Online Dating

I've been trying to delete a ChristianMingle profile for two days now. But I know of two or three couples now on CF that are doing the online dating thing. Maybe they will post

yam said:

If you don't mind me asking? Why are you deleting CM?

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I don't mind you asking if you don't mind me not telling.

I tried multiple sites pof, christian mingle, east meets west, Christian Connection, zoosk...but most men there were meh... then tried looking at church, but difficult to find a guy who was single, I tried asking around subtly to people who I knew were Christians who had grandchildren or nephews or cousins who were my age lol. Then tried online dating with a guy I played clash of clans with (silly, I know). It lasted about 1 to 2 yrs, but he had so much baggage that I had to break it off with him. Then I got tired of it all, deleted everything. One day, I wanted to just learn more about God and be part of a community of believers, looked for christian websites, stumbled here in CF. Unexpectedly, found someone here lol, been doing online dating almost 4 months now, so far so good.

I've only tried whatsapp but it's very local (near your place).

I guess if you're a woman, you'll have tons of guys checking you out so you have plenty of choices.

As a guy, I have far fewer checkouts. One a day on average. Much fewer choices, and I really don't have time to check a million profiles so I only check those who check me out.

There are many online dating sites favoring female members (men have to pay to unlock certain options!)

Sometimes my chances are better at the foodcourt in the mall. Of course, that means going out to the mall everyday at lunch and don't always have time for that.

I guess online option is good if you can choose and discern wisely. Other than that, any activities where you get lots of opportunity to meet singles will be great.

I like the general idea behind online dating. If you're not meeting people through things like church, friends, or social activities, then online dating can widen the potential dating pool by bringing you into contact with people you might not otherwise meet.

Although I haven't had too much success. I have gone out with a few women I met online, but nothing lasted more than a handful of dates. It generally ended as a result of them fading on me, which might say something about me, but since I don't know why they faded I've no way of knowing if I did something wrong, and while I don't think I did I do realise that might not actually be the case.

One of the things I find very frustrating, and this may have contributed to my lack of success, is that so many women have completely empty profiles (apparently men do this too, but I'm not looking at theirs). Maybe I'm just not typical of an online dating user, but I see very little point in sending message or liking someone if I know absolutely nothing about them.

While looks aren't completely unimportant, I don't want to be going for a woman just because I think she's got a nice smile. I first want to have some sort of idea as to whether we're likely to be compatible, and an empty profile just isn't going to give me that.

I have tried eharmony, match.com, christian mingle, and ok cupid. Didn't like Ok Cupid. I have only talked to people from eharmony and match.com so far.

For those of you that have met people from an online dating site, how long did you talk to the person before meeting them in person? I have talked to a few guys for like two weeks and they are ready to meet. I just don't feel that talking to someone for only two weeks is long enough to meet someone that you met online.

I used OKcupid for a while, met a couple of nice women on there, but relationships didn’t work out.
Not going to use online dating anymore, I trust God will provide my wife through church/friends/friends of friends.

I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, but I'll just say this. When it comes to online dating sites, you get what you pay for.

smalltowngirl86 said:

For those of you that have met people from an online dating site, how long did you talk to the person before meeting them in person? I have talked to a few guys for like two weeks and they are ready to meet. I just don't feel that talking to someone for only two weeks is long enough to meet someone that you met online.

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For me it's generally one to two weeks. The subject of meeting tends to come up after about a week of talking online (although we've usually moved onto texting by that stage), which can mean up to another week before we actually get together because of getting schedules to align.

For me I want to meet in person as soon as possible as talking online can only get you so far when it comes to getting to know someone, and talking face to face is far more effective. In a half-hour conversation in person you can easily have more in depth discussions and cover more things than you might in a day's worth of text messages.

If you meet someone in real life and hit if off you're probably going to want to go on a date with them sooner rather than later even if you don't know them all that well, and I don't think it should be all that different with meeting someone online.

timewerx said:

I've only tried whatsapp but it's very local (near your place).

I guess if you're a woman, you'll have tons of guys checking you out so you have plenty of choices.

As a guy, I have far fewer checkouts. One a day on average. Much fewer choices, and I really don't have time to check a million profiles so I only check those who check me out.

There are many online dating sites favoring female members (men have to pay to unlock certain options!)

Sometimes my chances are better at the foodcourt in the mall. Of course, that means going out to the mall everyday at lunch and don't always have time for that.

I guess online option is good if you can choose and discern wisely. Other than that, any activities where you get lots of opportunity to meet singles will be great.

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Yeah, I gave up on online dating months ago. If you're a man, forget any kind of response, because women have their inboxes completely full.

Also, I kept seeing the same faces of the women I had emailed in the past that were still on there with their unrealistic expectations. What's sad is they are local and I figured if they are in a more rural area, they couldn't afford to be picky.
Why not give me a shot, right? lol

ThisIsMe123 said:

Yeah, I gave up on online dating months ago. If you're a man, forget any kind of response, because women have their inboxes completely full.

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That's very insightful information!

I noticed I almost never get a reply from anyone I message. There a way more (relatively speaking) who sends me message whom I never messaged first.

There's quite a few among these that I messaged first but they usually reply after a few weeks so I doubt they are replying to my earlier message but decided to browse themselves.

timewerx said:

That's very insightful information!

I noticed I almost never get a reply from anyone I message. There a way more (relatively speaking) who sends me message whom I never messaged first.

There's quite a few among these that I messaged first but they usually reply after a few weeks so I doubt they are replying to my earlier message but decided to browse themselves.

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So true...I would sometimes send follow-up emails a couple weeks to a month later to see if I catch their eye.

It's kind of a gamble, because you don't know if they've been ignoring you and following up would irritate them or they legitimately "overlooked' your first email. lol

I remember some women saying IN their profile, "If I do not respond, please take the hint, and don't email me again."

And I'm thinking, "Well, if you don't respond, how will I even know you saw it?" lol

I've never sent follow ups before but now that you gave me the idea their inboxes maybe full, I guess I might do some follow ups in the future!

timewerx said:

That's very insightful information!

I noticed I almost never get a reply from anyone I message. There a way more (relatively speaking) who sends me message whom I never messaged first.

There's quite a few among these that I messaged first but they usually reply after a few weeks so I doubt they are replying to my earlier message but decided to browse themselves.

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That's usually because we get so many messages that we can't reply to them all. When I was on eHarmony I got 300 messages in the first week. There was no way to reply to all of them even though I would have liked to.

leothelioness said:

That's usually because we get so many messages that we can't reply to them all. When I was on eHarmony I got 300 messages in the first week. There was no way to reply to all of them even though I would have liked to.

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Really?

I thought Eharmony pretty much limited the amount of emails as I thought they had a very strict vetting process.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Really?

I thought Eharmony pretty much limited the amount of emails as I thought they had a very strict vetting process.

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As far as I know they only limit the amount of profiles you can browse. Supposedly you can only see your matches, but most all of the messages I received were from people that I did not have on my matches list.

Citanul said:

For me it's generally one to two weeks. The subject of meeting tends to come up after about a week of talking online (although we've usually moved onto texting by that stage), which can mean up to another week before we actually get together because of getting schedules to align.

For me I want to meet in person as soon as possible as talking online can only get you so far when it comes to getting to know someone, and talking face to face is far more effective. In a half-hour conversation in person you can easily have more in depth discussions and cover more things than you might in a day's worth of text messages.

If you meet someone in real life and hit if off you're probably going to want to go on a date with them sooner rather than later even if you don't know them all that well, and I don't think it should be all that different with meeting someone online.

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That's true.