It all started when i started googling trying to figure out what the mark of the beast was. I read on the internet that you will know what the mark is, but you'll be decieved into taking it. That scared me because i dont want to get tricked into taking it. I started guessing "maybe it's this, maybe it's that. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], what if it's this?" Or "It could be that." Next thing you know I was worrying about everything because I was afraid of everything. I was stuck in this guessing game feeling like the mark was out there somewhere but I just didn't know what it was yet. I prayed to jesus for me to not get the mark of the beast. Later that night I had a vision or an out of body experience where this bright light came down to me. It was so bright that I had to face away from it. Then it overcame me and this powerful force came with it and this extreme heat. It got hotter and hotter and hotter and hotter then I went through this wall of heatwaves and it got so hot that i worried "Is this hell, is this hell?!!" And then i woke up. It scared the crap out of me that I wondered "What if that set my soul on fire for all eternity? What if my soul is already in hell and my body is just on earth?" It made me not trust jesus because after I prayed to him that was when i had that bright light burning me. It was not a pleasant experience. It was scary and I'm pretty sure God does not want to put us in fear. Someone close to me told me you're not supposed to pray to jesus because jesus is not god. What also confused me is the fact that jesus was a man and it made me think about the mark of the beast being the number of a "man" and prior to my christianity i prayed to god in spirit only. When they added jesus to the equation that causex me to be confused because it made me feel like i was praying to two Gods at once. I know they say God the father, the son and the holy spirit, but it made my mind draw a line between God and Jesus. It made me fel like I was praying to two different God's. I couldn't get this way of thinking out of my mind because when i pray to something or think about something i can only pray and think about it at one time. I ended up losing my mind and was later diagnosed as schizophrenic. Before praying to jesus and worrying about the mark I was not schizophrenic I just had an anxiety pronlem. 2017 came earlier this year I was back to my normal self until the solar eclipse came. I don't know why but the idea of the sun being eclipsed scared the crap out of me, it made me scared that we were all going to be in darkness. This whole religous thing has made me think in black and white. You're either ALL GOOD or ALL BAD. There's no in between, you MUST BE PERFECT AND SINLES FOR GOD! Or you'll go to hell. I feel like my mind is enslaved and I do not feel connected to people anymore and I do not feel like myself anymore. I do not laugh like I used to. I feel no hope or that things will look up for me. I fel like my end is already here and that that happy person who had dreams and goals is deas. It has killed my imagination all i can think about is God and the devil. It has taken my self confidence and I am constantly running to other people to make me feel whole when i used to fel whole on my own. Mty life has went in reverse. It has made me afraid of everything and has killed my dreams. I wanted to be a fashion designer but then a thought comes to me like "the fashion industry is vain, therefore you are against God". I also had dreams of traveling the world, but then a thought comes like "You love the world and you like to see different cultures because you are worldly" so it killed my dream of traveling. I also had dreams of making cartoons but then a thought came like "Television is evil and if you want your cartoons on tv you must sell your soul" so it killed that dream. I also make music but it kiled that dream too because it made me think "You're making music YOU want to hear and not what God wants to hear. You are evil. You are arrogant. You think you are special" it made me fel bad so next thing you know I ended up losing all of my dreams, goals and desires. I dont even know who i am now. Im not that funny goofy person I used to be and to be honest, i was a better person back then than i am today. Now i am even more fearful because i am afraid of things that cannot be proven. I had dreams of getting my own car, house and getting married and having children and traveling the world while doing the things i love. But now after reading things in the bible it has made me more unthankful because i realize that a car is just a car, a house is just a house and that if i want to travel the world will soon end. They told me self confidence and love for self was evil and one day i looked in the mirror and didnt fel good about myselfn it sems as if everything went the complete opposite of what i intended. If i cannot love myself, how can i love God, or others? Don't know what to do. It has destroyed my faith and has taken away the meaning of life to me. I am not living i am just existing and i am only 27 years old. I never used to look at the world as this big scary place, i knew there was evil out thre but i didnt let it affect my whole view of life and myself but now it does.