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What's it like having BPD?

Angeleyes7715

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I spoke with 2 counselors telling them I think I am BPD. I described my behaviors and they said doesn't sound like BPD.

I have social phobia, am a loner, am an introvert, obsessive behaviors sometimes, and a really hard time controlling emotions. Have bad emotional outbursts and pace and deal with anxiety. However, I seem normal mostly and have been able to get along semi okay in life aside from freaking out on people I'm in relationships with or family members. I also deal with bad depression and mood swings.

They said this sounds like bipolar if anything and that BPD personalities like to be around people. Is this true?
 

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I was going to link you an article, because it's not appropriate for us here on the forums to give specialized advice, especially since you are asking for it to go against what has been told you by professionals.

But it seems the common stuff easily found online has undergone a shift from the way things were understood 20 years ago.

Personality disorders are ... rather specific. And yes, they tend to require being around other people to carry out behaviors associated with them.

If you're consulting two professionals and have no reason to doubt them, I would put their opinion far above what a quick peek shows passes for psychological info online these days.

I'm afraid I can't say more than that.

See if what they suggest helps you. If you don't have a personality disorder but instead a mood disorder, that's comparatively good news.
 
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Angeleyes7715

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If your main issue is mood related and you don't self harm bipolar does make more sense.
I don't cut or anything but I got sent to a mental holding facility for suicide attempts. It was more of a cry for help than really trying though imo.
 
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FireDragon76

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People with borderline personality disorder are emotionally manipulative and they tend to make people around them miserable. They tend to engage in idealization and extremes in thinking about relationships (either people love mer or they hate me). They are very hard to deal with and hard to treat, many do not see themselves as having a problem until they are hospitalized and forced to undergo treatment. So I don't think this is likely.

You should let a psychologist or therapist evaluate you. You'll be much better off than trying to label yourself.

Have you actually ever considered being evaluated for autism? Not all people who have this diagonis are low functioning. Emotional outbursts are not rare for people with autism if they endure too much stress, as is introversion and learned social phobia. Also, people with autism are prone to anxiety and depression. Autism can be diagnosed by a neuropsychologists doing some simple tests.

(I just asked because at one time in my life, when I was younger, I had a kitchen sink full of diagnoses, including bipolar disorder, and I've taken just about every kind of psychiatric drug you can imagine, and being diagnosed with autism clarified them all. It also helped me avoid alot of useless psychiatric treatments that did not work very well.)

You should also evaluate your spiritual life. Some kinds of religion create needless anxiety and depression in people. If you are being spiritually abused, mistreated, or held to unrealistic expectations about your behavior, it makes it difficult to remain mentally healthy.
 
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Angeleyes7715

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People with borderline personality disorder are emotionally manipulative and they tend to make people around them miserable. They tend to engage in idealization and extremes in thinking about relationships (either people love mer or they hate me). They are very hard to deal with and hard to treat, many do not see themselves as having a problem until they are hospitalized and forced to undergo treatment. So I don't think this is likely.

You should let a psychologist or therapist evaluate you. You'll be much better off than trying to label yourself.

Have you actually ever considered being evaluated for autism? Not all people who have this diagonis are low functioning. Emotional outbursts are not rare for people with autism if they endure too much stress, as is introversion and learned social phobia. Also, people with autism are prone to anxiety and depression. Autism can be diagnosed by a neuropsychologists doing some simple tests.

(I just asked because at one time in my life, when I was younger, I had a kitchen sink full of diagnoses, including bipolar disorder, and I've taken just about every kind of psychiatric drug you can imagine, and being diagnosed with autism clarified them all. It also helped me avoid alot of useless psychiatric treatments that did not work very well.)

You should also evaluate your spiritual life. Some kinds of religion create needless anxiety and depression in people. If you are being spiritually abused, mistreated, or held to unrealistic expectations about your behavior, it makes it difficult to remain mentally healthy.

Hm yeah that's what the counselor told me. I didn't want to say what she said cause I felt like I'd offend people here who are BPD. And my mom and my bf thought it was outrageous that I even suggested that I had autism....I mean I do have a biochemistry degree and have had a college reading level since 4th grade.... I'm no genius but I'm reasonably intelligent. I've usually only heard of autism making people mentally impaired... Can it be the other way around?
 
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bhsmte

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If your main issue is mood related and you don't self harm bipolar does make more sense.

A lot of folks with BPD, don't self harm.

There are many "high functioning" folks with BPD, who appear to live normal lives outside the home and reek absolute havoc with people close to them.

Personality disorders impact people in different ways. The core traits one must have are still determined, but some people don't have all 7, they may have 5 and they manifest, in different ways.
 
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Dave-W

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No, some people with autism are very intelligent. It is not an intellectual impairment , it is a social impairment.
But the social impairment is a side effect. ASD people (like my granddaughter) have their brains wired differently and process information in ways most people cannot comprehend. It allows Math savants to be able to do long division instantly in their heads and folk (like my great grandmother) to know the sum of a stack of 6 or 8 digit numbers as fast as they are being written down.

It allows people with Aspergers' to easily discern patterns that others can never find.
 
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Dave-W

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You should also evaluate your spiritual life. Some kinds of religion create needless anxiety and depression in people. If you are being spiritually abused, mistreated, or held to unrealistic expectations about your behavior, it makes it difficult to remain mentally healthy.
Quoted because this bears repeating. So true.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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QUOTE="Angeleyes7715, post: 72017435, member: 383059"]I spoke with 2 counselors telling them I think I am BPD. I described my behaviors and they said doesn't sound like BPD.

I have social phobia, am a loner, am an introvert, obsessive behaviors sometimes, and a really hard time controlling emotions. Have bad emotional outbursts and pace and deal with anxiety. However, I seem normal mostly and have been able to get along semi okay in life aside from freaking out on people I'm in relationships with or family members. I also deal with bad depression and mood swings.

They said this sounds like bipolar if anything and that BPD personalities like to be around people. Is this true?
[/QUOTE
Sometimes true, sometimes not.
What is true is that most people, even 'healthy' people, have several
problems they might not even know about until the problem grows enough to become 'clinical' (I guess that's the right word - anyway meaning measurable by regular standards) ...
One key they usually miss is HOW to find a good health care professional or clinic or practice, that is ABLE and KNOWLEDGEABLE to test for these problems.
Actual real tests instead of ink blots or whatever that are subjective.
Tests that work no matter where they are done, as long as the tester is honest. (not like the old highway scam gas stations where they draw out the oil dipstick and wipe it clean to show you "need" oil , just so they can make a few extra dollars) .
So, with a little bit (or a lot) of due diligence, find these honest testers to find out what is going on in your 'system' (body) , to locate or to rule out toxicities (which everyone has) and deficiencies (which almost everyone has).
This won't solve every problem,
but just like checking the air pressure in the 4 tires, and putting in a clean air filter, your "gas mileage" might go up quite a bit ! :)
This has helped innumerable people for several thousand years, btw.
(God's Instructions to His people include this kind of information)
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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Maybe if someone could explain their experiences with the disease. I guess I was kinda looking for personal experiences.
It is a difficult situation for everyone. Finding an honest doctor took us over seven years, and then it was from doing like you are doing - asking regular people , then finding out of those regular people the people who had already been through what we were going through and had recovered. HALLELUYAH! From then on it was literally a piece of cake ! (even though it still took years of recovery, it was all good ! instead of not knowing, instead of wondering and wandering without knowing)
 
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Angeleyes7715

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Well I looked up something I do that's strange and it popped up as something people with BPD do... So again I'm really wondering. The issue is acting like a baby around my bf. I am 26 and he's 20 and im the one who acts like a child on purpose. Not sure 100% why I do it, but I do it a lot.

I whine to him like a child and fake cry and try to curl up in his lap and kiss all over his face and demand a lot of attention. I tell him no just like my 5 year old niece and act like her in a lot of ways when I'm around him. It's gotten bad where I forget and nearly whine in public when I want my way and want his attention. I feel bad I do and want to act like the mature women I see in relationships, but I still like being babied. I like the security and hugs I get when I whine. It makes me feel loved and important and cute. Is this a bpd/ weird trait?
 
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Well I looked up something I do that's strange and it popped up as something people with BPD do... So again I'm really wondering. The issue is acting like a baby around my bf. I am 26 and he's 20 and im the one who acts like a child on purpose. Not sure 100% why I do it, but I do it a lot.

I whine to him like a child and fake cry and try to curl up in his lap and kiss all over his face and demand a lot of attention. I tell him no just like my 5 year old niece and act like her in a lot of ways when I'm around him. It's gotten bad where I forget and nearly whine in public when I want my way and want his attention. I feel bad I do and want to act like the mature women I see in relationships, but I still like being babied. I like the security and hugs I get when I whine. It makes me feel loved and important and cute. Is this a bpd/ weird trait?
Sometimes people miss out on certain needs in their lives, and sometimes they act out in ways that try to manipulate others into fulfilling these needs for them.

It's not really a healthy dynamic. It amounts to using the other person. But it is very common. We are all broken in various ways.

Ideally we seek to be healed and become whole, and then we are freed from these needs and able to love others in a mature sense - not by acting like an adult, but by truly loving another by putting their needs and well-being above our own, and having their best good as our goal. The advantage to this kind of love is being able to remain faithful. If we love someone only because they meet our needs, then if they no longer do so (our needs change, they become unwilling, or unable, etc.) ... then suddenly we find our "love" has vanished. The relationship has nothing to sustain it.

But if both persons actively choose to love the other one, seeking what is best for them, then even in periods of trial the love (even actions of love) will continue. In this way we can love as God loves, and that endures. This is the ideal, and many, many people are unable to do this. But it should be our goal, and we should actively pursue healing so that we can experience this.
 
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turkle

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Well I looked up something I do that's strange and it popped up as something people with BPD do... So again I'm really wondering. The issue is acting like a baby around my bf. I am 26 and he's 20 and im the one who acts like a child on purpose. Not sure 100% why I do it, but I do it a lot.

I whine to him like a child and fake cry and try to curl up in his lap and kiss all over his face and demand a lot of attention. I tell him no just like my 5 year old niece and act like her in a lot of ways when I'm around him. It's gotten bad where I forget and nearly whine in public when I want my way and want his attention. I feel bad I do and want to act like the mature women I see in relationships, but I still like being babied. I like the security and hugs I get when I whine. It makes me feel loved and important and cute. Is this a bpd/ weird trait?
It's very common for people who behave badly in relationships to want to tag it on some sort of disorder. It takes the responsibility off of them to change that behavior, and places it on something that they can blame as out of their control. You have had two professionals tell you that you do not have a disorder. A mental disorder and lack of maturity are not the same thing.

I know a woman who does this. She has been to numerous psychologists and psychiatrists trying to get a diagnosis for a mental disorder. Any disorder will do. She refuses to acknowledge the fact that people don't like her because she is manipulative. She wants to blame it on something else, anything else so that she doesn't have to own up to the fact that she's really unpleasant to be around. Lately, she's been telling everyone she has Asperger Syndrome, even though anyone who knows anything about the disorder knows she's lying. She just doesn't want to take the responsibility to change.

You say you don't know why you do it, and then explain exactly why you do it. "It makes me feel loved and important and cute." This is the manipulative behavior of a child, and most children mature out of it by around age 8. My guess is that you perceive that you've had some success with this behavior and that it is the best way to get attention. Therefore you have continued it well beyond childhood.

I know a another woman who does this. She is in her 40s, and I have watched her exhibit this behavior every time she dates someone. She is very attractive, so it's easy for her to get a first date, but she rarely has more than 2 dates with the same man. When she behaves like this, they are out. They can't stand the attention seeking and whining. That's a perfectly normal and healthy response. There are very few people, especially emotionally healthy people, who can tolerate this kind of attention getting self centered behavior. It's sad, because she is very lonely and just doesn't understand why men don't like her, even though she has been told many times. Nobody wants to be around a whiner. Sadly, she just doesn't get it. I have a feeling she'll continue to be lonely for many years to come unless she makes some changes.

Listen to the posters above who said that mature love is not about taking, as attention seeking behavior is. It is about giving, and lifting up the other person. Whining is always about taking. To have a mature relationship, each person's focus should be on the edification of the other. It is about service, not demanding our own way. You really, really need to learn this if you hope to have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship that lasts.

Your model is Jesus. He was self sacrificing and gave of himself constantly. He didn't whine or demand attention. He served. He tells us that we are to do the same. When you choose to behave like a grown woman instead of a child, I think you will find that all your relationships change for the better.
 
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Celticroots

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A lot of folks with BPD, don't self harm.

There are many "high functioning" folks with BPD, who appear to live normal lives outside the home and reek absolute havoc with people close to them.

Personality disorders impact people in different ways. The core traits one must have are still determined, but some people don't have all 7, they may have 5 and they manifest, in different ways.

True. And not all people who self-harm have BPD.
 
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