I
igotgoodnews
Guest
Theres a funny thing about God in my life. As much as I would like to run away from it (And I realllllyyy doo...) I cant... its like that inescapable truth in my
life now. where even if i wanted to not believe, i couldn't.
Ironicly enough I would call myself the thomas of doubters (As im sure a lot of us here on the ocd board could.)
I feel like I never really had OCD like this until i came to the faith.
I really dislike most people at church, even after changing churches.
I NEVER enjoy anything anymore... and im not even exagerating. people come up to me and ask "what do you do on your free time" well i guess i would say now a days i sleep... A LOT. I Pray, i go to work. come back home and sleep. I jump through mental hoops all day.
and by the end of it. im tired. just tired... and nothing seems to be getting any better with this.
I accepted God and Jesus as my savior. but so far thats brought me problems in my life that i havent had to deal with in so long.
-Anxiety(social) even hanging out with my own family...
-loss of ambition for life... Whenever i find something i want to do... its quickly shot down for one reason or another. and the first thing my mind goes to is God.
People tell me that I just need to change my view on God. I know God is loving, he wouldnt have had jesus die for me if he wasnt. but what proof have i got in my life to show that he loves "ME!"
Why cant i just let these thoughts GO. Im so done with it. but he wont let me...
I feel like crying most nights, because i want my life to go back to the way it was.. happier, and more care free.
edit: I know by the end of this it just sounds like i havent accepted God into my life. I do, actually, I do a lot of times. sometimes multiple times throughout the week.
I just found out my brothers Gay.
Im destroyed inside. I'm lost. Its like I dont even care about living anymore.
life now. where even if i wanted to not believe, i couldn't.
Ironicly enough I would call myself the thomas of doubters (As im sure a lot of us here on the ocd board could.)
I feel like I never really had OCD like this until i came to the faith.
I really dislike most people at church, even after changing churches.
I NEVER enjoy anything anymore... and im not even exagerating. people come up to me and ask "what do you do on your free time" well i guess i would say now a days i sleep... A LOT. I Pray, i go to work. come back home and sleep. I jump through mental hoops all day.
and by the end of it. im tired. just tired... and nothing seems to be getting any better with this.
I accepted God and Jesus as my savior. but so far thats brought me problems in my life that i havent had to deal with in so long.
-Anxiety(social) even hanging out with my own family...
-loss of ambition for life... Whenever i find something i want to do... its quickly shot down for one reason or another. and the first thing my mind goes to is God.
People tell me that I just need to change my view on God. I know God is loving, he wouldnt have had jesus die for me if he wasnt. but what proof have i got in my life to show that he loves "ME!"
Why cant i just let these thoughts GO. Im so done with it. but he wont let me...
I feel like crying most nights, because i want my life to go back to the way it was.. happier, and more care free.
edit: I know by the end of this it just sounds like i havent accepted God into my life. I do, actually, I do a lot of times. sometimes multiple times throughout the week.
I just found out my brothers Gay.
Im destroyed inside. I'm lost. Its like I dont even care about living anymore.