Hey there! You have definitely come to the right place. And my first two posts on CF have been much longer than this so don't worry! I have not read your older posts regarding your intrusive thoughts, but I want to encourage you by telling you that you'll be prayed for and you are not alone. I don't have OCD but I definitely have struggled with similar symptoms/thoughts throughout the last year, especially because I went through a lot of transitions after graduating college, and I was in vain searching for help in a toxic church community, and from people who just didn't seem to care. I did not stop loving Jesus, but I did grow cold for awhile to anything involving him, church, prayer, you name it. On top of this I received false teaching; for awhile I just believed that Jesus forgot about me because I just sinned too much. I still struggle with crippling anxiety remnant from my recent struggles, but after seeking out my best friend and a Christian counselor, who pointed me back to Him at the perfect time (when I got booted out of my summer job), God gave me freedom I now experience daily through some verses I hope can bring comfort to you now.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ~ Romans 8:26
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No - I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ~ Romans 8:35-38 NLT
For it is by grace you have been saved, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Our God is a loving father. Because of His love, demonstrated through the cross, He understands your worries even before you speak a word. Since you long to know the character of God and love Him, you were saved the minute you called His name, and there's no sin, misspoken prayer, or anxious thought that can change your secured status in His presence. His arms will always be around you. Love your username by the way, when it doubt, just type it into your log in! Welcome back to CF. God bless you!