Bless you all. I've posted a few threads here. Just looking for more guidance and encouragement.
I've been married a little over 8 years. I love my wife. However things go wrong in marriage. I was 20 and she was 22. She threatened divorce early on since we were living at my mom's house and wasn't getting along with my mom at the time. Arguments over the years led to comments like "I don't love you anymore". After she calmed down she always rescinded these statements. Always apologized. Still, these comments stuck with me. I used it as an excuse to lust after other women in real life and inappropriate content. Now, I never once considered pursuing another woman, but fantasies were common. I took opportunities as they presented themselves whether it was "hot" photos on Facebook or even sneaking a peek at a another's smartphone or laptop to try to find sleazy photos. The devil had ah hold on me.
About a year and a half ago she quit working. She's had various health problems over the years which were exacerbated by her stressful jobs. She's now running her own sales business at home. I say this because when this happened things changed. I started to feel her love again. It made me reflect on who I was and what I had been doing to cope with our struggles and lack of intimacy. I ceased viewing inappropriate content. I've had opportunities to snoop on people's devices and easily said no. I would still check out the nsfw threads of attractive women but never inappropriate content. Steadily I have pushed back on all of it and it's been over a month completely free of it.
A few weeks ago I told my wife about my struggles. I told her the extent of my sin (lust, inappropriate content) and that I would fantasize about other attractive women indiscriminately. I also let her know that I never wanted anyone else. I just was scratching the intimacy itch. I left out the gory details of snooping on devices or the sites I would visit and whatnot but I believe she understood that all I wanted from her is an accountability partner. She openly forgave me and didn't really pressure me for details. Sometimes I felt like should spill out the rest but outside of talking to another women she wanted to move on. She checks on me most days to make sure I'm doing well and I look forward to saying that I'm doing well. We are also making it a point to spend more time together and reconnect.
My query for you is this. Do you believe I was proper in my confession? Did I disclose enough but not too much? My guilt and shame has me second guessing so many things. I think a general idea was enough and don't want harmful inages in her head. I just wanted her to know that my mind was wandering and I need her strength to be better. I know I didn't have an affair and I could never do that. I let selfish desires poison me. I just want to move on. Forgiving myself is difficult. I appreciate your input.
I've been married a little over 8 years. I love my wife. However things go wrong in marriage. I was 20 and she was 22. She threatened divorce early on since we were living at my mom's house and wasn't getting along with my mom at the time. Arguments over the years led to comments like "I don't love you anymore". After she calmed down she always rescinded these statements. Always apologized. Still, these comments stuck with me. I used it as an excuse to lust after other women in real life and inappropriate content. Now, I never once considered pursuing another woman, but fantasies were common. I took opportunities as they presented themselves whether it was "hot" photos on Facebook or even sneaking a peek at a another's smartphone or laptop to try to find sleazy photos. The devil had ah hold on me.
About a year and a half ago she quit working. She's had various health problems over the years which were exacerbated by her stressful jobs. She's now running her own sales business at home. I say this because when this happened things changed. I started to feel her love again. It made me reflect on who I was and what I had been doing to cope with our struggles and lack of intimacy. I ceased viewing inappropriate content. I've had opportunities to snoop on people's devices and easily said no. I would still check out the nsfw threads of attractive women but never inappropriate content. Steadily I have pushed back on all of it and it's been over a month completely free of it.
A few weeks ago I told my wife about my struggles. I told her the extent of my sin (lust, inappropriate content) and that I would fantasize about other attractive women indiscriminately. I also let her know that I never wanted anyone else. I just was scratching the intimacy itch. I left out the gory details of snooping on devices or the sites I would visit and whatnot but I believe she understood that all I wanted from her is an accountability partner. She openly forgave me and didn't really pressure me for details. Sometimes I felt like should spill out the rest but outside of talking to another women she wanted to move on. She checks on me most days to make sure I'm doing well and I look forward to saying that I'm doing well. We are also making it a point to spend more time together and reconnect.
My query for you is this. Do you believe I was proper in my confession? Did I disclose enough but not too much? My guilt and shame has me second guessing so many things. I think a general idea was enough and don't want harmful inages in her head. I just wanted her to know that my mind was wandering and I need her strength to be better. I know I didn't have an affair and I could never do that. I let selfish desires poison me. I just want to move on. Forgiving myself is difficult. I appreciate your input.
