The Excuse Game

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida - I was going to post the lyrics to this song. But then I didn't want your significant other to get the wrong idea. (-lol) So you get No Song! No Song For You! Next! (homage to the soup nazi.)

The song Jingle Bells is actually about having sex on the way to Thanksgiving dinner, and has nothing to do with Christmas. Thanks to pop culture most American's connect the song to Christmas. Which song should we replace it with?

Puff the Magic Dragon

The picture on the wall is crooked, and it's bugging me. fix it.

I could but then illegal immigrants would lose jobs and we as American's want them to take as many jobs away from us as possible.

I need a camp fire. Can I burn your couch?

Go to West Virginia, I hear they love burning couches there.

Trump wants his hair more Orange, can you help?

I refuse to do a makeover on anyone who has such a low beauty baseline to work with.

Will you take over my moderator job for a while?

No way, I avoid such jobs on purpose.

Anybody else want to be a Moderator?

No way, if I were a moderator I'd be booted myself for banning everyone! What? Vic Beasley? Who's that? BANNED!!! I'd just leave our little Filipino friend to run the show!

Did you fill in the ruts you left in the yard?

That’s not a yard, it’s a field. Nature herself will fill them in. Why interfere with natural processes?

Stop my hand hurting

Well, stop using your hand as a hammer, and I bet the pain will stop.

Should we have chili for dinner?

Yes, with no beans. Put some cheese in it, too.

There is a CF party at Lucy's house. Dirk, don't trash the place.

No, "For a dog returneth to his vomit".

Could you proofread my thesis?

I need to finish my proofreading thesis first. Be patient!

Need better dog management skills but don’t have time to read he whisperer book. Give me something practical

Have you sent your dog to business school? I can think of no better way for a dog to learn management skills.

Could you blow out the candle, please? The scent is getting too strong.

I’m a paranoid schizophrenic who believes that candles are the only thing that keeps evil spirits away, believe me that scent is way more bearable than the episode that I will have if it gets blown out.

There’s a draft coming in from the bottom of the door, lay a towel down to stop it

Genny is back so you better behave, Dirk.

If space aliens came and moved in with you, you'd be ok with that?

I believe that space aliens are inside of the government, Hollywood, and actually many sections of society...ahh what’s it matter if it’s my house as well!!

I want to become the greatest arm wrestler in the world, put your arm up here I need some practice!!

I would just break your arm, leaving you utterly unable to compete.

Try diffusing frankincense oil to help you relax.

That is far too much work. First I'd need to go graverobbing for the corpses. Then sow together a monster from them, which I would then need to animate. Thereafter only I could get any oil distilled from its scent. I don't have the time.

Could you help me construct a scale replica of Vlad Tepitsch's forest of the impaled?

I'm too busy following your instructions for harvesting frankincense.

I'll have some time to build something out of legos afterwards though.