Struggles...

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

My life right now is going super bad and I want all of it to end. I’m in tears while writing this right now. I have extremely repetitive unwanted thoughts that scare me and I also have urges in my brain to do things that only worsens my anxiety, I want to ignore it but my brain is just still thinking about it. My brain just conflicts with itself and I go insane, I cannot control my thoughts. I’m fearful of my past and my future... I don’t want this. Why can’t God just end all of this if he truly loves me? What can I do to stop this? I just really want to die and not feel anymore pain and suffering. I can’t find happiness IN ANYTHING anymore...

Handmaid for Jesus · Jan 22, 2018

God is so much in love with you. He sees , He knows and He cares. He will free if you let Him.But from your post, you are hugging all your cares to yourself and not casting them upon Him.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Forgive yourself, our Father has. Your past is under the blood of Lord Jesus, so is your present and your future.Faith says "I am forgiven." Start saying that. Play some good music. When King Saul was troubled, David played music for him and he felt better. And it is something about praising our Father that lifts us out of the deepest funk.

Sketcher · Jan 22, 2018

God knows where you're really at. He's not going to hold thoughts against you that are intrusive or invasive.

ToBeLoved · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
My life right now is going super bad and I want all of it to end. I’m in tears while writing this right now. I have extremely repetitive unwanted thoughts that scare me and I also have urges in my brain to do things that only worsens my anxiety, I want to ignore it but my brain is just still thinking about it. My brain just conflicts with itself and I go insane, I cannot control my thoughts. I’m fearful of my past and my future... I don’t want this. Why can’t God just end all of this if he truly loves me? What can I do to stop this? I just really want to die and not feel anymore pain and suffering. I can’t find happiness IN ANYTHING anymore...

Don't take this as judgemental because it's not meant to be. Do you have insurance and could you go into a counselor or therapist and be professionally evaluated?

It sounds from reading your brief post and that you are having so many repetitive, unwanted thoughts that there may be an issue there.

God bless.

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

ToBeLoved said:
Don't take this as judgemental because it's not meant to be. Do you have insurance and could you go into a counselor or therapist and be professionally evaluated?

It sounds from reading your brief post and that you are having so many repetitive, unwanted thoughts that there may be an issue there.

God bless.

No I do not, and even if I did I'm too insecure to...

, I'm that way always, it's hard to communicate, make friends. I honestly hate my life, there is no point.

ToBeLoved · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
No I do not, and even if I did I'm too insecure to...

I would have no pride if I was at the point that I didn't want to live anymore.

When life is that bad, what do you have to loose by looking for help? If you are really at such a low point, I don't see what you would even need self confidence for.

Is there a hospital that must accept all patients around you?

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

ToBeLoved said:
I would have no pride if I was at the point that I didn't want to live anymore.

When life is that bad, what do you have to loose by looking for help? If you are really at such a low point, I don't see what you would even need self confidence for.

Is there a hospital that must accept all patients around you?

I don't know, my parents most likely wont allow it...

Sketcher · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
I don't know, my parents most likely wont allow it...

I am certain that your parents would rather have you get whatever psychological or medical care you might need to get better than have you die before they do.

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

Sketcher said:
I am certain that your parents would rather have you get whatever psychological or medical care you might need to get better than have you die before they do.

It's not really I'm going to commit suicide, it's that if my life sucks so bad and I have no purpose, why does God want me here and why he hasn't just killed me off because I'm just a waste of a human. I care for my family and my few friends and if I kill myself, it would devastate them.

Sketcher · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
It's not really I'm going to commit suicide, it's that if my life sucks so bad and I have no purpose, why does God want me here and why he hasn't just killed me off because I'm just a waste of a human. I care for my family and my few friends and if I kill myself, it would devastate them.

It can always be worse though. You could be in Iraq or Syria. Anyway, why does your life suck so bad? Maybe we can advise you so that it won't suck as much.

Handmaid for Jesus · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
It's not really I'm going to commit suicide, it's that if my life sucks so bad and I have no purpose, why does God want me here and why he hasn't just killed me off because I'm just a waste of a human. I care for my family and my few friends and if I kill myself, it would devastate them.

Caleb these are very important questions. Ask our Father.He has the answers. He certainly wanted you here. How old are you ? It is difficult coming of age and having to learn how to be responsible for yourself.But you have a purpose, you just have to discover what it is. What do you like to do?

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

Sketcher said:
It can always be worse though. You could be in Iraq or Syria. Anyway, why does your life suck so bad? Maybe we can advise you so that it won't suck as much.

It all started from a fear that lingered with me and stupid me kept thinking about it and making it worse... I started having nightmares and had 14+ sleepless nights over a span of time... that made me more anti-social and shy, which made me depressed... and I started veering off from God. Then God told me that, "HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ON YOUR OWN." I've been trying to become closer with him, and I'll have a streak of growing in him, then I start to fall off track and then I have a panic-attack, get depressed and anxious. And here I am...
I spoke to my Dad and he's saying I'm using Christ as a scapegoat and I'm only using him when I need him, but idk where to start.

Caleb22 · Jan 22, 2018

Handmaid for Jesus said:
Caleb these are very important questions. Ask our Father.He has the answers. He certainly wanted you here. How old are you ? It is difficult coming of age and having to learn how to be responsible for yourself.But you have a purpose, you just have to discover what it is. What do you like to do?

I'm a freshman in high-school. And whenever I ask him for answers, I'm so lost and I feel like the questions are left un-answered... whenever I look to the Bible I don't know where to start and everything confuses me.

Handmaid for Jesus · Jan 22, 2018

Caleb22 said:
I'm a freshman in high-school. And whenever I ask him for answers, I'm so lost and I feel like the questions are left un-answered... whenever I look to the Bible I don't know where to start and everything confuses me.

Well freshman year in high school is an exciting period in life.The answers you are seeking are coming. It is just a matter of time. From your post I thought you were late teens. I want to tell you to relax and enjoy being a freshman in high school.You have friends and parents who love you, enjoy them.Enjoy your church activities. Think about what you want to do after high school. Remember our Father does love you so much. He has forgiven you your past.Take life one day at a time.

ToBeLoved · Jan 23, 2018

Caleb22 said:
I don't know, my parents most likely wont allow it...

My point is that if you can get to a doctor, any doctor and tell them, as medical professionals all that you are feeling they will know how to advise you.

Your parents don't have all the answers when it comes to health and medicine. But your parents will want to take you to a doctor if you tell them you need to see one.

Get to the doctor and get your parents help to get your appointment and get there. Then tell the doctor. Your doctor can then communicate what is going on back to you and your parents.

You and your parents have no idea what is going on until you get a doctor diagnosis. Then you can deal with whatever is going on.

KaylaDee23 · Jan 23, 2018

Caleb22 said:
Then God told me that, "HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ON YOUR OWN." I've been trying to become closer with him, and I'll have a streak of growing in him, then I start to fall off track and then I have a panic-attack, get depressed and anxious. And here I am...
I spoke to my Dad and he's saying I'm using Christ as a scapegoat and I'm only using him when I need him, but idk where to start.

Hi Caleb, I feel that it sounds like you're taking a step to get closer to God and the enemy is waging war with you. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to fight. I know what some of what you're going through feels like; I had to message some of the women from the church several weeks ago and ask them to pray for my battle with anxiety. I made a decision that the enemy has waged war on my mind, and I'm coming out on top with the Lords help! You are going to have to do the same. Keep fighting! When it's hard, when it's hopeless, when you're wondering why the Lord is allowing you to live. I've been there, and I still get there sometimes. You have to know, He loves you and He has a plan for you. He has not put you on this earth to fail, but to succeed in every endeavor He plans out for you.
Every morning before your feet hit the floor thank Him for His love, thank Him for the day, and think of at least one thing your thankful for. Begin to change your thinking and you'll change your life. I know what it feels like to think "Will it always be this way", and I'm telling you friend, it won't. Trust the Lord, He will see you through. I'll remember you in prayer, and I hope to see shortly that you're putting the enemy on the run and walking in victory!

Caleb22 · Jan 28, 2018

KaylaDee23 said:
Hi Caleb, I feel that it sounds like you're taking a step to get closer to God and the enemy is waging war with you. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to fight. I know what some of what you're going through feels like; I had to message some of the women from the church several weeks ago and ask them to pray for my battle with anxiety. I made a decision that the enemy has waged war on my mind, and I'm coming out on top with the Lords help! You are going to have to do the same. Keep fighting! When it's hard, when it's hopeless, when you're wondering why the Lord is allowing you to live. I've been there, and I still get there sometimes. You have to know, He loves you and He has a plan for you. He has not put you on this earth to fail, but to succeed in every endeavor He plans out for you.
Every morning before your feet hit the floor thank Him for His love, thank Him for the day, and think of at least one thing your thankful for. Begin to change your thinking and you'll change your life. I know what it feels like to think "Will it always be this way", and I'm telling you friend, it won't. Trust the Lord, He will see you through. I'll remember you in prayer, and I hope to see shortly that you're putting the enemy on the run and walking in victory!

Thank you! I just went to a camp that my church hosts and it really opened my heart. I learned that I need to read my Bible more and pray more, and now that I'm home and I'm doing it... I'm feeling much better!

aiki · Feb 1, 2018

Caleb22 said:
My life right now is going super bad and I want all of it to end. I’m in tears while writing this right now. I have extremely repetitive unwanted thoughts that scare me and I also have urges in my brain to do things that only worsens my anxiety, I want to ignore it but my brain is just still thinking about it. My brain just conflicts with itself and I go insane, I cannot control my thoughts. I’m fearful of my past and my future... I don’t want this. Why can’t God just end all of this if he truly loves me? What can I do to stop this? I just really want to die and not feel anymore pain and suffering. I can’t find happiness IN ANYTHING anymore...

Sounds like me thirty years ago. I got free of what you describe by going deeper with God. This required a number of things to change:

1.) I had to learn to trust, really trust, God.

Job 13:15
15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him...

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Isaiah 26:3
3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

2.) I had to learn to stand unmoved on the truth of God's word.

2 Timothy 1:7
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control...

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

3.) I had to learn to interrupt the cycles of scary thoughts and anxious feelings that gripped me with God's truth.

Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.

Psalms 1:1-3
1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.

4.) I had to learn to look away from my obsessive thoughts and fix my mind on Christ instead.

Hebrews 12:1-4
1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

None of what I describe here changed over night. Getting free of my obsessive and anxious thinking took time. I had to re-train my thinking patterns and learn to anchor my mind to God's truth. But as I did, I eventually came entirely free of my fearful and obsessive thinking. You can, too.

Too many Christians these days just want God to lift their struggles from them. But this isn't God's way. He uses the sort of problem you're facing to provoke you to change, to prompt you to trust and depend upon Him more, and to feed upon His life-changing word. Will you?

1 Peter 5:10
10 But the God of all grace, who has called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that you have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.

Hebrews 12:9-13
9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?
10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.
11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees,
13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.

ToBeLoved · Feb 1, 2018

Caleb22 said:
I'm a freshman in high-school. And whenever I ask him for answers, I'm so lost and I feel like the questions are left un-answered... whenever I look to the Bible I don't know where to start and everything confuses me.

Have you ever looked into a Bible specifically focused at teens? I know there are some.

Here are some links:

NKJV, Extreme Teen Study Bible, Hardcover: Real Faith for Real Life

Ignite-NKJV: The Bible for Teens

quartzy · Feb 1, 2018

I do feel for you I have been there and I think most everyone has who is a Christian, you see God wants us to trust him and get the answers from our spirit and upholding the commandments. Any time you are in sin you will feel that pain, that pain needs to be gone through if it is deep to see what the holy spirit is telling you. I have been down on my knees in pain asking God what he wanted of me, and it has come. Trusting in God is the only way that you can get out of this despondency and despair. God has great plans for you and everyone of us, make sure that you can follow them. God bless you

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