Dating

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Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

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I will pray that Jesus directs your steps and lets you know whether he is the right man to marry. I would say that what matters is if you love the man and if he is Christian. Hugs.

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

Here's some biblical examples of God directing certain people in the Bible to marry someone...
Chapter 2 of Genesis...God forms woman and espouses her to Adam...who names
her Eve.

Now, turn to the book of Hosea....in Chapter 1 at verse 2 is where God says this to the prophet Hosea: When the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea: “Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry And children of harlotry, For the land has committed great harlotry By departing from the Lord.”

Joseph is engaged to Mary and he finds out that she is pregnant.
Turn to Chapter 1 of Matthew, began reading at verse 19 and read about the angel of the Lord appearing to Joseph.
"Because Joseph her husband, a righteous man, was unwilling to disgrace her publicly, he resolved to divorce her quietly. But after he had pondered these things, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the One conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you shall give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins.”

But as you can see Joseph and Mary were already engaged, the angel of the Lord
assures Joseph that Mary hasn't been unfaithful and he shouldn't be afraid to
marry her.

The Bible gives us good advice on selecting a spouse...like: Philippians 4:6-7,
Matthew 6:33, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Chapter 5 of Ephesians etc.
However, it doesn't directly tell us that God personally tells each believer whom
they should marry...the Bible shows that God does in some cases tell certain people who they should marry.

In other places in the Bible you will find this: Chapter 24 of Genesis, Genesis 25:1, Genesis 38:2, Exodus 2:16-21, Ruth 4:5-10, Chapter 14 of Judges...

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

While it would certainly be a good idea to pray about this situation and to not rush into things, the Bible does not contain the concept that God has a perfect match for everyone, nor does it say anywhere that if we do not pray about who you should marry, then your marriage will fail and you will end up unhappy and divorced. I can' imagine why anyone would think it would be a good idea to plant those sort of doubts in your head or for you to let them grow. In the OT, marriages were arranged and even today arranged marriages are at least as successful as chosen marriages, so the person that you should get married to is the one that you can commit to and be willing to lay down your life for, though chemistry is certainly a bonus.

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

I know those people all mean well, but this matter is not their concern.

You have been dating for 8 months, so I assume you at least like this guy? That is a good start.

He is starting to talk about marriage, which shows his intentions are honourable; that is another good step.

You are not certain, so you are taking some time, I assume, to think about this. That is another very good step; you are both doing so well.

At this point you are listening to those others; that is where you are not doing so well. This is nothing to do with them. Not a thing. They can care about you, and they can even express their opinions, but it is nothing to do with them. They are not the one who might be marrying him; you are. You are the one who has to decide first of all whether this is the right man for you, and second of all whether this is the right time for you to marry. Nobody else can make that decision, NOT EVEN GOD. God gave us free will for a reason; because he wants us to have free will.

God does NOT have to tell you he is the one. If he does, then fantastic. If he doesn't, then find another way to decide; is this person faithful; does he treat people with respect; does he know how to manage money with care; does he treat you the way you want to be treated; does he have plans for your future home; does he help you to become the best version of yourself that you can be? All of these things matter. What some random person at church thinks is irrelevant.

Red flags might be if he treats you with contempt, talks down to you, stops you seeing your friends, insists on reading your phone messages or emails, criticises what you wear or who you see. Look for the red flags now; they matter. If you are unsure, google for more examples.

If you want reassurance then talk to your minister/pastor, but don't expect a thunderbolt with a message from God; that simply isn't how God works. God works in the still, quiet voice inside which, when you ask, 'Is this the one?' replies, 'What do you think?' and lets you answer for yourself.

God is good like that.

Godspurpose07 said:

Thanks for the prayers!!!!

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You are welcome

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

God rarely gives you "direct" guidance to do anything. God gives us the knowledge about right and wrong through the Bible and gives us the brainpower to use wisdom to determine the best course of action. If God has a very specific direction for your life he will tell you in a vision, otherwise you are free to choose what you want as long as it falls within the biblical framework.

In terms of the qualities I look for in a woman:

How does she treat strangers?
How does she respond to conflict?
Does she communicate her wants and feelings to me?
Does she acknowledge when she's upset about something that she's never communicated to me?
Is she committed to personal growth?
Does she have empathy for people?
Is she capable of understanding and discussing philosophical concepts?
Does she trust me?
Does she attend church weekly and adhere to
Is she against murdering babies?
Does she want to MAGA?

I think 8 months is more than enough time IF you are good at reading people's personality and have been careful watching the other person's behavior and interaction with others. If you aren't\haven't then you should learn or find a friend who is really good at it.

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello,
I am 30 years old.
I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

Marriage is a commitment. Once you are married God's word holds "What God has joined let no man separate", ultimately it is your choice, do you want it. I disagree with the fact that you must be told by God, I don't believe there has to be a special God one, and all others are destined to fail. But all that said you should seek God for the answer as to whether to marry the current guy. Ask God to show you so clearly you will not be able to doubt it. So in a sense I am with your parents.

Godspurpose07 said:

Ye

yes I do love him. I love all his imperfections all his defects and my love for him makes me see above all that. And yes I do want to marry him he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with.

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Hang on just a minute; imperfections and defects?

Are we talking leaves wet towels on the floor or are we talking something serious? Love is all very well, but if there are red flags then pay attention to them.

Godspurpose07 said:

Thanks so much for the response it gives me ease. My mom and my aunt who these comments are coming from come from failed marriages. They tell me that if they had been Christians when they married they would have waited on God’s approval first today they would still be married. I love my boyfriend and I want to marry him but that made me nervous not knowing if it was God’s will or how I would know if it was.

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Your mom and aunt are mistaken. Even Christians end up divorced, very often through no fault of their own, and even after lots and lots of prayer. It takes two to make a marriage work, not just one.

You've only been dating for 8 months. At least one divorced person I have known said that looking back, she would have taken the advice that she had received at the time to just continue to date the guy for a couple of years before jumping into marriage, they had only been together for a few months when they married. I'd say give it some more time, it may be easier to hear God after you have given it more time and you are more used to being with this guy.

Godspurpose07 said:

NHello, I am 30 years old. I have been dating a guy from my church for about 8 months now. It has gotten pretty serious and he’s talked about marrying me. My mom and several other people have told me that if I have not prayed for this and God hadn’t directly told me he’s the one I should marry, my marriage will fail and I will end up unhappy and divorced. They say I should wait for God. How do I know if this is the guy I should marry? Does God have to tell me he’s the one in order to have a long lasting marriage?

Click to expand...

Well, to be honest, I have not prayed for many meals but gladly ate and blessed in eating them. God did not directly tell me to eat, or not to eat, but I ate. I put it in these terms because God often blesses us without our asking, or giving us specific directions. Since we cannot hear the audible voice of God, and we can "hear" other voices inside, and the heart is deceitful (Jer 17:9), the only reliable place to hear God is through reading Scripture. It sounds like your mom is concerned, and I think that's the natural response of a parent, but at some point we all have to take chances in life, big steps of faith, but not a blind faith. If you have not already done so, try discovering some of the bad stuff about him, everyone has a dark side, and if you can handle it, decide if you can handle it for the rest of your life when it comes to surface. In all your ways acknowledge God, and He will direct your paths. God be with you.

Lots of good advice. Someone may have said this already (I don't have time to read all the posts) but having God's peace about this is important. From what you said, he sounds like the one! God bless.