Give "Bad" Advice (3)

How about a fire pit?

I want to grill some steaks but the weather is too bad. Is it safe to bring my grill indoors?

No, go on a 3 hour tour with the Skipper and Gilligan.

How to make my hair look fantastic!

Get a queer eye.

How can I get my laundry its whitest?

Hire someone to come do it for you. But only on Tuesdays.

I ate too many marshmallows.

Yer gonna have a fert smelling good time!

How to get a flying car?

Throw a blanket over you and dream.

Why does my catsup taste like ketchup?

You are still asleep. You are dreaming.
That is why.

How to handle a sleep walker?

The most crucial thing is to make sure their air passages are all clear, and then to administer CPR ASAP!!! It's been a few years since I took that emergency class but I'm fairly certain that I'm thinking of the right thing.

They say that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, in that case how can I cause the temperature outside to increase by 20 degrees?

Hehe!!! CPR....what a great idea

You can increase the temps by unconsciously taking a plane to Florida.

How can I pretend I’m on a beautiful deserted island?

Throw sand all over the floor where you live, leave the heating on at night and take up somnambulism.

How to convince Dr Caligari to share his secrets in a Ted talk?

contact the greatest showman.

how to write a convincing letter?

Write ‘this is a convincing letter’ at least once in every paragraph.

How to write a totally awesome book that everyone on the planet, even lost tribes in the Amazon, wants to read?

Use blood as ink.

I had a dream that my husband was mean to me. Should I confront him?

Yes, definitely. If you dreamed it it must mean that he was thinking it, or something. I would suggest a 2-3 day cycle of accusations and hysteria.

How to interpret my dog’s hole digging and bone finding dreams?

ask dr. doolittle.

should i be a counselor?

Sure, anyone can be a counselor. All you have to do is respond to everything with "how do you feel about that?"

Can I tell you just how I feel about it?

you must not because it seems you have a habit of jumping into conclusion without thorough research on the topic at hand.

how to be conservative but liberated?

You can show up at the voting polls naked and liberated, then vote for conservative republican Donald Trump.

How can I eliminate the ridges in my fingernails?

bite them! rawwrrr!

should i help my friend all the time?

@lucypevensie Eat chalk - I think it has calcium in it. Anyway it’ll stop you thinking about your fingernails.

How to swop lives with my dog for a day?