Feelings

Matthew Frazier · Mar 3, 2018

Dear CF, I am inquisitive about the subject of feelings and their validity, as in recent times I have endured much hardship and needless suffering as a result of people failing to understand me. Although I have been in the process of being built up by people who have praised my honesty and have attempted to make my faith my own through professional counseling (and some meds for my anxiety, and to regulate emotions), I still need support and an encouraging word, and so that’s why I am looking to you guys here on this forum.

I have a very close relationship with my family members, and when I was younger I often looked to them for encouragement when I faced a situation that stressed me. As I have grown up and life’s problems got harder (lost first job in Cali, conflicts with classmates, etc) however, those same family members have frequently told me that I am being “too dramatic” and “too offensive” in response to seeing me upset or angry. They even went to the extreme of telling me that I would not make it in college, albeit I have since graduated, continued on with grad school and have been very happy and successful with my experience.

With the sense that I had nowhere else to go, I have vented more frequently on social media, only to have lay people report my posts to my closer family and friendships, with rumors ablaze. Further adding to my pain, I formerly attended an abusive church who controlled me right down to my musical tastes, the people I spent time with, and of course, what I shared to my close friends and mixed groups. A few fellow church-goers even stopped talking to me when I was struggling with hardship and simply wanted prayers and someone to seek understanding from when I started hitting a rough patch in my life (see parentheses above). I experienced isolation due to the feeling that I could not share my life story, daily happenings or prayer requests with friends without offending someone. I sensed hypocrisy when everybody was wide open with prayer/praise reports, but people did not care about what I had to say, even if I didn't have intention of hurting or controlling anybody. It's like I wasn't allowed to be myself. Since then, my heart seethes with anger due to feeling forsaken by the ones I love, and have only recently started seeking Christian circles and my hobbies again. Yes I know that I can't be liked by everybody I know, and God is the only one who understands and accepts me. I understand that I can't always let my feelings lead me astray, or lead me into more sin. But because of my previous negative experiences, I still need to ask: Are my feelings valid, or just an expression of my stupidity? God bless you.

royal priest · Mar 3, 2018

Matthew Frazier said:
Are my feelings valid, or just an expression of my stupidity? God bless you.

Feelings can be tricky because they're not always reliable, and depending on the person, they can be pretty messed up. For this reason, we shouldn't use our feelings to inspire our behavior, though that is often how we use them. Instead, we ought to use our feelings as a red flag to be careful how we react. We are sinners after all. The Bible tells us constantly that our behavior needs to be determined by the Word of God. We are to avoid friendship with people that are easily angered lest we learn their ways. Proverbs 22:24-25
Our seasons of depression are inconsistent with our hope in the Gospel. Psalms 43:5
Our anxieties are worse than useless and are destructive to our confidence in God. Luke 12:25

Nevertheless, feelings are an important facet to our being so that when rightly used, they can help us in our service to God and others. Romans 12:15 The Gospel repairs our ability to use our feelings by teaching us and working in us an ability to exercise self-control. Jesus revealed to us how as a man, He always felt strong emotions, and sometimes showed it. Matthew 9:36; John 11:33; Mark 11:15-17
At the end of the day, the thing we need to realize most, is that emotions were given to us for the glory of God, and as sinners, we need His Spirit and His Word to instruct and enable us if we are to use our emotions to that great end.

Presbyterian Continuist · Mar 3, 2018

Matthew Frazier said:
Dear CF, I am inquisitive about the subject of feelings and their validity, as in recent times I have endured much hardship and needless suffering as a result of people failing to understand me. Although I have been in the process of being built up by people who have praised my honesty and have attempted to make my faith my own through professional counseling (and some meds for my anxiety, and to regulate emotions), I still need support and an encouraging word, and so that’s why I am looking to you guys here on this forum.

I have a very close relationship with my family members, and when I was younger I often looked to them for encouragement when I faced a situation that stressed me. As I have grown up and life’s problems got harder (lost first job in Cali, conflicts with classmates, etc) however, those same family members have frequently told me that I am being “too dramatic” and “too offensive” in response to seeing me upset or angry. They even went to the extreme of telling me that I would not make it in college, albeit I have since graduated, continued on with grad school and have been very happy and successful with my experience.

With the sense that I had nowhere else to go, I have vented more frequently on social media, only to have lay people report my posts to my closer family and friendships, with rumors ablaze. Further adding to my pain, I formerly attended an abusive church who controlled me right down to my musical tastes, the people I spent time with, and of course, what I shared to my close friends and mixed groups. A few fellow church-goers even stopped talking to me when I was struggling with hardship and simply wanted prayers and someone to seek understanding from when I started hitting a rough patch in my life (see parentheses above). I experienced isolation due to the feeling that I could not share my life story, daily happenings or prayer requests with friends without offending someone. I sensed hypocrisy when everybody was wide open with prayer/praise reports, but people did not care about what I had to say, even if I didn't have intention of hurting or controlling anybody. It's like I wasn't allowed to be myself. Since then, my heart seethes with anger due to feeling forsaken by the ones I love, and have only recently started seeking Christian circles and my hobbies again. Yes I know that I can't be liked by everybody I know, and God is the only one who understands and accepts me. I understand that I can't always let my feelings lead me astray, or lead me into more sin. But because of my previous negative experiences, I still need to ask: Are my feelings valid, or just an expression of my stupidity? God bless you.

Sounds as though you are a victim of spiritual abuse and bullying. I have attached the PDF of my book on that topic.

Matthew Frazier · Mar 3, 2018

royal priest said:
Feelings can be tricky because they're not always reliable, and depending on the person, they can be pretty messed up. For this reason, we shouldn't use our feelings to inspire our behavior, though that is often how we use them. Instead, we ought to use our feelings as a red flag to be careful how we react. We are sinners after all. The Bible tells us constantly that our behavior needs to be determined by the Word of God. We are to avoid friendship with people that are easily angered lest we learn their ways. Proverbs 22:24-25
Our seasons of depression are inconsistent with our hope in the Gospel. Psalms 43:5
Our anxieties are worse than useless and are destructive to our confidence in God. Luke 12:25

Nevertheless, feelings are an important facet to our being so that when rightly used, they can help us in our service to God and others. Romans 12:15 The Gospel repairs our ability to use our feelings by teaching us and working in us an ability to exercise self-control. Jesus revealed to us how as a man, He always felt strong emotions, and sometimes showed it. Matthew 9:36; John 11:33; Mark 11:15-17
At the end of the day, the thing we need to realize most, is that emotions were given to us for the glory of God, and as sinners, we need His Spirit and His Word to instruct and enable us if we are to use our emotions to that great end.

Thank you so much for taking your time to reply to me. I have already tried this thread once on CF in another category but ended up having the question turned back to me, so I moved the post when I was getting criticized and no other responses. I am glad I did. I am glad you have hit on how useful they are in the areas of self-control, but that we should not be held hostage to them. I am guilty of this too often. But thank God we have the ability to show and acknowledge them in the same way Jesus did, and thank God that you responded so thoroughly.

Matthew Frazier · Mar 3, 2018

Oscarr said:
Sounds as though you are a victim of spiritual abuse and bullying. I have attached the PDF of my book on that topic.

Thanks big time @Oscarr I appreciate your understanding, as this is exactly what I have been facing. Bullying is an unfortunate circumstance I had to do endure to some degree growing up, with spiritual abuse coming up later down the road. Thank God for you and for using your experiences to help me.

ValleyGal · Mar 3, 2018

Your feelings are always valid. Always. Perhaps you experience them more deeply than other people, but they are still valid. The thing is that we are not to let them dictate our lives. Feelings are different than intuition - intuition should be trusted to take a specific course of action, but feelings are not necessarily to be trusted, especially if they are motivated by hormones (lol).

God calls us to be of sound mind, to judge rightly, to have integrity, to be sober and have sober thinking. This all means that we need to use our "thinking" brain. You've been to college, and even if you didn't take this in a course, you might still know it. You probably know about the survival part of the brain - the stem, which controls instinct, drive, survival, and physiological functions such as heartbeat, respiration, hunger, thirst, peristalsis, development, etc. Once those needs are met, the "feeling" brain develops. If for some reason, your development is arrested through trauma, abi, or some other reason, you don't move on to the "thinking" brain very well. For most of us who have developed relatively normally, we can move between thinking and feeling quite naturally, and know when each part of the brain should be used. If the Bible tells us to be of sound mind, then we know that we should be operating primarily out of our "thinking" brain, using logic, reasoning, self control, etc. to help regulate our feelings.

Strong emotions are necessary sometimes, such as when you feel fear, you are moved to safety. When you feel lonely, you are moved to seek company. When you feel pain, you are moved to find a way to heal. Feelings are motivational. As well, feelings are good because we are created in God's image, so this means that whatever we are feeling, God identifies with us during our feelings. So embrace your feelings as a natural part of your human and spiritual experience.

But when you are not threatened or at risk, find a way to make sense of your feelings using your thinking brain. Think about your feelings, acknowledge them, feel them, express them... with people who are safe to be vulnerable with. Use your thinking brain to regulate your big emotions.

My social work hero is Brene Brown. She is a researcher on shame, blame, vulnerability. She's on the Ted Talks as well as she has some great videos on You Tube. Her videos are short and packed with information, so I encourage you to look her up. Maybe she can shed some light on what you are going through.

Matthew Frazier · Mar 4, 2018

ValleyGal said:
Your feelings are always valid. Always. Perhaps you experience them more deeply than other people, but they are still valid. The thing is that we are not to let them dictate our lives. Feelings are different than intuition - intuition should be trusted to take a specific course of action, but feelings are not necessarily to be trusted, especially if they are motivated by hormones (lol).

God calls us to be of sound mind, to judge rightly, to have integrity, to be sober and have sober thinking. This all means that we need to use our "thinking" brain. You've been to college, and even if you didn't take this in a course, you might still know it. You probably know about the survival part of the brain - the stem, which controls instinct, drive, survival, and physiological functions such as heartbeat, respiration, hunger, thirst, peristalsis, development, etc. Once those needs are met, the "feeling" brain develops. If for some reason, your development is arrested through trauma, abi, or some other reason, you don't move on to the "thinking" brain very well. For most of us who have developed relatively normally, we can move between thinking and feeling quite naturally, and know when each part of the brain should be used. If the Bible tells us to be of sound mind, then we know that we should be operating primarily out of our "thinking" brain, using logic, reasoning, self control, etc. to help regulate our feelings.

Strong emotions are necessary sometimes, such as when you feel fear, you are moved to safety. When you feel lonely, you are moved to seek company. When you feel pain, you are moved to find a way to heal. Feelings are motivational. As well, feelings are good because we are created in God's image, so this means that whatever we are feeling, God identifies with us during our feelings. So embrace your feelings as a natural part of your human and spiritual experience.

But when you are not threatened or at risk, find a way to make sense of your feelings using your thinking brain. Think about your feelings, acknowledge them, feel them, express them... with people who are safe to be vulnerable with. Use your thinking brain to regulate your big emotions.

My social work hero is Brene Brown. She is a researcher on shame, blame, vulnerability. She's on the Ted Talks as well as she has some great videos on You Tube. Her videos are short and packed with information, so I encourage you to look her up. Maybe she can shed some light on what you are going through.

That is wonderfully spoken. Thank you very much for your genuine response. You have spoken truth into each and every one of my concerns, while reading my situation like a book. Having experienced medical trauma early on in my life, with people defining me by these struggles, I have been grateful to get to where I am now, but have become quite legalistic and uncomfortable in my own skin, allowing strong feelings to hit me like a boulder. But your thorough explanation of emotions, both from a scientific and spiritual perspective has helped shed light on the subject and has helped me not feel so crazy anymore!

As you have said though, intuition has come in quite handy in college, and has even already help me overcome some of my anxiety and self-esteem issues, but your response leads me even closer to healing. In the meantime I will be sure to check out Brene. Thanks again for your loving support!

Kit Sigmon · Mar 5, 2018

I do believe if you going to vent ...don't use real names.

Matthew Frazier · Mar 5, 2018

Kit Sigmon said:
I do believe if you going to vent ...don't use real names.

I’m pretty new here and this is one of my first forums I’ve joined, so I have a lot to learn, prob should’ve thought about that :/

Sketcher · Mar 5, 2018

I don't know what you've been reacting to, or how you have been reacting, so I can't speak for or against the ways in which you have been reacting.

Search

Search

Feelings

Matthew Frazier

Imma Jesus Freak baby ;D

More options

royal priest

debtor to grace

More options

Presbyterian Continuist

Senior Veteran

Attachments

More options

Matthew Frazier

Imma Jesus Freak baby ;D

More options

Matthew Frazier

Imma Jesus Freak baby ;D

More options

ValleyGal

Well-Known Member

More options

Matthew Frazier

Imma Jesus Freak baby ;D

More options

Kit Sigmon

Well-Known Member

More options

Matthew Frazier

Imma Jesus Freak baby ;D

More options

Sketcher

Born Imperishable

More options

Similar threads