I am loosing faith and loosing sight.

Jlaw260 said:

For years I have been trying to grown stronger with my faith and yet I have slowly slid away. I am doubting the truth in the word, although I do believe in God and Jesus died for our sins. What is free will, and what is Gods so called plan? Apparently for the longest time I thought he did. I was dealt with the struggle of a mental disorder that used to try to see as the silver lining to grown stronger. I am 42 now and never been married while I have been in relationships with amazing women, only to have my illness destroy it in the end. Each time I loose faith in Gods plan for me, and question the truth in the word.

A lot has transpired over the last few weeks that has really made me explore by belief and I want to but cant. After a year my the most amazing girl I ever been with who was the only one that ever fully accepted me and I fully trusted. I carry wounds from all of my prior relationships that my illness been the main core of the splits. I pictured her a long time ago, and thought my prayer was answered. In the end my illness drover her away, and was to much for her. I have finally lost all will to consider another after all is see over my past is digression in time while all along I have fought and fought to be stronger.

Here is main part that makes me question. Ironically my church and her church had sermons on the topic of godly relationships. So this pulled me back and wanted to try again. She told me she is moving on and so should I. This week alone I have seen the 4 numbers of her birthday popped up. This last time today, it popped up and minutes later I received an email about how to rekindle marriages/relationship through a faith based boot camp. To me it feels like a sick joke and I only drives the knife even deeper. I dont believe in irony, but I have lost the will to believe what the word says about his will for me.

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You keep referring to God's plan, God's will, but I don't see you describing what is His actually will.

I'm actually curious to how you will reply to the following question I'm about to ask, and I want an honest reply...

Do you know what God's will is? If you do, can you recite what it is? If not, "I don't know" is an acceptable answer.

Have you ever considered celibacy? I have enough mental illness to the point where I can't physically stand to be in a relationship for more than a month without getting severely physically ill. Yet I constantly crave that intimacy. My solution at this point has been to accept the cards I've been given, and start focusing on God more than my personal relationships. Some of us just have bad luck in that area, but it is also a blessing in disguise I think.

Jlaw260 said:

According to he word for all, as read in Jeremiah 29:11

His will for me? No clue. I just dont get he already knows what he has in store for us, but we have free will? My free will has lead me down paths that ended up being wrong, trying to decipher him speaking to me or my head telling me another. When its been a slow downhill path the faith follows, yet "i give you hope".

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Hmm, ill give you a scenario.

I'm in the architectural field, and one of the most important things to know first before anything is your parameters, so property lines, zoning, how high we are allow to do it, what we are suppose to provide within that zoning to ensure that the client can go in it safely and with comfort. Now within that, making sure we are up to code, we then get creative, and working within such means, design freely, we pick our material, we make our shapes, decide which room is big, small, what the clients interest are whatever. We freely design in consideration of building laws and the parameters given. The worst thing you can do is try to design first with no consideration of law, and then try to somehow consider it after the fact. Its a waste of time and money.

So same here, before you worry about free will, you have to know your parameters, God's will. Luckily for us, its all listed in the Bible what God's will is; to be save, to witness to others, to live a life that is pure, to be willing to die for the faith, and to give God glory. This is the parameters you are given and laws are set to ensure that you live a fruitful life. The free will comes within working in those parameters, like how you utilize your time on earth, job, friends, dreams, goals, and how it relates to God's will. When it works in alignment to God's will, it bears the fruit. But if your working on your life without an understanding of God's will, its gonna be a waste of time.

Just like an architect cannot micro-manage how a client walk into their house, God doesn't micro-manage our every move in life.But how God sets up your life, its with the intent that God gets glory and that you find joy in it. Your free will comes with honoring that. So it helps to ask yourself, if all you are pursuing and putting your effort into actually considered God's will first? Are you conforming your free will to that, or are you going down paths in hope that God's will matches your will?

Stuff to think about before you abandon the faith.

Jlaw260 said:

For years I have been trying to grown stronger with my faith and yet I have slowly slid away. I am doubting the truth in the word, although I do believe in God and Jesus died for our sins. What is free will, and what is Gods so called plan? Apparently for the longest time I thought he did. I was dealt with the struggle of a mental disorder that used to try to see as the silver lining to grown stronger. I am 42 now and never been married while I have been in relationships with amazing women, only to have my illness destroy it in the end. Each time I loose faith in Gods plan for me, and question the truth in the word.

A lot has transpired over the last few weeks that has really made me explore by belief and I want to but cant. After a year my the most amazing girl I ever been with who was the only one that ever fully accepted me and I fully trusted. I carry wounds from all of my prior relationships that my illness been the main core of the splits. I pictured her a long time ago, and thought my prayer was answered. In the end my illness drover her away, and was to much for her. I have finally lost all will to consider another after all is see over my past is digression in time while all along I have fought and fought to be stronger.

Here is main part that makes me question. Ironically my church and her church had sermons on the topic of godly relationships. So this pulled me back and wanted to try again. She told me she is moving on and so should I. This week alone I have seen the 4 numbers of her birthday popped up. This last time today, it popped up and minutes later I received an email about how to rekindle marriages/relationship through a faith based boot camp. To me it feels like a sick joke and I only drives the knife even deeper. I dont believe in irony, but I have lost the will to believe what the word says about his will for me.

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HI and I am sorry you have a disorder that effects your ability to have a consistent normal relationship. The personal pain you go through is real but at some point you realize that perhaps you should take yourself off the relationship seen as eventually your disorder will destroy the relationship. If this is a known then perhaps you should accept your condition and singleness as a way of life. The giving it up before it starts might be the best strategy for you. There is a underlying tone that seems a bit selfish as to you are not getting your needs met. The thing with God is the joy is by being accepted by the LORD. This is a foundation for all life and one you can have either single or in a relationship. The faith you have in God should not be based on weather or not your romantic relationships pan out but on the love and mercy of God for you and His accepting you and promising you eternal life. The sad truth is you are probably not suited to be a good mate and if love is selfless you would not want to harm a good girl who can get past some or your problems and start down the road with you. You seem old enough to see a pattern that is not fair to bring in to a relationship that seems doomed before it starts. It is ok to be single.

Jlaw260 said:

No the paths I have ventured on where what I felt was where I was supposed to be, physically and dealing with my illness. See interesting enough I had a desire to be an architect for years growing up and in high school. I couldnt wrap my head around "that", in school, as now I cant in life. Its all overloading and numbing. Walking in my shoes on a daily basis is a struggle, even from the smallest things like standing in line at the grocery store.

I know..... I have been through therapy. The only job career I know requires me to travel, so I never could maintain on a regular basis. So what I felt and prayed about what starting my own company to allow me the freedom to stay in one place in order to begin to work on my illness. I spent 2 years developing it, and spent almost everything I had to start. 30 days before the launch, project fails and gone. This has been the story of my life. Its tough to look back and see the ironies, when others speak of their journey and can see why they were lead which was his plan for them. So yea its hard to keep faith.... in my 20s, 30, 40s it fades.

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Honestly you will not be able to maintain a relationship until you can maintain yourself. A relationship will never "fix" you, and continuing down the road of trial and error will only bring further pain. I do not believe that God is required to heal our injuries just because we ask. After all our problems are a result of our forebears mistakes. You can pray and hope, but a large part of the Christian life is learning to be satisfied with what we have been given. If you base your relationship with God only on whether or not he gives you a satisfying relationship, then you aren't looking at God in the right light. Learn to be thankful for what you have, and then pray for stability. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a relationship last even a year, or be with anyone that isn't also psychotic. The point of life is not just relationships with people. Ultimately if they distract us from God then we would do better then to be without them.

Basically the will of God for us is that we should have Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, turn from all known and willful sin and be determined to live a holy life for the Lord. Everything starts from that point. The trouble is that much of the preaching is of an defective gospel where all a person has to do is to profess Jesus as their Saviour, but having Him as Lord is optional, and that repentance is not really necessary, and that favourite sins can be retained without punishment, and a holy life would make a person too religious.

Jlaw260 said:

For years I have been trying to grown stronger with my faith and yet I have slowly slid away. I am doubting the truth in the word, although I do believe in God and Jesus died for our sins. What is free will, and what is Gods so called plan? Apparently for the longest time I thought he did. I was dealt with the struggle of a mental disorder that used to try to see as the silver lining to grown stronger. I am 42 now and never been married while I have been in relationships with amazing women, only to have my illness destroy it in the end. Each time I loose faith in Gods plan for me, and question the truth in the word.

A lot has transpired over the last few weeks that has really made me explore by belief and I want to but cant. After a year my the most amazing girl I ever been with who was the only one that ever fully accepted me and I fully trusted. I carry wounds from all of my prior relationships that my illness been the main core of the splits. I pictured her a long time ago, and thought my prayer was answered. In the end my illness drover her away, and was to much for her. I have finally lost all will to consider another after all is see over my past is digression in time while all along I have fought and fought to be stronger.

Here is main part that makes me question. Ironically my church and her church had sermons on the topic of godly relationships. So this pulled me back and wanted to try again. She told me she is moving on and so should I. This week alone I have seen the 4 numbers of her birthday popped up. This last time today, it popped up and minutes later I received an email about how to rekindle marriages/relationship through a faith based boot camp. To me it feels like a sick joke and I only drives the knife even deeper. I dont believe in irony, but I have lost the will to believe what the word says about his will for me.

Click to expand...

I personally cherry pick in the bible. Give your spirit a spiritual knife and send him or her into a spiritual forest, it'll give you a spiritual wooden table to eat on-and a spiritual house to put it in. There's a reason why there's more than one religion and people having all religions or something to that effect. You might feel mixed emotions about this so just do what you gotta do like I do. You know some talented people out there does such things if that gives any good comfort.

Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane said:

I personally cherry pick in the bible. Give your spirit a spiritual knife and send him or her into a spiritual forest, it'll give you a spiritual wooden table to eat on-and a spiritual house to put it in. There's a reason why there's more than one religion and people having all religions or something to that effect. You might feel mixed emotions about this so just do what you gotta do like I do. You know some talented people out there does such things if that gives any good comfort.

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I agree. Christianity is not meant to strangle the life out of anybody. As my pastor says, nobody can force you to be a martyr. Maybe some people carry burdens that God is not really asking them to carry. Too many people create rules in their life based on religious teachings when sometimes they need to go out and live without resentments eating them up. And dare I say it, sin boldly. Getting to heaven with an eternity of regrets is no paradise.

I found a partner that was disabled like me and we started living together when I was age 36 (I'm now 41). We are too poor to marry. We are "living in sin" by some peoples reckonings. But you know, I don't really care about peoples judgments. I don't care I had to walk away from a religion I loved that I wanted to be a part of (Eastern Orthodoxy). I've got peace with God and I have found real purpose in life, and in the end, that's all that matters.

FireDragon76 said:

I agree. Christianity is not meant to strangle the life out of anybody. As my pastor says, nobody can force you to be a martyr. Maybe some people carry burdens that God is not really asking them to carry. Too many people create rules in their life based on religious teachings when sometimes they need to go out and live without resentments eating them up. And dare I say it, sin boldly. Getting to heaven with an eternity of regrets is no paradise.

I found a partner that was disabled like me and we started living together when I was age 36 (I'm now 41). We are too poor to marry. We are "living in sin" by some peoples reckonings. But you know, I don't really care about peoples judgments. I don't care I had to walk away from a religion I loved that I wanted to be a part of (Eastern Orthodoxy). I've got peace with God and I have found real purpose in life, and in the end, that's all that matters.

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My daughter became a Christian at the age of 10. But lost her way a bit when she went through 2 years of clinical depression between 18 and 19 years old. I think she still believes in God but is reluctant to go back and join a church. I asked her why, and she said, "I don't want people telling me how to run my life." I understood her completely. It is sad that many churches have given the mistaken impression that they are there to run people's lives for them, and there are some churches, especially those of the Shepherding/Discipleship movement that teach that every member should be subject and obedient to their "discipler". I don't believe in that doctrine at all because it has destroyed too many good lives and driven people away from church and from Christ. Jesus never gave authority to one person to exercise it over another. He gave the disciples authority over sickness and demons, but never over each other or those to whom they led to the Lord. Any counselling or correction given should always be advisory and not mandatory. If anyone in a church does that to you, you have the right to complain to the pastor and elders, if they don't agree with your complaint, get out of that church and brush the dust off your feet against them. No one has the right to come between you and Christ.

A leader (whom you know and trust) has the right to point out what the Scripture says about behaviour and conduct, but does not have the right to make personal judgments against you. Jesus is your only Judge, and He is your defence lawyer at the same time!

As far as living together, if you have made a definite commitment before God about your common law marriage, then that is between you and God and no one else. You gave good reason for not having to go through the expense of a wedding. But if you have made your personal vows that you will love and be faithful to your partner until death does you part, then who can lay any charge against you that you are living in sin? I am pretty strict about holy living, and I would not argue with that in any way at all! In the First Century, all a couple had to do was to make that solemn commitment with each other and then get it notarised by the local authority and that was marriage. Whether the couple wanted to go through a ceremony with all the trappings was their choice and that was only to celebrate the marriage which had already happened. It was the Roman Catholic church around the 11th Century that said people had to get married in a church with a priest, because they wanted to control marriages to ensure that no one got married to anyone outside of that church. This was because emperors were marrying non-Catholics and the Bishop of Rome wanted to politically control those emperors. So he made a rule that if anyone married outside of the RCC, they were to be excommunicated and their marriages ruled null and void. There is nothing in Scripture that a couple have to be married in a church by a minister. That is religious and cultural thing, and all God requires is a life-long heart commitment to each other. So if anyone criticises you for being in a common law marriage, tell them to stick their comments in their ear!

I think that it would be better for you to live within God's commandments to not be in a relationship at this time. But forge a relationship with God through the Holy Spirit. One day you may be ready for a relationship and God will let you know. In the meantime ensure that you have enough to keep you partly occupied to take your mind of your illness.