Worrying about the mark of the beast has ruined my life

It all started when i started googling trying to figure out what the mark of the beast was. I read on the internet that you will know what the mark is, but you'll be decieved into taking it. That scared me because i dont want to get tricked into taking it. I started guessing "maybe it's this, maybe it's that. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], what if it's this?" Or "It could be that." Next thing you know I was worrying about everything because I was afraid of everything. I was stuck in this guessing game feeling like the mark was out there somewhere but I just didn't know what it was yet. I prayed to jesus for me to not get the mark of the beast. Later that night I had a vision or an out of body experience where this bright light came down to me. It was so bright that I had to face away from it. Then it overcame me and this powerful force came with it and this extreme heat. It got hotter and hotter and hotter and hotter then I went through this wall of heatwaves and it got so hot that i worried "Is this hell, is this hell?!!" And then i woke up. It scared the crap out of me that I wondered "What if that set my soul on fire for all eternity? What if my soul is already in hell and my body is just on earth?" It made me not trust jesus because after I prayed to him that was when i had that bright light burning me. It was not a pleasant experience. It was scary and I'm pretty sure God does not want to put us in fear. Someone close to me told me you're not supposed to pray to jesus because jesus is not god. What also confused me is the fact that jesus was a man and it made me think about the mark of the beast being the number of a "man" and prior to my christianity i prayed to god in spirit only. When they added jesus to the equation that causex me to be confused because it made me feel like i was praying to two Gods at once. I know they say God the father, the son and the holy spirit, but it made my mind draw a line between God and Jesus. It made me fel like I was praying to two different God's. I couldn't get this way of thinking out of my mind because when i pray to something or think about something i can only pray and think about it at one time. I ended up losing my mind and was later diagnosed as schizophrenic. Before praying to jesus and worrying about the mark I was not schizophrenic I just had an anxiety pronlem. 2017 came earlier this year I was back to my normal self until the solar eclipse came. I don't know why but the idea of the sun being eclipsed scared the crap out of me, it made me scared that we were all going to be in darkness. This whole religous thing has made me think in black and white. You're either ALL GOOD or ALL BAD. There's no in between, you MUST BE PERFECT AND SINLES FOR GOD! Or you'll go to hell. I feel like my mind is enslaved and I do not feel connected to people anymore and I do not feel like myself anymore. I do not laugh like I used to. I feel no hope or that things will look up for me. I fel like my end is already here and that that happy person who had dreams and goals is deas. It has killed my imagination all i can think about is God and the devil. It has taken my self confidence and I am constantly running to other people to make me feel whole when i used to fel whole on my own. Mty life has went in reverse. It has made me afraid of everything and has killed my dreams. I wanted to be a fashion designer but then a thought comes to me like "the fashion industry is vain, therefore you are against God". I also had dreams of traveling the world, but then a thought comes like "You love the world and you like to see different cultures because you are worldly" so it killed my dream of traveling. I also had dreams of making cartoons but then a thought came like "Television is evil and if you want your cartoons on tv you must sell your soul" so it killed that dream. I also make music but it kiled that dream too because it made me think "You're making music YOU want to hear and not what God wants to hear. You are evil. You are arrogant. You think you are special" it made me fel bad so next thing you know I ended up losing all of my dreams, goals and desires. I dont even know who i am now. Im not that funny goofy person I used to be and to be honest, i was a better person back then than i am today. Now i am even more fearful because i am afraid of things that cannot be proven. I had dreams of getting my own car, house and getting married and having children and traveling the world while doing the things i love. But now after reading things in the bible it has made me more unthankful because i realize that a car is just a car, a house is just a house and that if i want to travel the world will soon end. They told me self confidence and love for self was evil and one day i looked in the mirror and didnt fel good about myselfn it sems as if everything went the complete opposite of what i intended. If i cannot love myself, how can i love God, or others? Don't know what to do. It has destroyed my faith and has taken away the meaning of life to me. I am not living i am just existing and i am only 27 years old. I never used to look at the world as this big scary place, i knew there was evil out thre but i didnt let it affect my whole view of life and myself but now it does.

vinsight4u said:

The false prophet has to be here first. You don't see anyone calling down fire from heaven yet, right? The image of the beast will be required to be worshipped -or kill the refuser. None of these things are here now.

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You know it made me wonder if I was the false prophet because I was predicting things saying that everything was going to be like the purge and that people all over were going to be killing each other. I was scared and that bright light that i seen DID bring down fire from the heavens. It makes me scared that maybe most christians who keep saying "that time has not came yet" really just dont know that the time is already here, but it does not affect them and they dont know about it because they're not afraid of it and their faith and belief in God is stronger than mine. I was scared that this was a parallel world and that everyone is different, but I'm the same. Someone told me that we are still in the old testament and not the new testament. One night I heard a man moaning out in agony in my ear and it scared the crap out of me. I wondered if I was hearing something from another dimension or the gates of hell. I really dont want to go to hell. Someone told me that the mark of the beast has something to do with the sun and that scared me because one day the sun seemed brighter than usual to me and earlier this year during the heatwave it was so hot that it was really burning me up. I tried everything to be a good person and do the right thing and it seems like the exact opposite happened. I lost all my friends, all the guys that used to like me dont even like me anymore because they think im crazy and if they ever decided to have children one day they would think i would be an unfit mother. All of my cousins dont want anything to do with me and they all look down on me.

Tolworth John said:

First of all are you on any medication and are you taking them?
next if you are a Christian, if Jesus is your Lord and saviour, your role is to live for him as best you can.

Jesus has paid for your wrong deeds, your sin so trust in him.
Live has meaning if you are serving him.

Do talk to your minister about your fears.

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Thanks

Tolworth John said:

First of all are you on any medication and are you taking them?
next if you are a Christian, if Jesus is your Lord and saviour, your role is to live for him as best you can.

Jesus has paid for your wrong deeds, your sin so trust in him.
Live has meaning if you are serving him.

Do talk to your minister about your fears.

Click to expand...

Thanks

☦Marius☦ said:

2 Peter 1:20 says : "Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation."

People want to focus on Revelation because it seems exciting. American Christians have spent an enormous amount of effort trying to predict end times prophecies that Christ said only the Father understands. You must let go of trying to understand Revelation.

God sent down Christ so we could be forgiven, so we could restore the image that was lost during the fall. Worrying about the Mark of the Beast, which none even know what that may be yet, will not inspire a sense of forgiveness within you, and therefore must be abandoned.

Honestly from a personal perspective, much of the end times hysteria rings of paganism. Studying stars and trying to focus of dreams is more occultist then Christian. We are to try to remove ourself from such things and such passions.

Lord have mercy.

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How is it occultist? And I did focus on revelations too because it did seem exciting but now i have realized it has ruined me. I was watching this pastor named g craige lewis and he was exposing satanism in the music industry and talking about how we must protect ourselves from it. So i decided that i was gonna protect myself so i ended up looking up satanists on youtube and to see what their goal was so i could protect myself from them and one of tgem said that beauty was considered evil. And i did not know that and it made me feel bad. Is beauty really considered evil? I really shouldnt have looked up those satanists because it really just messed me up. My friend said to me "why would you believe a satanist? You know they worship the father of lies." And she was right, but i was stupid and gullable. I am scared that i was decieved out of having a full life that jesus intended when he said "the enemy comes to destroy, but i come so that they may have life and have it to the full." I am also scared that i have been decieved out of having salvation. People tell me to let it go and stop thinking about it, but if i stop thinking about it then that means that i dont really care anymore and dont fear gods judgment. It seems like the enemy killed my dreams, stole my joy, and destroyed my salvation

vinsight4u said:

Acts 9:36

“Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did.”

Think about what does it goes into detail as to her talent?
She made garments and coats for people.

She had died and was raised up when Peter came and spoke to her. You need to use the gifts you have been given. Google searching as to what the wicked believe or somebody trying to run with prophecy that did not get called by God Almighty to do so is not helpful if you want to live your life for Jesus Christ. What did God tell the Hebrews that came out of Egypt as to taking the land of Canaan with His help? They were not to even try to figure out how the heathen nations worshiped their gods.


Deuteronomy 12:30

“Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise.”

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Thanks for your help. I guess i need to stop leaning to my own understanding. It's just that if I don't try to understand then I will be confused. What about the false prophet where i was prophecying things that werent true? And when i seen the bright light bring down fire from the bright light? The scary part is i knew nothing about the scripture of fire being brought down from the heavens until after i had the out of body experience. I really hope that did not happen to me