Feel Abandoned and Not Loved By God Anymore

Hello I am new to this forum. Over 10 years ago I made a mistake at work because I was young and stupid. I lost my job over this and things have gone down hill since. I tried to get a job and doors slammed in my face over and over again. At first it was my advanced degree then finally I got a job setting up a school with the promise that if the school became a reality I would have a fulltime job. Well, the school opened and I was given a job that I loved. I was the Curriculum Coordinator. I worked hard to write the schools curriculum and get it approved by the state. A few weeks in I was demoted to teacher's assistant. I was still required to do the job of a curriculum coordinator at half the pay. On the day they got word my curriculum had been approved I was let go half and hour later. I felt God did not love me and that I was nothing more than a court jester for him to laugh at. It took me a long time to get over that feeling. I kept trying to get a job. I went to Career Link for help and went back to school. I worked so hard to not only graduate but to graduate with honors. I was treated very poorly by many at the college because I was an adult who was very involved with the college. I brought my parents to events which made some of them treat me even worse than before. The events were open to family members of students. At one event I was put behind a pole with my mother with at least 50 empty seats between us and the rest of the college students and their families. I finally did it. When graduation came I was not given my leadership pin although I was president of two clubs by this same woman who though I did not belong. I was told I could not have a cord because my degree was a certificate. But one of my professors recommended me for the IMA Honor Society and I was accepted. Therefore, I was able to wear an honor cord from the IMA to graduation. I graduated with a 3.93. Even when I was in college I went to almost all of the networking events. I was the only college student there but I went and I networked. Then I graduated. I applied for jobs. My dream job is to work for the government in fraud but I was willing to accept any accounting job. I took the civil service test. I applied to government jobs and private sector jobs. I had three interviews with the department of Revenue. The last one was in October. Yesterday, I got my third rejection letter form the Department of Revenue. The job was given to someone else again. I have not been granted any interviews outside of the government. I graduated in May of 2016 and still no job. I am told God has a plan for me. My mother says maybe God's plan is for you to teach well I hated teaching. I did apply for many teaching jobs after I lost my teaching job but due to my master's degree I could not get anything until the curriculum coordinator job and I already told you how that turned out. I am told time and time again that how people get their jobs now is who you know well NO ONE will help me. I was even promised by one person that they would get me into the airport. The asked me if I was willing to do a audit job and a cashier job. I said yes. Then NOTHING. They DID NOT help me. I once again believe that God does not love me. I believe I am a court jester here for his amusement. My mother says my heart is black because I want nothing to do with my brother. I am kind to him and courteous but after my parents are no longer here. I want nothing to do with him. He has treated me terribly my entire life. My I was 14 he put a knife to my throat and threatened me. This is just one of many things. I do not hate him I just want nothing to do with him. So no I do not have a black heart. My priest says you do not have to keep getting hurt by someone. You just have to not hate them which is where I am. I am even giving my parents two tickets I won because she wants to bring them to this place and I have 5 tickets. So Her and his wife have been invited to go with us to a hockey game and the Turkey Hill Experience in January. Now if I hated him as my mother claims I wouldn't give up two of my tickets to the Turkey Hill Experience for him. My mother says I am doing something wrong and that is why I am not getting a job. I had the best interview of my life in October and no job. That is why I am positive God does not Love me and hew is just laughing at me. Thank you for listening.