i dont know what is going on or where god is

Mari17 · Nov 14, 2017

knw1991 said:
i just cannot hope in God. its been bad for too long. i know im not the only one suffering in this world. but all i know is what i personally experience i cant speak for aynone else. all of it is getting to me, i shared my "family" issues with Far Side of the Moon, so she knows how they treated me in addition to the potential ocd doubts. Mari you are right i have to decide to trust God bindly, though hes never given a cent about me. i give up. its not worth it. i just want to disappear. i hate all those who hurt me in the midst of this. i want a new family, a new healthy father. i wish i can travel back in time and tell myself not to seek anything spiritual, to stay far away from God, to not even think of being saved. it wasnt worth it. i should have never prayed that very first prayer to be saved. it was the biggest mistake of my life and im paying for it. im suffering because at 19, i wanted to turn to God. so im SUFFERING for it, because i never had OCD, scrupulosity, or whatever i have, before i prayed and asked for the stupdest thing ever. i want my life back. though God is not there, i want him out of my thoughts, out of my memories, and out of my heart. .i cant do this anymore. i give up. thank you all for trying to help, but if i can help it i will not come back to the forums. it has nothing todo with you all, you have been very kind and supportive. but i see no hope, ther eis no hope, the character of God described in the bible is completely opposite of whats in mylife. God watched me attempt to take my life, he watched them call me crazy, tell me im nasty and selfish when im depressed.

im done. i wish you all the best. you are great people and i hope you continue to grow and achieve victory over all your struggles.

Looks like we were typing at the same time.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't pretend that I understand all you've been through, but it sounds like you've had a really hard time. I don't think that walking away from God is a wise choice - I think you will always regret it. Because I do know one thing for sure...if you're struggling with OCD and/or depression, there IS hope, and there IS a way to feel better. If you're struggling with obsessive doubt, it's not because of God, it's because your brain is not able to process thoughts as well as other people's (and I can say that because I suffer from it as well). If you're ever feeling suicidal, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text (anything) to 741741 to be connected to the Crisis Text Line. Giving up is definitely an option. It's the easy way out. But there can be freedom and joy ahead of you, if you choose to fight for it. You will continue to be in my prayers. <3

knw1991 · Nov 15, 2017

Mari17 said:
Looks like we were typing at the same time. I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't pretend that I understand all you've been through, but it sounds like you've had a really hard time. I don't think that walking away from God is a wise choice - I think you will always regret it. Because I do know one thing for sure...if you're struggling with OCD and/or depression, there IS hope, and there IS a way to feel better. If you're struggling with obsessive doubt, it's not because of God, it's because your brain is not able to process thoughts as well as other people's (and I can say that because I suffer from it as well). If you're ever feeling suicidal, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text (anything) to 741741 to be connected to the Crisis Text Line. Giving up is definitely an option. It's the easy way out. But there can be freedom and joy ahead of you, if you choose to fight for it. You will continue to be in my prayers. <3

Thank you, I really appreciate your post. I just don't know how to find the motivation to fight. I'm numb at this point and I guess j feel like it's not worth it anymore because I'm just tired of suffering with this, coming to God and failing and repeating the cycle. On top of the continual doubts, what hurts is how God doesn't care about how much I've struggled and how low I've became through this, to the point that my life was in jeopardy

knw1991 · Nov 15, 2017

So I just feel like if God doesn't care why should I, even fight for a meaningless faith that has never succeeded in the past

Mari17 · Nov 15, 2017

knw1991 said:
Thank you, I really appreciate your post. I just don't know how to find the motivation to fight. I'm numb at this point and I guess j feel like it's not worth it anymore because I'm just tired of suffering with this, coming to God and failing and repeating the cycle. On top of the continual doubts, what hurts is how God doesn't care about how much I've struggled and how low I've became through this, to the point that my life was in jeopardy

Responded via pm

knw1991 · Nov 16, 2017

I want to move on but I don't know how to. I don't want to try faith anymore I just want to walk away. I'm sure no one would advise me how to do so, but I just want to walk away

gloriousday2006 · Nov 16, 2017

knw1991 said:
I want to move on but I don't know how to. I don't want to try faith anymore I just want to walk away. I'm sure no one would advise me how to do so, but I just want to walk away

Turn towards the Lord. Never give up. There is ALWAYS hope in the Lord. He loved us so much he came down from heaven and died for us. Never give up.

Get in a good church. Fellowship with other believers. Read the WORD. We need the WORD like we need water and food. Everyday we need time with God.

Jesus is the way, the ONLY way. He died eternal life to bring and lives that death may die.

I know how bad our minds can get. You have not thought too far. Be like the persistent widow who kept coming forth with her requests. Our prayers are not always answered immediately, but God is sovereign and working even when we cannot see it.

I urge you to turn everything over to the Lord and press forward. Try reading the Psalms, David went through so many emotions. Faith is believing things not seen.

You can get through all things with God. I am praying for you.

John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life.No one comes to the Father except through me.

knw1991 · Nov 16, 2017

Thank you glorious day, I just know my heart wants to walk away from this there is no fight left in me, I don't know what will change my heart, I just am not convinced that God loves or cares, that makes it harder or seem pointless to fight for someone you don't think even cares for you,

gloriousday2006 · Nov 16, 2017

Below is the TRUTH. It is better than ANYTHING I could ever say. For we walk by FAITH, not by sight. We can't live by what we feel, but by the TRUTH.

Turn to God, stay in the word, and fellowship with believers. We are not meant to journey alone. Go all in with God you will never regret it. Praying for you my friend.

Matthew 10: 30-31
But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. "So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Luke 15:20
So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

Isaiah 49:15
Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.

Psalm 103: 13-14
Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.

Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

lamb7 · Nov 17, 2017

knw1991 said:
i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME

Sounds like OCD to me, I have struggles like this too you are not alone! Trust me as a living witness it WILL GET BETTER. I had no hope too! Try reading eternal security verses, many like to deny eternal security but don't let them have you doubt! I have been led astray and shipwrecked my faith by certain teachings from certain denominations, but don't let them cause you doubt! There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, and there is no fear in perfect love, we are to have a sound mind, (I know we all don't esp me LOL)

PS we will continue to sin after we are saved we still wear the corrupt flesh but the Spirit that we have within does not sin. Paul struggled with sin and even said: "

Romans 7:15-20New International Version (NIV)
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.a]">[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

DO not beat yourself up. Christ did all the work, he fulfilled the law, perfect lamb without blemish, our sin sacrifice for all who believe in Him.

If you ever want to chat message me.

knw1991 · Nov 17, 2017

lamb7 said:
Sounds like OCD to me, I have struggles like this too you are not alone! Trust me as a living witness it WILL GET BETTER. I had no hope too! Try reading eternal security verses, many like to deny eternal security but don't let them have you doubt! I have been led astray and shipwrecked my faith by certain teachings from certain denominations, but don't let them cause you doubt! There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, and there is no fear in perfect love, we are to have a sound mind, (I know we all don't esp me LOL)

PS we will continue to sin after we are saved we still wear the corrupt flesh but the Spirit that we have within does not sin. Paul struggled with sin and even said: "

Romans 7:15-20New International Version (NIV)
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.a]">[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

DO not beat yourself up. Christ did all the work, he fulfilled the law, perfect lamb without blemish, our sin sacrifice for all who believe in Him.

If you ever want to chat message me.

Thankk you lamb7 and glorious day fr your posts and the verses. At least I know I'm not alone. I really thought I was. I'm trying to find a christian counselor who can help me sort through all of this and move forward
Thank you for your prayers

gloriousday2006 · Nov 17, 2017

knw1991 said:
Thankk you lamb7 and glorious day fr your posts and the verses. At least I know I'm not alone. I really thought I was. I'm trying to find a christian counselor who can help me sort through all of this and move forward
Thank you for your prayers

I am so glad you are looking fir a Christian counselor! You are in my prayers. Keep seeking the Lord. You can do all things through Christ. You are in my prayers.

knw1991 · Nov 17, 2017

gloriousday2006 said:
I am so glad you are looking fir a Christian counselor! You are in my prayers. Keep seeking the Lord. You can do all things through Christ. You are in my prayers.

What do you do when you no longer want to talk to God? I don't think God hears or wants to hear my prayers. I don't wanto pray. I've lost faith In God. Hebrews says that whoever comes to God must believe that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. I don't know what to pray and also I know my attitude is not humble so why even pray of your angry and faithless?

Mari17 · Nov 17, 2017

knw1991 said:
What do you do when you no longer want to talk to God? I don't think God hears or wants to hear my prayers. I don't wanto pray. I've lost faith In God. Hebrews says that whoever comes to God must believe that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. I don't know what to pray and also I know my attitude is not humble so why even pray of your angry and faithless?

Because God wants you. He wants you to come to Him so badly that He'll take you as you're feeling right now. He wants to love you to smithereens and heal your hurt, and restore your faith in Him. He doesn't want a pretend you, He wants the real you. I know you don't believe that right now. So just give God whatever you have. Talk to Him, even if all you have to tell Him is that you don't feel faith and you're angry at Him. (Not disrespectfully of course, just openly and honestly.) Tell Him you don't know what to do. Tell Him all the stuff you're telling us. And ask Him to show you what to do about it.

I'll talk more in a pm, just wanted to address this question.

knw1991 · Nov 19, 2017

Thank you all for trying to help but I decided to give up and just walk away. There no explanation for anything, and crying out to God being honest andpourng out your heart doesn't help out or get him to help. In order to heal I must walk away

Celticroots · Nov 20, 2017

OP, have you been professionally diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist or psychologist?

What will walking away do? God doesn’t turn away those who want to come to Him. I ask because I was in the exact same spot as you are now- doubting my salvation. I asked God to save me I don’t know how many times and broke down in tears on more than one occasion. I felt like I want wanted even though I wanted to be saved.

I stopped crying out to God because I saw no point. But it was then that He found me and answered my prayer. My doubts aren’t completely gone but they’re less severe and frequent.

I think He can do the same with you. However I think you would benefit the most from talking to a therapist about your issues.

knw1991 · Nov 20, 2017

No I haven't been professionally diagnosed. I'm glad God answered you. But I don't think he will answer me. In fact I know he won't

knw1991 · Nov 25, 2017

I'm just wondering why should I expect good things from God, why should I pray and think he even bothers to listen, why should I cry out to him, why should I even talk to God about the suffering in the world and tell him that I don't understand and it cuases me to question his character? Why should I do that and think God sympathizes with me in any thing when he is the same God tht allows so much evill? I just read about Adam Walsh and Jimmy Ryce, and I will just tell anyone to use caution before they read about what happened to them. If God could allow that, and leave the parents, the family to bear such unbearable, unspeakable pain, why do I even hope in God, why do I even pray and cry to God as if he would care? Why should I even think for a second that God is with me in my own pain, though it could never compare to what these parents have suffered? Why should I even pray for children when God never promised to protect them?
Please with all due respect do not tell me about how Jesus suffered and how nobody else went through that. Don't dismiss others pain and what those two boys went through. I'm not trying to start a debate. I'm just venting and was wondering how can or why would I even expect good from God when there's so much suffering all around me

knw1991 · Nov 25, 2017

People say that there's hope but is there really?

JesusIsLord_ · Nov 25, 2017

knw1991 said:
People say that there's hope but is there really?

Yes, there is. I am much much much much better than i was.

Justin1234 · Dec 4, 2017

I can feel your pain. I am so sorry that you hurt. You can pm anytime! I will listen! No worries I won't give you a crazy amount of advice. I hope you know that you are not alone and it is not hopeless!

i dont know what is going on or where god is

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