stay away.

Edit, I just saw where you were dealing with it pretty well....Hope her rides a white horse.

Paulie079 · Mar 13, 2018

JAM2b said:
oh. I was wondering how that fit and if you were having some kind of breakdown or something.

Nah, I am just a special brand of weird and crazy.

.Mikha'el. · Mar 13, 2018

smalltowngirl86 said:
I was contacted on facebook by a guy I don't know. He sent me a friend request. We have mutual friends. When I asked him if I know him he said no just thought you were very pretty. My question is if you were contacted by someone on facebook in this manner what would you do? Would you talk to them? If they were interested in dating would you date them? Would it bother you how they contacted you if they are interested in dating?

I would cut contact and block him if he persists. That is very creepy.

JAM2b · Mar 13, 2018

The friends suggestions and mutual friends thing on facebook is there to aid in helping people connect with more people, and get more money for facebook (If we are really going to be honest). But it's there for a reason, and it works, and real people really do use it, or facebook wouldn't have it on there and keep it going.

Maybe it's a difference in who we are friends with or maybe a difference in age groups. I don't get a ton of requests, and I don't give out a lot. But most of the time it is a real person who just wants to enlarge their circle.

I'm not saying there aren't scammers or predators, but I haven't come across them often, and I always know who I'm friending or know someone else who really knows them.

Paulie079 · Mar 13, 2018

I know it might sound more like paranoia, but I know for a fact that there are scum-of-the-earth type of people who are sophisticated in their scamming. They will build relationship with you for a period of time and then they will emotionally manipulate you into giving them money that they were intending to take the whole time. I've not seen this happen on CF (so no one get the idea that I am referring to anything that has happened here), but I have heard of it happening elsewhere. A person makes a living out of scamming people out of money, and it's really not difficult to do.

Please just have more self-respect than to give a supposed guy online an in into your life just because he said you were good-looking. The amount of physical and mental effort it takes to do that is next to none.

smalltowngirl86 · Mar 13, 2018

CFCurmudgeon said:
Just one thing. Choosing not to talk to someone who messages you is not rude behavior, especially when they are someone you do not know.

I agree but at the same time you are also missing out on meeting someone new. Like I have said in a previous posts we have mutual friends. If we did not, I would not have anymore contact with him.

blackribbon · Mar 13, 2018

smalltowngirl86 said:
I was contacted on facebook by a guy I don't know. He sent me a friend request. We have mutual friends. When I asked him if I know him he said no just thought you were very pretty. My question is if you were contacted by someone on facebook in this manner what would you do? Would you talk to them? If they were interested in dating would you date them? Would it bother you how they contacted you if they are interested in dating?

I don't friend people I don't know in person.

CodyFaith · Mar 13, 2018

Apparently I'm the only one who thinks this is probably not that big of a deal.

Guy sees pretty girl, guy wants to know pretty girl. It's not that strange, nor creepy unless that guy is indeed creepy.

Women get messages and friend requests online all the time from guys who aren't scammers or creeps. It's very common, and the prettier the girl the more it will happen. Many times it's actually successful for the guy.

I don't take that approach to asking out women myself but it definately works at times for some guys. I wouldn't say I'd never do it either, if all of a sudden I was on one of my Christian friends profiles, and I saw a girl who was one of their friends who was really pretty and clicked her profile then found out she was completely devoted to Jesus and seemed similar to me in faith and values and lived in my area, why wimp out and miss that oppurtunity if I really had the desire to get to know then? Life's short here, take some chances, the worst that could happen is you get shut down.

With all that said, I think Christian women have to be careful, not because of scammers but just because a lot of guys are unsavoury who do that sort of thing frequently. Firstly, if he's not a Christian, a Christian is simply not permitted to date them - scripture is clear. Secondly, even if he claims to be Christian, you still have to be wise with the things he's saying, because men as a whole are frequently focused on one thing (which I need not spell out).

So while he might not have the best intentions, neither do lots of guys who hit on women offline either. Doesn't make them creeps or scammers, just unsavoury worldly people that Christians must be wise about.

CodyFaith · Mar 13, 2018

And yeah if the situation was flipped and it happened to me, and the woman's profile showed a lot of characteristics of a genuine believer, and she seemed interested in me as a person and I likewise was interested in her and attracted to her, why not give her a chance? No reason not to, if anything her boldness would be a breath of fresh air.

smalltowngirl86 · Mar 13, 2018

CodyFaith said:
I wouldn't say I'd never do it either, if all of a sudden I was on one of my Christian friends profiles, and I saw a girl who was one of their friends who was really pretty and clicked her profile then found out she was completely devoted to Jesus and seemed similar to me in faith and values and lived in my area, why wimp out and miss that oppurtunity if I really had the desire to get to know then? Life's short here, take some chances, the worst that could happen is you get shut down.

I actually have had that happen but never messaged the person because I didn't think they would respond to me because they don't know me.

smalltowngirl86 · Mar 13, 2018

After giving it some more thought I have decided to unfriend him. He has posted content that I don't agree with.

Paulie079 · Mar 13, 2018

CodyFaith said:
Apparently I'm the only one who thinks this is probably not that big of a deal.

Guy sees pretty girl, guy wants to know pretty girl. It's not that strange, nor creepy unless that guy is indeed creepy.

Women get messages and friend requests online all the time from guys who aren't scammers or creeps. It's very common, and the prettier the girl the more it will happen. Many times it's actually successful for the guy.

I don't take that approach to asking out women myself but it definately works at times for some guys. I wouldn't say I'd never do it either, if all of a sudden I was on one of my Christian friends profiles, and I saw a girl who was one of their friends who was really pretty and clicked her profile then found out she was completely devoted to Jesus and seemed similar to me in faith and values and lived in my area, why wimp out and miss that oppurtunity if I really had the desire to get to know then? Life's short here, take some chances, the worst that could happen is you get shut down.

With all that said, I think Christian women have to be careful, not because of scammers but just because a lot of guys are unsavoury who do that sort of thing frequently. Firstly, if he's not a Christian, a Christian is simply not permitted to date them - scripture is clear. Secondly, even if he claims to be Christian, you still have to be wise with the things he's saying, because men as a whole are frequently focused on one thing (which I need not spell out).

So while he might not have the best intentions, neither do lots of guys who hit on women offline either. Doesn't make them creeps or scammers, just unsavoury worldly people that Christians must be wise about.

The reason this post is so long is that you are realizing that there are caveats to everything that you are saying. It's probably not that big of a deal but... Normal people send messages like these but...

It's not even the fact that they could be a harmful person, it's the fact that you have no way of knowing. And people who spend the majority of their time socializing on the internet tend to forget this fact very quickly. At the end of the day, you know literally nothing about the person at the outset. It's no different than if you started up a conversation with someone in a pitch black room. So really all it comes down to is that you are taking a risk. Some risks are worth taking, some are not. And honestly, if someone is naive enough to engage someone they know nothing about just because they were given a compliment on their appearance, then I fear they are naive enough to be manipulated by said person. I know this opinion is probably unpopular because so many people on here do most of their socializing online, but in the context of the real world and real common sense, the risk is not worth the reward.

Soyeong · Mar 13, 2018

smalltowngirl86 said:
I was contacted on facebook by a guy I don't know. He sent me a friend request. We have mutual friends. When I asked him if I know him he said no just thought you were very pretty. My question is if you were contacted by someone on facebook in this manner what would you do? Would you talk to them? If they were interested in dating would you date them? Would it bother you how they contacted you if they are interested in dating?

It is very easy for someone to accept a friend request and then for their friends to accept that friend request because of the mutual friend, when none of them have any idea who that person is. I know I have received friend requests from a mutual friend who had no idea who that person was when I asked them about it. It is also easy for someone to create a facebook page with false information about who they are. If you ever decide to meet with them, I would take at least two or three others unless your friend can vouch for them. Some police have created areas with 24-hour surveillance for people to meet up in a safe environment, so that might be worth looking into.

CodyFaith · Mar 13, 2018

smalltowngirl86 said:
I actually have had that happen but never messaged the person because I didn't think they would respond to me because they don't know me.

Well, I know I and many other people I've known would have considered messaging you back depending on what you said, what was on your profile, if there was attraction, etc.

jovanovic · Mar 13, 2018

block him, he sounds creepy.

smalltowngirl86 · Mar 13, 2018

CodyFaith said:
Well, I know I and many other people I've known would have considered messaging you back depending on what you said, what was on your profile, if there was attraction, etc.

So when you look at a girls profile what are things that would draw your interest and what are things that would turn you away?

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