Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?


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LinkH

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At least 41% of marriages have dealt with fidelity issues at some point. Just because it doesnt always lead to divorce doesnt mean it isnt prevalent and destroying marriages.
Just because money is the number one cause doesnt lessen the severity of infidelity. It also doesnt discount the pp who had a valid point.
http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

What is the population? What is the source this website gets its statistics from? 41% includes emotional infidelity. So that counts having feelings.
 
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Paidiske

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First of all I agree that opening up to some one close in a relationship can help heal past emotional wounds, so a women should consider herself lucky if she has a husband who listens and understands her trauma.

A girl who has been sexually abused as a child/teen has been scarred for life but scars do heal with time as time is the greatest healer.

One who has been sexually abused has had a bad sex experience without her/his consent.

A bad experience in life has to fade away from memory to make space for new memories that should stay forever.

A gentle, pleasant , sensual love making between a woman and her man can be relived in a mind of a woman to cherish such good memories.

She can specifically ask a man politely what she does not like to be done to her body. (Only a fool will go against her wishes and disrespect her)

As VallGal says "no sex at all is terrible for a marriage and will come between them....resentments build, etc."

That's very true for couple who have negligible amount of sex or sex just for formality can ring death knell for their marriage/relationship.

More and more Divorces and Promiscuity arise due to distancing between couples who fail to communicate and stay together.

More over such recreational activities will help to procreate.

I'd say this doesn't show much understanding of trauma, by the way. Time doesn't necessarily heal traumatic memory by default. Those memories don't "fade," they often get replayed with ongoing intensity as if the person was back in the moment. (That's what flashbacks are).

Some people who have been through trauma will never heal in this lifetime. Often, when a person does enter therapy, the symptoms and distress they experience will intensify - often for years - before improvement happens.

I'm not saying someone shouldn't seek what help they can have, for healing. But expecting that healing will happen by default is naive.
 
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Ana the Ist

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So the other day I was hanging out with my newly wed cousin sister and we were there surrounded by our common friends.

My cousin sister confessed that being new in wedlock was cool and fun and she was enjoying the wedding bliss.

She said that her husband was demanding her sex many times more when they holidays on weekends.

So the question is: Do Wives Always Have to Say Yes to Sex?

No...absolutely not.

If a woman says no to sex...which she has every right to do...it doesn't justify a man cheating on her. That said...

Repeatedly rejecting a partner will almost certainly lead to feelings of rejection, often resentment, damage to confidence, etc. I'm not saying that rejecting a man once...or even twice...will necessarily cause this (it can...but it shouldn't) but if a woman repeatedly rejects a man, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect there to be damage.

It's a powerful kind of rejection, which isn't like other kinds of rejection.
 
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Dave-W

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No...absolutely not.

If a woman says no to sex...which she has every right to do...it doesn't justify a man cheating on her. That said...

Repeatedly rejecting a partner will almost certainly lead to feelings of rejection, often resentment, damage to confidence, etc. I'm not saying that rejecting a man once...or even twice...will necessarily cause this (it can...but it shouldn't) but if a woman repeatedly rejects a man, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect there to be damage.

It's a powerful kind of rejection, which isn't like other kinds of rejection.
I find your post to self contradictory. If she has right of refusal, he has no right to feel rejected. (And vice versa)
 
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Ana the Ist

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I find your post to self contradictory. If she has right of refusal, he has no right to feel rejected. (And vice versa)

Huh? Emotions aren't based upon rights...people will feel how they feel.

It's a bit odd to have to explain that to an adult. Where are you getting these ideas from? The "right to feel rejected"?
 
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HannahT

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I find your post to self contradictory. If she has right of refusal, he has no right to feel rejected. (And vice versa)

Read it again. Ana spoke of the right of refusal, but also reminds people that doing this habitually will damage the relationship. This is pretty common sense stuff here.

I mean that is why refusal is brought up to begin with. The cause and effect of it.

You will always have some that take it legalistically - and claim you can never do it. It's against scripture, and completely miss the spirit of what is said. Remember its not meant to be used as a weapon or a matter of coercion. Respect and love doesn't thrive under those circumstances.

Most people should be able to discern the spirit of what is being said, and use a bit of common sense as well. It wasn't meant as a power structure deal. When people try to use it has such? It out of selfishness, and the common sense meaning that should dawn on the majority is completely lost.

There is a huge difference between an occasion NO, and NO being the answer all the time. Everyone knows that.
 
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Ana the Ist

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Read it again. Ana spoke of the right of refusal, but also reminds people that doing this habitually will damage the relationship. This is pretty common sense stuff here.

I mean that is why refusal is brought up to begin with. The cause and effect of it.

You will always have some that take it legalistically - and claim you can never do it. It's against scripture, and completely miss the spirit of what is said. Remember its not meant to be used as a weapon or a matter of coercion. Respect and love doesn't thrive under those circumstances.

Most people should be able to discern the spirit of what is being said, and use a bit of common sense as well. It wasn't meant as a power structure deal. When people try to use it has such? It out of selfishness, and the common sense meaning that should dawn on the majority is completely lost.

There is a huge difference between an occasion NO, and NO being the answer all the time. Everyone knows that.

Hey thanks Hannah...frankly, I was a little surprised that anyone disagreed with my post. I felt I was just pointing out the obvious.

I was also surprised to find 7 people think that a wife should never turn down a husband...which is a little frightening. If it were 7 out of 1000...I'd just think it's a few outsiders answering the poll. It's not though...

So I guess it's worth mentioning something else that seems rather obvious, if you constantly pressure your wife to have sex even when she doesn't want to....she's likely to end up with some hurt feelings as well. Everyone likes to feel sexually desirable (I imagine most do anyway) but no one wants to feel like someone else has control over their body. In the way that sexual rejection is a unique kind of rejection...sexual compulsion is also uniquely damaging. Being emotionally bullied with guilt or other feelings of obligation can lead to just as much resentment and helplessness as rejection can. I would think that every wife wants to feel like she has control over her own body.

Now, arguably marriage is a legal contract...and consummation of the marriage is a part of that contract in the eyes of the law (not consummating the marriage is considered grounds for annulment)...but that's it. In the eyes of the law...you're only "owed" sex from your marriage partner once. If your married sex life has gotten to the point where you're investigating what you're legally obligated....you've probably got serious problems that won't be fixed by a lawyer.
 
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Dave-W

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Huh? Emotions aren't based upon rights...people will feel how they feel.
Only if they are ruled by their emotions. We are commanded to take every thought captive (and that includes emotions) to the obedience of Christ.
 
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Paidiske

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You can manage your behaviour, and to some extent you can regulate your emotions. You can suppress them (unhealthy, though). You can work through them over time.

But I don't believe you can change them at will.
 
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Dave-W

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Read it again. Ana spoke of the right of refusal, but also reminds people that doing this habitually will damage the relationship. This is pretty common sense stuff here.

I mean that is why refusal is brought up to begin with. The cause and effect of it.
Does a person have a "right" to refusal? Of course. But there is no right to feel bad about it.

The bible talks about husbands making sure their wives are satisfied in both testaments, but other than a couple of verses in 1 Cor 7, makes no statement the other way around.
 
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Danthemailman

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1 Corinthians 7:1 - Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
 
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HannahT

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Does a person have a "right" to refusal? Of course. But there is no right to feel bad about it.

The bible talks about husbands making sure their wives are satisfied in both testaments, but other than a couple of verses in 1 Cor 7, makes no statement the other way around.

I can see someone being disappointed over being refused. That's only natural. They don't need scripture to grant them that. It just is.

Again, I'm NOT speaking of habitual here...but run of the mill marriage circumstances that people run into.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Feeling a bit of rejection if one is repeatedly refused sex is I don’t think irrational. It makes sense. It’s the response to the rejection or how the rejection is handled where we have the quintessential case of “you can feel how you want, but you can’t use it as an excuse for bad behavior.”

For an example, “I feel rejected because you say no to sexual intimacy a lot, I want to talk about it...” is pretty rational. “I feel rejected because you say no to sexual intimacy a lot and that’s why I spent $500 on strippers and slept with a girl I met at a bar” is not.
 
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Dave-W

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Tropical Wilds

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Which is a good thing that, while the Bible gives us an outline for how to live as our most spiritual and Godly selves, it also points out that we will fall short more often than not and that’s one of the many reasons to be grateful for God’s forgiveness and grace.

That is, of course, if you feel that being rejected is unbiblical... Which I don't.
 
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Dave-W

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, if you feel that being rejected is unbiblical... Which I don't.
Not being rejected, just feeling rejected.

Matthew 5:11
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.​

Don't feel rejected, feel blessed.
 
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Almost there

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There were guys that were lauded from the pulpit for not having wet dreams any more.

They had guys come around and question us regularly (at least us guys) about whether we had sexual feelings or had masturbated since the last meeting. If we answered yes to either we went thru that program. (Never helped me much)
Personally, I'd leave such a nutty church. Denial of human sexuality is one of the reasons I'll leave a church.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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Not being rejected, just feeling rejected.

Matthew 5:11
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.​

Don't feel rejected, feel blessed.

I don’t think being or feeling rejected is unbiblical, so either way, I still think people who feel that way are not running afoul of God.
 
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