I was divorced August 21,2017 from my husband after 27 years. As I stood in front of the judge I thought I was going to die. When the words were spoken, divorce is granted, I knew the true meaning of hell on earth. We are both Christians and have attended the same church for years. For a long time (years) I knew there was something wrong as my husband became more distant.I tried hard to talk to him and I walked around even in stores breaking down crying. Then the Holy Spirit started showing me things. He led me and my son to come home early and find that he had inappropriate content pulled up on the computer, the computer in our alcove with all the bible verses taped to it. It is where I reached the world through Christ with His word. The first year of the last seven we wanted it to work. (I still do). He received Godly council and materials from the pastors that worked with him at church. He would do a few pages and quit. over the course of the next years my son and I prayed and warred over his addiction and heart that turned form the life Christ would have us live. the, night at 3:30 in the morning, five hours before the divorce hearing, I opened his door and woke him up(we were sleeping in separate bedrooms.) I asked him if he would give it up for God, he was silent. Would he give it up for his son, for me. He said nothing I walked out of the room and hours later heard the words that echo in my mind and heart today. I went to one counciling session with him (that was not of God) and did nothing after as I waited on him to turn through prayer. I have learned some things on this side of divorce, one thing I always new how deeply I love the Lord, my husband and family. We talked more after the divorce as I stayed in our home two weeks than in the seven years. He told me he would never have divorced me but would never have stopped what he was doing. I thought I was going to be physically sick. He also told me with fear on his face he could have been caught at work and lost his job(he is a police officer) I hurt so bad when I heard those words and saw his face. I asked him why didn't he feel that about his family? He was open the first week to coming and seeing my son and myself but I wanted our distance at first, for myself and son that this had wounded. It a matter of a week or so he no longer wants anything to do with me. It makes me feel as thou I did something wrong. I know now I was asleep in pain praying and waiting on my husband to show me we were worth the change,that he loved me, that I had value. that our family had value....... that he surrendered to Christ.We had little communication over the last few years we were married I stayed in my room. I know now if I had pursued counciling he would have went. If I had kept open communication with him.....if if if. He wants nothing to do with me and because of him not sending my son a card for his birthday or Christmas my son is wounded (hurt). He has are po box and because I was led by the Holy Spirit to be transparent with him our address now. He is living in his apartment, can come and go as he pleases and I believe is seeing someone or wanting a new life. He told me when I walked in the door after the door don't wait on him. He has said it again when I asked him if that's what he still wanted. We committed to get counciling and then after awhile to get help together. yet now he wont even speak to me.......I have reached out to our church 3 times to try and get help for myself and see if Calvin will have one session with me at church. I will call them again tomorrow. In a matter of close to 5 months My self and family lost our dog, my marriage, my home to flood and my baby sister a few days before Thanksgiving. My prayer request is for God to minister to me the direction I should go in. I love my husband and God is a God of miracles. I'm heart broken I did not do more. My (ex)husband does not want to hear any of it. I send him the dates and times of my counciling sessions and pray he will come. Im asking for prayer for his heart ot turn to a real relationship with Christ to see his family and the wife of his youth again. I pray to God for the witness in this to others.........please pray for the pain I carry with me every day and for my son as well as the hearts of my other children that love us so much. I give God the glory for my amazing kids, for family and friends that are and have stood with us in prayer and for you. May God bless you and your lives from now into eternity. Shalom.