what are you feeling right now? (24)

chaoticfirefly said:

The belsomra does not work. Took it an hour ago, I am wide awake and close to tears. I wish he'd put me back on the ambien 10 mgs. It's justifiable at this point, and I am gonna need sleep so I stay sane during the holiday season.

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Sorry to hear it didn't work.

Thinking of everyone.

Though sleep has been rather short my mood is good so far today and i'm happy about that. Four of the grandkids are coming over for the weekend, they will arrive early afternoon till Sunday afternoon. We've been looking forward to it for weeks, and so have they, but seeing i was so unstable and down this week we were starting to worry that for me at least their visit might turn out a flop.

When i'm down and ill then it is hard to enjoy all the noise and attention seeking from the young ones - all the things which makes their visit fun normally, is no fun at all when down and out for it all becomes too much, and kids don't understand when to stop and i can't drop and sleep when i need to and so it all quickly becomes too much.

The kids Summer holidays started already - nine of them came around on Wednesday afternoon - i wasn't well at all and had a very hard time finding a place of solace, even though it was fun seeing them all so happy and excited with their new found freedoms. The kids are always disappointed with me when i am like that for i avoid them instead of seek them out.

Lets hope the good mood keeps up. i have been rather volatile lately.

Blessings

Is it bad that I can't remember when I last slept?

.

Feeling thankful i've been sleeping so well the last few weeks and am making 7 hours pluses daily over just two sleeps. Still my mood has been flattish. Strange that is, for usually when i get enough sleep i feel much happier in my moods.

How is everyone else?

Tired. I wish I could sleep.

Not good, have come home from work and for the first time in a while feel really down and just want to die. Sorry if thats triggering it's just how I feel. Stuff I can't change. Hoping will get to sleep and have deep sleep feel different in the morning. Haven't had suicidal thoughts for a long time.

Said a prayer for all of you. You're all alright. Even you. Yes, you.

I slid into a ditch, two nice guys brought me home and my managers were worried about me.

chaoticfirefly said:

I slid into a ditch, two nice guys brought me home and my managers were worried about me.

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Glad you’re ok and that there were people concerned about you and ready to help. Hope there’s no damage to your vehicle.

I'm so-so. Been a little depressed but my doctor doesn't want to up my anti-depressant because she thinks it will make me manic. She says I need to learn to live with my symptoms. She's going to keep me on the meds I'm on but there doesn't seem to be much else she can do for me. I guess I have to just keep going to therapy and hope that keeps helping. I haven't talked to my therapist at my depression in a while, as there has been too much other stuff to talk about. I should bring it up again.

gerbilwoman said:

I'm so-so. Been a little depressed but my doctor doesn't want to up my anti-depressant because she thinks it will make me manic. She says I need to learn to live with my symptoms. She's going to keep me on the meds I'm on but there doesn't seem to be much else she can do for me. I guess I have to just keep going to therapy and hope that keeps helping. I haven't talked to my therapist at my depression in a while, as there has been too much other stuff to talk about. I should bring it up again.

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over the years i have learned to understand that their are many other things that can aid us when we have bi-polar - especially the manic side. if you go manic from anti-depressants then you are very similar to me for i can't have the stuff whatsoever. The doctors were always forced to use mood stabilisers, which kept me down, and anti-psychotics to keep me from spinning out. However all this along with my P.T.S.D symptoms made life hellish on meds alone. Perpetually depressed on meds or manic and running around psychotic when not on meds.

For me there was no other option than to try other medications/supplements to see if i could improve my symptoms to livable instead of dreadful.

i found that Niacin - vitamin B3 - at 2000-3000 mg really helped my manic symptoms and helped quell my psychosis/hallucinations, irritability, restlessness and anxiety. 5-HTP (300 mg with Vitamin B6 and C,) i take instead of anti-depressants and sleeping medication with very good success. i also take daily vitamin D (3000 mg) to aid battling the depression, as well as Zinc, Vitamin B1, B5, B6 and B12 and Magnesium, to help with my P.T.S.D symptoms, and i still take anti-psychotic medication as well.

So please don't let the negativity of your doctor bring you too down sis, there are other options open to you. As i tried to show was the case with me. Bi-polar is a real search, try and see illness. i know another person with bipolar who uses 400 mg of 5-HTP to treat himself and he is doing really well on that medication alone.

To be honest i have never done better than on this regime either. i much prefer 5-HTP over my mood stabiliser works heaps better and doesn't make me depressed but fights the depression and aids with sleep.

Love the stuff however it cannot be used when on SSRI's but has scientifically been proven to be as effective as Prozac. As a matter of fact Prozac drove me nuts but 5-HTP hasn't.

Keep searching sis

Thank you @Jeshu! I do currently take vitamin D as I was told I was low on it, maybe I'll take some more.

His blessings to all!

Thank you for the prayers @Press On.

FoundInGrace said:

Not good, have come home from work and for the first time in a while feel really down and just want to die. Sorry if thats triggering it's just how I feel. Stuff I can't change. Hoping will get to sleep and have deep sleep feel different in the morning. Haven't had suicidal thoughts for a long time.

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i hope you will be feeling better soon. i know i been through such a low just myself it can be very unsettling to have to face that again.

Blessings your way

Press On said:

Glad you’re ok and that there were people concerned about you and ready to help. Hope there’s no damage to your vehicle.

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Thank you! No damage done!

I got really lucky today. And made the mistake in getting in a strangers vehicle, but was lucky they were good and safe people. Like when I'm around someone, I get a sense on whether I can trust someone or not and I felt safe with them.

chaoticfirefly said:

Thank you! No damage done!

I got really lucky today. And made the mistake in getting in a strangers vehicle, but was lucky they were good and safe people. Like when I'm around someone, I get a sense on whether I can trust someone or not and I felt safe with them.

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It’s good that you have that intuition, especially being a woman.

Doing ok most days. Occasional sleep problems (waking in the early morning hours unable to get back to sleep) but get it corrected the next night by increasing my sleep aids a little; either the melatonin, 5-HTP or, if I’m desperate, Tylenol PM.

Just got the house paid off, now the wife needs a new car......it never ends...lol! Her Honda has been pretty trouble free, but has lots of miles on it because she drives so far to work. So, we are debating.

I am finding that I can handle things better and am happier when I take the time before my prayer requests to be thankful, by verbally expressing, all the little and not so little things we take for granted. It brings me out of my selfish mindset. Haven’t been depressed in quite a while. Choosing to have a quiet time instead of giving in to the multitude of things competing for my attention pays off.

Our old man garage band plays on New years Eve and again on Jan 20. Good for both mind and body, helping with memory, dexterity and host of cognitive skills, besides lugging heavy equipment around. Most of us are in our mid 60s. Our bass player looks like Santa Claus, so he’s taking some good natured ribbing right now.

Going into my 4th year of gym membership. I feel very good and am enjoying good health for my age, considering I am a cancer survivor. Been through some bad stuff over the years, but most of my struggles have been with chemical imbalance depression.

Not so Christmassy right now. The temperature is supposed to reach 73 degrees today.

i'm feeling stable the last few days with a little anxiety at times. Still sleeping 7 hours plus ever night so i'm very happy about that. Yvonne is coming home soon and her week off will begin then. looking forward to it, a whole week at home, that is going to be good. On Monday we will have a BBQ lunch so that should be fun, it will be low high 70s or 80s so that is nice as well. Cooler weather predicted for the rest of that week so that works out good.