Hello everyone. I have been in a struggle with self-esteem issues for the past year, and my singleness has been part of my problem. Marriage and family are not my highest priorities in life at the moment, having just started grad school and its not that easy to have a romantic relationship at the moment, but I am jaded about never having success with the ladies. Most of the time when I have asked out women, they were uninterested (maybe in me???) or they got creeped out, as if the entire male race is stupid and dirty. Some I have come close to turning into romance, but of course, failed. For example, The first girl that was serious about me I passed on after 2 years of being friends because at the time (high school) she seemed to lacked maturity, being two years younger than me, and at the time I was about to start college, so I needed to move on. Another big embarrassment came when I met this girl through one of my classes. We struck a close friendship, sharing classes and sweet texts throughout my first two years of college, but then at a later time when I asked her out I found out she had a BF. I have never been able to get over this embarrassment 
I also left my church of two years partly because I was uncomfortable with the largely female congregation, who were touchy and easily offended. Its as if the women just hate me or close their doors to all relationships. Now I constantly fear of saying the wrong thing in front of women and have a hard time making eye contact with girls. I now do my best to stay away from girls mixed groups; they just seem to be something that just can’t be reached with a 10 ft pole. I believe in various misconceptions about women, like they only date and marry men because they HAVE to. I feel pressured to marry being the last person in my family that can pass on my last name. Watching my friends stay in happy relationships in marriage has always been something disgusts me. I constantly feel like I have a hole to fill up, and various sins have resurfaced in my life, like lusting after women on the internet. However, I do feel like I have admirable qualities. I am striving to be my own person to avoid feeling like I need a GF, and people frequently comment on my positive attitude, vulnerability, respectfulness, my numerous attempts to make people feel loved, and generosity with others. I have no problems with communication or making friends, and hold a wide variety of interests, from sports, the great outdoors, to loving God. I have discussed this same topic on several forums, and these feelings have lessened through Christian counseling, but they can’t disappear like magic. How can I find friendships with women without coming on too strong? Is finding love just a fairy tale for me? How can I fill up the hole in my life with God? Since my last potential date ended in failure and most of my close friends graduate and move away did I miss my last dating opportunity?
I also left my church of two years partly because I was uncomfortable with the largely female congregation, who were touchy and easily offended. Its as if the women just hate me or close their doors to all relationships. Now I constantly fear of saying the wrong thing in front of women and have a hard time making eye contact with girls. I now do my best to stay away from girls mixed groups; they just seem to be something that just can’t be reached with a 10 ft pole. I believe in various misconceptions about women, like they only date and marry men because they HAVE to. I feel pressured to marry being the last person in my family that can pass on my last name. Watching my friends stay in happy relationships in marriage has always been something disgusts me. I constantly feel like I have a hole to fill up, and various sins have resurfaced in my life, like lusting after women on the internet. However, I do feel like I have admirable qualities. I am striving to be my own person to avoid feeling like I need a GF, and people frequently comment on my positive attitude, vulnerability, respectfulness, my numerous attempts to make people feel loved, and generosity with others. I have no problems with communication or making friends, and hold a wide variety of interests, from sports, the great outdoors, to loving God. I have discussed this same topic on several forums, and these feelings have lessened through Christian counseling, but they can’t disappear like magic. How can I find friendships with women without coming on too strong? Is finding love just a fairy tale for me? How can I fill up the hole in my life with God? Since my last potential date ended in failure and most of my close friends graduate and move away did I miss my last dating opportunity?
