my mom is driving me insane with her constant complaining

carebear1

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ugh, I’m getting really fed up with it. Even if I help her out, usually cleaning, it goes unnoticed or she complains how it should of been done. It’s like she feels the need to be in control of everything but if anyone tries to help. she finds a way to complain or make an excuse for not wanting anyone’s help. She always has this attitude of “I can do it myself” then complains about having to do everything.

I feel like it will only get worse when my dad dies. I really don’t know how he puts up with it all these years. My mom tries to control him through nagging and criticizing him how he chooses to live his life. I always kinda wished my dad would have the nerve to either divorce her or be more assertive.

The worst is her always complaining about the pets getting their fur all over and making messes or ruining something. And hearing her repeatedly say she’s done with pets aftee the dog and cat is gone breaks my heart. I find it incredibly sad when people value their material possessions more than furry legged friends or people. Her OCD about cleaning has gotten worse over the years. It’s driving me batty. The way she complains nonstop repeatedly mentioning the same stuff over and over makes her sound crazy and self-absorbed. My sister in law has noticed she has changed over the past few years. My brother and sister rarely ever talk about her behavior to me

I want out of her circus.... Problem is I’m on disability (I’m profoundly Deaf but can hear somewhat with hearing aid.) My monthly check would barely cover the cost of tbe cheapest apartment in my area especially now since I’m still maaking car payments. And cheapest usually means higher crime rates... I’ve thought about the roommate option and have looked on Craigslist since that can be cheaper than apt. living.

I realize something gotta change. my mom’s behavior is making me upset and ridden with anxiety. I don’t wanna have to keep on dealing with this
 

Catherineanne

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ugh, I’m getting really fed up with it. Even if I help her out, usually cleaning, it goes unnoticed or she complains how it should of been done. It’s like she feels the need to be in control of everything but if anyone tries to help. she finds a way to complain or make an excuse for not wanting anyone’s help. She always has this attitude of “I can do it myself” then complains about having to do everything.

I feel like it will only get worse when my dad dies. I really don’t know how he puts up with it all these years. My mom tries to control him through nagging and criticizing him how he chooses to live his life. I always kinda wished my dad would have the nerve to either divorce her or be more assertive.

The worst is her always complaining about the pets getting their fur all over and making messes or ruining something. And hearing her repeatedly say she’s done with pets aftee the dog and cat is gone breaks my heart. I find it incredibly sad when people value their material possessions more than furry legged friends or people. Her OCD about cleaning has gotten worse over the years. It’s driving me batty. The way she complains nonstop repeatedly mentioning the same stuff over and over makes her sound crazy and self-absorbed. My sister in law has noticed she has changed over the past few years. My brother and sister rarely ever talk about her behavior to me

I want out of her circus.... Problem is I’m on disability (I’m profoundly Deaf but can hear somewhat with hearing aid.) My monthly check would barely cover the cost of tbe cheapest apartment in my area especially now since I’m still maaking car payments. And cheapest usually means higher crime rates... I’ve thought about the roommate option and have looked on Craigslist since that can be cheaper than apt. living.

I realize something gotta change. my mom’s behavior is making me upset and ridden with anxiety. I don’t wanna have to keep on dealing with this

Hi, that sounds a terrible situation.

You cannot change your mother; only she can do that. What you can change is your reaction to what she says. You are right that it is a circus; you can decide not to be part of the audience.

Next time she complains stand up and walk out of the room; if you can manage it, walk out of the house. Say, 'Sorry; got to go!' as if you just remembered something very important, nothing whatever to do with the row, and go out. Go to the library and study for the evening; return at bedtime. Next day pretend nothing happened and don't have a row about it, but again, when the complaining starts just stand up and walk away. Go to the park, go to the library, even go to the kitchen and make coffee; anything you like but don't be part of the circus. If she follows you and carries on complaining then grab your coat and leave the house.

This won't solve the problem for anyone else, but there are times when we have to look after our own emotional wellbeing first, and this is one of those times. Perhaps your siblings will decide to do the same; if they do that will help.

Let your mother complain to the 4 walls if she likes; just don't be there. If she (or anyone) asks about it just say; 'I have to go out.' Don't explain why; don't say it is anything to do with her. Just 'I have to go out' and then leave.

And you might care to research dysfunctional families and interpersonal boundaries. Your boundaries are being trampled on; it is time for you to build them up again.
 
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Kit Sigmon

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Plan on moving out...look online for rental places you can afford on your own.
You say in another thread that you're not close to your parents and that you
be an introvert and love the quiet, so moving should be doable...unless you
and your boyfriend are going to be getting married soon...if so, opt for getting
married even sooner.
 
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Catherineanne

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Plan on moving out...look online for rental places you can afford on your own.
You say in another thread that you're not close to your parents and that you
be an introvert and love the quiet, so moving should be doable...unless you
and your boyfriend are going to be getting married soon...if so, opt for getting
married even sooner.

There are lots of good reasons to marry. Escaping abuse is not one of them.
 
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Andrew77

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ugh, I’m getting really fed up with it. Even if I help her out, usually cleaning, it goes unnoticed or she complains how it should of been done. It’s like she feels the need to be in control of everything but if anyone tries to help. she finds a way to complain or make an excuse for not wanting anyone’s help. She always has this attitude of “I can do it myself” then complains about having to do everything.

I feel like it will only get worse when my dad dies. I really don’t know how he puts up with it all these years. My mom tries to control him through nagging and criticizing him how he chooses to live his life. I always kinda wished my dad would have the nerve to either divorce her or be more assertive.

The worst is her always complaining about the pets getting their fur all over and making messes or ruining something. And hearing her repeatedly say she’s done with pets aftee the dog and cat is gone breaks my heart. I find it incredibly sad when people value their material possessions more than furry legged friends or people. Her OCD about cleaning has gotten worse over the years. It’s driving me batty. The way she complains nonstop repeatedly mentioning the same stuff over and over makes her sound crazy and self-absorbed. My sister in law has noticed she has changed over the past few years. My brother and sister rarely ever talk about her behavior to me

I want out of her circus.... Problem is I’m on disability (I’m profoundly Deaf but can hear somewhat with hearing aid.) My monthly check would barely cover the cost of tbe cheapest apartment in my area especially now since I’m still maaking car payments. And cheapest usually means higher crime rates... I’ve thought about the roommate option and have looked on Craigslist since that can be cheaper than apt. living.

I realize something gotta change. my mom’s behavior is making me upset and ridden with anxiety. I don’t wanna have to keep on dealing with this

So bunch of stuff here.

Animals. Animals are not humans. Always value animals less, than people. You are talking to someone who likes animals, but animals are always less important than people. If mother doesn't want animals in the house, then they should go. Period.

Complaining people. You need to get to the point in your life where they bother you less. People are going to drive you nuts until the very last day of your life, until you make the choice to stop letting them bother you. No one can fix this for you. There are annoying people all over this Earth, and you are going to deal with them until you are buried. Learn to tune them out.

Being broke. IF you have no money, then you shouldn't be paying for a car. Sell the car. Get rid of that monthly payment. Buy a cheap vehicle that fits with how much money you really have. As long as you live with a car payment, when you have no money, you can't complain about being broke or being stuck with your abusive mother. You are making the choice to be broke, be stuck, and living without hope.

Stop that. Get rid of the things in your life that are holding you back. You have no money to move forward in life, but you have this car payment. Sell the car, and get something you can afford that doesn't trap your life.

Or if you refuse to do that, then except that you made the choice to be trapped where you are.

So many people in this American culture, trap themselves in their own cage, and lock the cage door with their own lock, that they the key to.

You can choose to live as a slave American, or as a Free Christian. It's up to you.

Lastly, you need to find a career, and ditch the disability. I was working at a company down the road from me, and they had a guy there who jumped into a car that stalled out on a train track. The crash left him without legs, and confined to a wheel chair for life. He spent a few months on disability living with his mother, and said forget this.....

He got a degree in electrical engineering, and now makes $60k a year. He makes too much money to collect disability. Ditch the disability. Go find a career.

Again, you have the ability to unlock your own cage and fly free as a Christian. Or you can be a slave as an American, living off the tax payers. Fly free. That's my advice. It's time to stop with the living with crazy mommy, and can't do anything because of my disability income and car payment, and start with the "I'm going to live free as a Christian".

Now until that happens, I would spend as much time at your job that you are going to start working at if you don't have one yet, and spend the rest of your time volunteering at a charity somewhere. The more time you spend away from home, the better, until you can get your own place.
 
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Andrew77

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Plan on moving out...look online for rental places you can afford on your own.
You say in another thread that you're not close to your parents and that you
be an introvert and love the quiet, so moving should be doable...unless you
and your boyfriend are going to be getting married soon...if so, opt for getting
married even sooner.

I would advise anyone to never..... as in NEVER.... get married when you are trying to escape a bad situation.

You should marry when you are in a good situation.

Why? Because love is difficult enough to see clearly through..... it's next to impossible when you are in escape mode.

You'll end up over looking clear danger signs, and marrying a crazy person.

Do not..... do not please do not.... get married when you are trying to escape a terrible situation at home. Very bad plan.
 
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