Divorce and Remarriage

An interesting post, I just made a topic more or less about it here:
Feels christians today just don't take marriage seriously anymore...

My feelings is the bible doesn't allow for divorce or remarriage. Though people can still do it anyways as they will go by emotions rather then what the bible says.

coffeeandprayer said:

Delivered

I am HAPPILY married to my husband! We have been married for 7 years and have two beautiful children. A friend of mine is going through divorce and she is telling me that she can never ever remarry because that would make her an adulterer. He husband cheated and is living with his gf for the last 3 years almost, and says he wants to marry his gf. She said that she would wait until he comes back one day... she is 100% sure he will come back one day. I always thought once you are divorced, the “innocent” spouse CAN re marry. But she made a very interesting point that I had never noticed in the Bible before, simply because I never really dug down into this whole “divorce and remarriage” stuff. She said that the original word used in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 (the only two exeptional clauses) for divorce was “inappropriate contenteia” and it was ONLY for the Jews during the Betrothal Period. Nowhere in the other gospels did Jesus say it is OK to divorce your spouse. She says Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 does not apply to us to today. She also says that unless you get out of your second or third marriages, saved or not you will never inherit the kingdom of heaven unless you repent. (1 Corinthians 6:9) This is hard to swallow since I have loved ones who have remarried and now I am concerned about their salvation. Any thoughts on this? The Bible says that there is NO condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus. The Old is gone and the New has come... The Bible also says that Christ died for us WHILE we were sinners, and that we are Saved By Grace through faith... So should be ignore all those verses and try to “repent” in order to inherent the kingdom of Heaven? Should people in 2nd or 3rd marriages divorce? She says that 2nd or 3rd marriages are not real/valid marriages to God so they should end and the spouse either remain single or go back to their first husband/wife. Please, let me know your thoughts and use Biblical answers.

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Another passage is 1 Corinthians 7, which is worth reading through and studying also.

The most generous I have been able to be with the text without robbing it of meaning is that the one who was cheated on may remarry, but the cheater may not.

Remarriage is unfortunately common and not spoken against enough in the church. When gay people point out the hypocrisy of tolerating remarriage for reasons other than adultery but not gay unions, they're not wrong about that - though they err when they state or imply that the church should tolerate both. It should tolerate neither.

Gentleness is the way to go when speaking against it, being reckless can wreck family relationships which you don't want to do.

I simply believe that love overrides all. We are full of sin, all of us. We make mistakes. Prayer to Jesus is the only way. He forgives, He understands. If a woman's husband cheats on her and leaves her, why should she remain alone and empty forevermore? My heart tells me life is too short to waste! If she falls in love and wishes to remarry i am certain God would not condemn her for it. As for her cheating husband, let him get on with it, he faces his own conscience and God eventually.

It's hard to say anything unless you have been in the exact same circumstances.

It's hard to know until the same thing hits you.

I know what the Bible says but I've never been in such situation so my advice would be meaningless.

Probably the only action I can give is devote one's time to seeking the Lord and the Truth, forget everything else, forget the marriage problems, and see where it takes you!

coffeeandprayer said:

I am HAPPILY married to my husband! We have been married for 7 years and have two beautiful children. A friend of mine is going through divorce and she is telling me that she can never ever remarry because that would make her an adulterer. He husband cheated and is living with his gf for the last 3 years almost, and says he wants to marry his gf. She said that she would wait until he comes back one day... she is 100% sure he will come back one day. I always thought once you are divorced, the “innocent” spouse CAN re marry. But she made a very interesting point that I had never noticed in the Bible before, simply because I never really dug down into this whole “divorce and remarriage” stuff. She said that the original word used in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 (the only two exeptional clauses) for divorce was “inappropriate contenteia” and it was ONLY for the Jews during the Betrothal Period. Nowhere in the other gospels did Jesus say it is OK to divorce your spouse. She says Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 does not apply to us to today.

2 Timothy 3:
16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 17 that the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

She also says that unless you get out of your second or third marriages, saved or not you will never inherit the kingdom of heaven unless you repent. (1 Corinthians 6:9) This is hard to swallow since I have loved ones who have remarried and now I am concerned about their salvation. Any thoughts on this? The Bible says that there is NO condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus. The Old is gone and the New has come... The Bible also says that Christ died for us WHILE we were sinners, and that we are Saved By Grace through faith... So should be ignore all those verses and try to “repent” in order to inherent the kingdom of Heaven? Should people in 2nd or 3rd marriages divorce? She says that 2nd or 3rd marriages are not real/valid marriages to God so they should end and the spouse either remain single or go back to their first husband/wife. Please, let me know your thoughts and use Biblical answers.

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All sin is forgivable except blaspheming the Holy Spirit...Matthew 12:31-32.

Jesus offers living water to the unclean/ sinners...even ones who have /had multiple marriages
and be living with someone who isn't they spouse, divorced etc...in ancient Samaritan studies you find they be full of multiple marriages, shack ups etc...yet, the Lord offered not only the "unclean" five times married Samaritan woman living water, it also be available for others in Samaria as well, many accepted Messiah/living water and asked Him to stay, He tarried with them two days before moving on.

coffeeandprayer said:

She said that she would wait until he comes back one day... she is 100% sure he will come back one day.

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Jeremiah 3:1

If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the harlot with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the LORD.

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I'm very much against divorce and remarriage, but if her husband has left her to commit adultery, then she ought not wait for him to come back to her, and if he does come back to her, then she ought not take him back. The key is in the sexual purity. He already defiled himself, and taking him back would only defile her.

coffeeandprayer said:

She says Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 does not apply to us to today.

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I would say that it does apply, for the reasons given above. You can't remain sexually pure if you remain in or return to a marriage with an adulterous lover. Sexual impurity is the thing to be avoided.

A primary reason i have joined a forum is to discuss this issue. (A little background ) Got saved 6 mths after my 7 yr marriage to divorced woman had broken down due to infidelity on both sides. I fulfiled her wish to divorce 4 yrs later after seeking advice everywhere about what i should do? I got conflicting answers from everyone and confusion no matter how much i searched the bible and my heart.
20 yrs later and still not remarried, i stumbled on internet stuff saying all remarriage is adultery. It seemed to suddenly make sense of all my confusion but I still scrutinized every angle and debated with many on forums for 2 yrs, even flew to a anti-remarriage conference in Connetticutt USA to see the fruits of such teachers.
I then determined to join a fellowship that taught no remarriage and sanctification as a second instant work of the Holy Spirit (another rarely taught doctrine i became convinced of by Finney and Wesley.)
I now have been with a Nigerian based fellowship for 5 yrs.
But still, however i hear the defense of return or burn doctrine, I still cannot reconcile why the woman in Duet 24 cannot return to her first husband if marriage really for life no matter what, nor can i see how the woman in Math 5:32 is "caused to commit adultery"?
I mean if all Christians must not divorce or remain single if they do, then surely the woman can also choose Christ over loneliness or even life itself, many martyrs have. How is she caused?
If Christ is acknowledging that in all probability she will remarry, it is as if He is then is condoning her need and merely pointing out the husbands guilt in divorcing her.
I am now full circle, with still no peace about either side. I too have family and friends both christian and non, divorced and remarried. Should they repent and return to living spouse? I used to hold this but it just does not reconcile with Duet 24 even though the divorce was from hard heart.
I believe absolutely without any doubt, two truly born again Christians will not divorce, but it is conceivable one of them never was born again of God and thus may desert the marriage. That is why Jesus said told the disciples there was no out. Are we to judge unbelievers? I think not.
But those who belong to Jesus, consider it a light thing to be scrutinized.
In conclusion: All remarriage is of necessity adultery. Two becoming one and then a third being added to it is said to adulterate it, as the saying goes "pure unadulterated fruit juice".
But remarriage seems to me an allowance where divorce was forced upon unwilling spouse or
unavoidable. When Namaan was healed of leprosy he asked Gods prophet for exemption/allowance that it not be counted sin to go into the temple of Rimmon because of his master, else he lose his head or job. It was granted

coffeeandprayer said:

I am HAPPILY married to my husband! We have been married for 7 years and have two beautiful children. A friend of mine is going through divorce and she is telling me that she can never ever remarry because that would make her an adulterer. He husband cheated and is living with his gf for the last 3 years almost, and says he wants to marry his gf. She said that she would wait until he comes back one day... she is 100% sure he will come back one day. I always thought once you are divorced, the “innocent” spouse CAN re marry. But she made a very interesting point that I had never noticed in the Bible before, simply because I never really dug down into this whole “divorce and remarriage” stuff. She said that the original word used in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 (the only two exeptional clauses) for divorce was “inappropriate contenteia” and it was ONLY for the Jews during the Betrothal Period. Nowhere in the other gospels did Jesus say it is OK to divorce your spouse. She says Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 does not apply to us to today. She also says that unless you get out of your second or third marriages, saved or not you will never inherit the kingdom of heaven unless you repent. (1 Corinthians 6:9) This is hard to swallow since I have loved ones who have remarried and now I am concerned about their salvation. Any thoughts on this? The Bible says that there is NO condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus. The Old is gone and the New has come... The Bible also says that Christ died for us WHILE we were sinners, and that we are Saved By Grace through faith... So should be ignore all those verses and try to “repent” in order to inherent the kingdom of Heaven? Should people in 2nd or 3rd marriages divorce? She says that 2nd or 3rd marriages are not real/valid marriages to God so they should end and the spouse either remain single or go back to their first husband/wife. Please, let me know your thoughts and use Biblical answers.

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So first, various Christian groups have different takes on this. Each should consult their own church for understanding and direction, since it is a difficult subject, and because none of us completely understands all scripture.

We have to first accept our limitation in understanding everything.

As to this specific verse and passage, the primary rule is, if you believe that is wrong for you to do something, then you shouldn't do it.

If this lady believes that this verse says she can't remarry, then she should not.

As for these other people who remarried, it has been long established for many years that if your spouse deserts you and is sleeping with other people, then you are allowed to divorce.

She is in fact right, that divorce was never supposed to happen. Jesus said as much. But Jesus also said that Moses allowed a certificate of divorce, because of the hardness of hearts.

We need to remember that G-d does understand that we are Psalm 103:14 made of dust. This is fallen world. We're all messed up. Does that mean it's ok to divorce? No. But he does understand that sometimes there is nothing we can do.

Now here is what I would say. If she can live as a single woman for the rest of her life, then so be it. But if she is burning with desire, then it is far better that she go and remarry, rather than be tempted into sexual sin. Don't let the ambiguous and debatable claim, lead you into the clearly defined evil.

We know, without question, that sleeping with someone you are not married to, is wrong. It's not ambiguous. Not debatable. It is not up to discussion. So we know that for a fact.

And we also know that 1 Corinthians 7:9 clearly, and directly says, the solution to sexual desire is to get married. That's the solution given. It doesn't say have prayer groups, or accountability partners, or promise rings. It says... get married.

So if she can handle staying single, and believes that is what she should do, then I would say go for it.

But, if she can't handle it, and she is burning inside, it would be better for her to avoid clearly defined sin, and get married to her own husband.

This is what I've been taught, and that is what I believe.

coffeeandprayer said:

She says Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 does not apply to us to today. She also says that unless you get out of your second or third marriages, saved or not you will never inherit the kingdom of heaven unless you repent

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If they don't apply then what rule/law is she applying about divorce?

Divorce is not part of God's plan for us, but it happens because of hard unloving hearts.

The innocent party is free to remary and if a Christian has nothing to fear.

Tolworth John said:

If they don't apply then what rule/law is she applying about divorce?

Divorce is not part of God's plan for us, but it happens because of hard unloving hearts.

The innocent party is free to remary and if a Christian has nothing to fear.

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But...if the unjustly divorced woman is free to remarry, why then does Jesus still call it adultery?
"whover divorces" for reasons other than "fornication (sexual sin), causes her to commit adultery".

In other words, either the wife is held responsible for adulterating the union if she goes astray, or the husband is held responsible for her adultery if she remarries after he divorces her, though she has done no wrong.

Jesus clearly uses both "inappropriate contentiea" as the exception, and "Moicheia" as the result. While inappropriate contenteia can cover all sexual sins, it
My brother inlaw said he knew he was committing adultery when marrying my sister who was divorced.
And the bible is clear no unrepentant adulterer will enter heaven.

r4.h said:

But...if the unjustly divorced woman is free to remarry, why then does Jesus still call it adultery?
"whover divorces" for reasons other than "fornication (sexual sin), causes her to commit adultery".

In other words, either the wife is held responsible for adulterating the union if she goes astray, or the husband is held responsible for her adultery if she remarries after he divorces her, though she has done no wrong.

Jesus clearly uses both "inappropriate contentiea" as the exception, and "Moicheia" as the result. While inappropriate contenteia can cover all sexual sins, it
My brother inlaw said he knew he was committing adultery when marrying my sister who was divorced.
And the bible is clear no unrepentant adulterer will enter heaven.

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Do you believe that David was an unrepentant adulterer, and is in hell now?

Andrew77 said:

Do you believe that David was an unrepentant adulterer, and is in hell now?

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David was absolutley repentant and his discipline for his was pretty severe, albeit fair of course.
Bathsheba` husband was dead, so he wasnt in continued adultery, and to refuse marriage to her after impregnating her would be further sin now that she was widowed because of him.

r4.h said:

David was absolutley repentant and his discipline for his was pretty severe, albeit fair of course.
Bathsheba` husband was dead, so he wasnt in continued adultery, and to refuse marriage to her after impregnating her would be further sin now that she was widowed because of him.

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That would seem to imply that if all the women, or their new husbands, would simply kill off their ex, and then repent, they could all live without being in continual sin.

That doesn't work for me.

There has to be an answer that fits with our world. Otherwise, we have literally millions of men and women, that should all completely destroy their families for the sake of avoiding continual sin.

I don't think G-d would approve of millions of people destroying their marriages, their children, and their homes, because the ex-spouse is alive and they are doomed to hell unless they ruin absolutely everyone's lives that are connected to this.

And I have a real problem with "Well if he was dead...." being the solution to avoiding continual sin.

Now I get it, you want to avoid divorce in the first case, and I agree completely the damage is severe. But to suggest that people should divorce again to avoid continual sin... that's tough for me to grasp.

Andrew77 said:

That would seem to imply that if all the women, or their new husbands, would simply kill off their ex, and then repent, they could all live without being in continual sin.

That doesn't work for me.

There has to be an answer that fits with our world. Otherwise, we have literally millions of men and women, that should all completely destroy their families for the sake of avoiding continual sin.

I don't think G-d would approve of millions of people destroying their marriages, their children, and their homes, because the ex-spouse is alive and they are doomed to hell unless they ruin absolutely everyone's lives that are connected to this.

And I have a real problem with "Well if he was dead...." being the solution to avoiding continual sin.

Now I get it, you want to avoid divorce in the first case, and I agree completely the damage is severe. But to suggest that people should divorce again to avoid continual sin... that's tough for me to grasp.

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It wouldn`t work for most people are not kings that are subject to no one but God. Yes people could murder to remarry and many actually do, but none actually get away with it, for their blood cries out and God hears. Have you not read the Prov 28:17 ?

Your words above "I do not think God would...." suggest to me you don`t know what God thinks and are merely guessing based on your emotions. Whatever your take on what Jesus told his disciples about divorce and remarriage , it totally shocked them and was 180 degree polarised from the divorce remarriage culture of Israelites in those days.

Its a very difficult thing to me too. I have friends and family that are remarried. I struggle too that God would want second divorces and breaking up of homes. I am not removed from the pain and complications, i was married to a divorced woman 7 yrs, and long story short, my children grew up with their mother and i lived through agony. I did try to marry again a few times,but the Lord prevented me and saved me in hindsight from some very bad choices.

But let us imagine a great end time revival breaks out and remarried Christians everywhere put away their 2nd marriages and many first spouses having come to Christ now have a new heart and these first marriages a marvelously healed and restored.
What do you think will be the effect on non christians contemplating or having divorced and remarried?

David had MANY wives, definitely was an adulterer and he is called "a man after God's own heart". While divorce is never desired, it is certainly forgiveable..just as is any other form of shortcoming other than blasphemy.

Many people who remain legally married have broken their vows..you likely vowed to Love, honor & Cherish your spouse til "death do you part". The vow..is what you promised to do..If you fail to Love, Honor OR Cherish your spouse..and do not repent..your vow is broken, but even this does not keep you from the kingdom of heaven..Christ died for my sins and whether I remain married in this life or not..I accepted that gift and He will not take it back, because I fall short in some human endeavor. Remember in the kingdom. "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Gal 3:28

r4.h said:

It wouldn`t work for most people are not kings that are subject to no one but God. Yes people could murder to remarry and many actually do, but none actually get away with it, for their blood cries out and God hears. Have you not read the Prov 28:17 ?

Your words above "I do not think God would...." suggest to me you don`t know what God thinks and are merely guessing based on your emotions. Whatever your take on what Jesus told his disciples about divorce and remarriage , it totally shocked them and was 180 degree polarised from the divorce remarriage culture of Israelites in those days.

Its a very difficult thing to me too. I have friends and family that are remarried. I struggle too that God would want second divorces and breaking up of homes. I am not removed from the pain and complications, i was married to a divorced woman 7 yrs, and long story short, my children grew up with their mother and i lived through agony. I did try to marry again a few times,but the Lord prevented me and saved me in hindsight from some very bad choices.

But let us imagine a great end time revival breaks out and remarried Christians everywhere put away their 2nd marriages and many first spouses having come to Christ now have a new heart and these first marriages a marvelously healed and restored.
What do you think will be the effect on non christians contemplating or having divorced and remarried?

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Yeah, I've read Prov 28:17. But you just cited David as being repentant, and he did stay King, and he kept the girl, and it was the offspring of that wedding that ruled Israel after David.

So... as long as you murder the ex, then everything is ok. That's how David wasn't living in perpetual sin, right? That just seems like a insane view.

Of course I don't know what G-d thinks. His ways are higher than mine, that's for sure. I have no idea what G-d thinks. Saying I can't imagine that is what he thinks, doesn't mean I know his thoughts. It could be. It's possible you are entirely right. I don't know, and I can't see that, but maybe you are on the right.

People getting back with ex-spouses, is extremely rare. When it does happen, it happens usually when neither person ever gets with a new spouse.

I have not yet, ever heard of someone who divorced, finding a new mate, getting married and having a family... and then divorce them and going back to their ex and actually having it work.

I assume that has happened. But I would wager that is less likely than winning the lottery, from 3 different states, on the same day.

I've been involved in marriage counseling discussions for about 15 years. I have not heard a single time of that happening yet. Again, I assume it has, but it sure hasn't been anywhere that I have heard about it.

Andrew77 said:

Yeah, I've read Prov 28:17. But you just cited David as being repentant, and he did stay King, and he kept the girl, and it was the offspring of that wedding that ruled Israel after David.

So... as long as you murder the ex, then everything is ok. That's how David wasn't living in perpetual sin, right? That just seems like a insane view.

Of course I don't know what G-d thinks. His ways are higher than mine, that's for sure. I have no idea what G-d thinks. Saying I can't imagine that is what he thinks, doesn't mean I know his thoughts. It could be. It's possible you are entirely right. I don't know, and I can't see that, but maybe you are on the right.

People getting back with ex-spouses, is extremely rare. When it does happen, it happens usually when neither person ever gets with a new spouse.

I have not yet, ever heard of someone who divorced, finding a new mate, getting married and having a family... and then divorce them and going back to their ex and actually having it work.



I assume that has happened. But I would wager that is less likely than winning the lottery, from 3 different states, on the same day.

I've been involved in marriage counseling discussions for about 15 years. I have not heard a single time of that happening yet. Again, I assume it has, but it sure hasn't been anywhere that I have heard about it.

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If David wasnt repentant then he would be in hell instead of being known as the greatest king of Israel, never defeated in battle. The highest praise and Israeli can give is to call someone "son of David" hence why the people cried out to Jesus " Son of David have mercy on me" etc.

God greatly punished David for his sin of taking an consensus for prides sake 2 Sam 21:1-14 and in the case of Bathsheba and Uriah and for his lie to Ahimelec that cost the lives of 70 priest` and their familes 1 Sam 22:22. We know the fulness of his repentance from the Psalms that were written shortly after, even during, his victories and loses. David often pleads with God to remove false lips and deceitful ways and wayward heart.

The very reason David is called a man after Gods heart by God himself, is that he was always quick to repent. Joseph`s brothers took many many years to see their wickedness, so it is with alot of Christians also, but not David.

We can and should know Gods mind about things pertaining to doctrines, else we be the blind leading the blind. I don`t mean we always get it right, Samuel got it wrong when he was sur Eliahab was Gods annointed successor to Saul. And in 1:16 Job it says Satan sent fire to destroy Job`s livestock, but the messenger states that "The fire of God fell from heaven" God gave Satan permission, but it wasnt fire from God.

My scenario was not during drought of the Holy Spirit but in the time of great soaking and rain. Ive read of great revivals when whole communities came under conviction and great and striking changes came over all. The hardest of sinners becoming as lambs and making restitution no matter the cost.

r4.h said:

But...if the unjustly divorced woman is free to remarry, why then does Jesus still call it adultery?
"whover divorces" for reasons other than "fornication (sexual sin), causes her to commit adultery".

In other words, either the wife is held responsible for adulterating the union if she goes astray, or the husband is held responsible for her adultery if she remarries after he divorces her, though she has done no wrong.

Jesus clearly uses both "inappropriate contentiea" as the exception, and "Moicheia" as the result. While inappropriate contenteia can cover all sexual sins, it
My brother inlaw said he knew he was committing adultery when marrying my sister who was divorced.
And the bible is clear no unrepentant adulterer will enter heaven.

Click to expand...

The woman Jesus is talking about is the one divorce because she is unfaithfull.