I need help!

Anthonyadrianbell · Nov 9, 2017

Hey my name is Anthony Bell. I'm 20 years old and I'm a Realtor. I've been saved since 8th grade. I purposely searched for Christian forums because I don't really have anyone to talk to about a certain struggle I have on my Christian journey.

I'm glad this is here! So I really need some other perspectives and guidance because I'm not sure what God is telling me. I'll get right to it.

I don't like people and I Know I can't grow God's kingdom with this mindset.

Ever since I was a child I had trouble making friends. I loved people and I loved talking to people, even random ones. Looking back, I realize I was probably a little annoying. In high school I real focused on toning it down. I ended up making so many friends and then lost every single one of them by senior year. I had a girlfriend of 4 years that left me legitimately for no reason last month. Long story.

I could write pages on why I don't like people anymore. But to be short I can't make friends, make connections, and people just don't talk to me for long. I'm a realtor, so I talk to people daily and I know how to talk to people just fine, but outside of that there's nothing. People don't give me their time of day. So subconsciously I've stopped trying. Ive stopped caring, and I no longer care about other people, their feelings, their problems, etc because I've done that so much and people just shut me out left and right when I try to help or befriend them. I only care for my mother, father, sisters, nephew and my 2 best friends that are away in college.

I know for a fact though, that I can't grow God's kingdom by being like this. Besides praying, how do I grow my love back for people?

mnorian · Nov 9, 2017

Mod hat on

Thread has been moved from
Introduce Yourself
to
Christian Advice
for a better fit and responses.
Carry on.

rockytopva · Nov 9, 2017

Welcome... Friend!

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod · Nov 9, 2017

Hi Anthony! I was trying to communicate through Christian Advice, just now. I am not sure whether to communicate through this forum or Christian Advice.

Dave G. · Nov 9, 2017

This is the prayer that has helped me immeasurably in that regard. I now even love or at least willingly tolerate things I used to not like about people. So: Holy Spirit let me see that person ( you supply the individual) through your eyes, not my eyes. I want to see them as you see them.

That simple. I can't describe how effective this has been for me. Little by little the old way of seeing leaves and the new comes in. It must be an earnest prayer from the heart. The best thing is you don't work at anything, He does it all, you just start seeing differently, or least I do. You will willingly respond accordingly as new feelings and realizations come over you.

mnorian · Nov 9, 2017

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod said:
Hi Anthony! I was trying to communicate through Christian Advice, just now. I am not sure whether to communicate through this forum or Christian Advice.

Sorry; was slow on the move; but the moving Van broke down.

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod · Nov 9, 2017

Hi Anthony, I much older than you, but can relate over periods of my life. I didn't help that I came from an abusive childhood. You didn't, so I will rule that out of my advice. I will also rule out that each and every one of us can always stand to grow spiritually as Christians.

I have been doing some research into my personality type, recently. I am very, very, sure that I am an INFJ. You will need to do your own research on that, won't elaborate much here. To make a long story short, I needed to find settings that I thrive in. I do go to church, but do not always attending events there with large amounts of people. Meaning, very large dinners in the fellowship hall. I really can't deal with these large events! I kept trying... but it is too draining. I have just learned to accept this about myself.

I go on Sundays, enjoy music and shaking hands with others. I sometimes attend small group Bible studies or small group breakfasts with fellow Christians from church. I have found two friends within my church that are a good fit for me. One, goes to places with me. The other, I encouraged her to start a quilting guild in which I will help her make quilt tops. We will invite others to knot these and give to charity.

Sometimes, I feel like a real odd-ball because of my INFJ..ness. With Christ's help, I am finding a way! I am praying you do too!

RaymondG · Nov 9, 2017

A first step would be to realize the reality and consequences of your feelings:

"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"

One cant really say they are saved from anything if they dislike people....they are just walking in darkest, therefore blinded and the truth hidden from them.:

"But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes."

So the question is, do we want to find the light, or just continue to believe that we are already in it?

GTW27 · Nov 9, 2017

Anthonyadrianbell said:
Hey my name is Anthony Bell. I'm 20 years old and I'm a Realtor. I've been saved since 8th grade. I purposely searched for Christian forums because I don't really have anyone to talk to about a certain struggle I have on my Christian journey.

I'm glad this is here! So I really need some other perspectives and guidance because I'm not sure what God is telling me. I'll get right to it.

I don't like people and I Know I can't grow God's kingdom with this mindset.

Ever since I was a child I had trouble making friends. I loved people and I loved talking to people, even random ones. Looking back, I realize I was probably a little annoying. In high school I real focused on toning it down. I ended up making so many friends and then lost every single one of them by senior year. I had a girlfriend of 4 years that left me legitimately for no reason last month. Long story.

I could write pages on why I don't like people anymore. But to be short I can't make friends, make connections, and people just don't talk to me for long. I'm a realtor, so I talk to people daily and I know how to talk to people just fine, but outside of that there's nothing. People don't give me their time of day. So subconsciously I've stopped trying. Ive stopped caring, and I no longer care about other people, their feelings, their problems, etc because I've done that so much and people just shut me out left and right when I try to help or befriend them. I only care for my mother, father, sisters, nephew and my 2 best friends that are away in college.

I know for a fact though, that I can't grow God's kingdom by being like this. Besides praying, how do I grow my love back for people?

Blessings in Christ Jesus. It is Him in us that loves. This is the key. When we abide in Him, He abides in us. When we deny ourselves, He increases in us. And when He increases in us, we can not help but love our neighbors. If we do not love our brothers in our heart, we fool ourselves, because we our not in The Light, but we are still walking in darkness.

Anthonyadrianbell · Nov 9, 2017

RaymondG said:
A first step would be to realize the reality and consequences of your feelings:

"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"

One cant really say they are saved from anything if they dislike people....they are just walking in darkest, therefore blinded and the truth hidden from them.:

"But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes."

So the question is, do we want to find the light, or just continue to believe that we are already in it?

Wow what a slap to the face! You're right. See this is a recent thing. I absolutely want to find the light. I never want to deceive myself. If the truth hurts, it hurts. But if rather know the truth. I want my fire back. I want the light back! I do recognize these consequences which is why I really want to resolve this.

RaymondG · Nov 9, 2017

Anthonyadrianbell said:
Wow what a slap to the face! You're right. See this is a recent thing. I absolutely want to find the light. I never want to deceive myself. If the truth hurts, it hurts. But if rather know the truth. I want my fire back. I want the light back! I do recognize these consequences which is why I really want to resolve this.

I say you are on the right track. Continue to seek, and you shall find.....

"For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod · Nov 9, 2017

I noticed too, in the past, that if I had a job where I had to talk to a lot of people all day, I would need to be an (introvert) at night to recover. I am not saying real estate is not right for you. It may or may not be.

Also being an INFJ, I used to send extroverted feeling out to almost every blessed person on this planet. Somehow, thought this was the way to make friends! It sounds like you might have done the same thing, in the past, and are tired of giving to non-reciprocal relationships.

Think carefully, first, before making a friend. Do not pick self-focused people. Also, be careful not to pick toxic people. Friendships are to be RECIPROCAL. If they are not, let those relationship end through not giving attention to them. If you pick an extrovert for a friend, make sure they know that you need down time for hobbies etc. If you pick an introvert for a friend, make sure they have a good sense of self, not draining you, reciprocal. I will be praying for you. :wave:

joshcorn · Nov 9, 2017

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod said:
Hi Anthony, I much older than you, but can relate over periods of my life. I didn't help that I came from an abusive childhood. You didn't, so I will rule that out of my advice. I will also rule out that each and every one of us can always stand to grow spiritually as Christians.

I have been doing some research into my personality type, recently. I am very, very, sure that I am an INFJ. You will need to do your own research on that, won't elaborate much here. To make a long story short, I needed to find settings that I thrive in. I do go to church, but do not always attending events there with large amounts of people. Meaning, very large dinners in the fellowship hall. I really can't deal with these large events! I kept trying... but it is too draining. I have just learned to accept this about myself.

I go on Sundays, enjoy music and shaking hands with others. I sometimes attend small group Bible studies or small group breakfasts with fellow Christians from church. I have found two friends within my church that are a good fit for me. One, goes to places with. Other, I encouraged her to start a quilting guild in which I will help her.

Hello and welcome

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod · Nov 9, 2017

joshcorn said:
Hello and welcome

Hello and welcome to joshcorn and Anthony Bell.

Joshcorn, love that picture. I gave a picture to a woman friend of mine, a long time ago, that was identical. She moved to Canada, with her husband, soon afterwards. Wow!

Anthonyadrianbell · Nov 9, 2017

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod said:
I noticed too, in the past, that if I had a job where I had to talk to a lot of people all day, I would need to be an (introvert) at night to recover. I am not saying real estate is not right for you. It may or may not be.

Also being an INFJ, I used to send extroverted feeling out to almost every blessed person on this planet. Somehow, thought this was the way to make friends! It sounds like you might have done the same thing, in the past, and are tired of giving to non-reciprocal relationships.

Think carefully, first, before making a friend. Do not pick self-focused people. Also, be careful not to pick toxic people. Friendships are to be RECIPROCAL. If they are not, let those relationship end through not giving attention to them. If you pick an extrovert for a friend, make sure they know that you need down time for hobbies etc. If you pick an introvert for a friend, make sure they have a good sense of self, not draining you, reciprocal. I will be praying for you.

I'm only a realtor so that I can become an investor in real estate. I love my job but certainly couldn't do this forever! Thank you for your advice though. Everyone here is so kind.

Sadie316 · Nov 9, 2017

My suggestion would be to focus on your relationship with God first. Others are VERY important, don't get me wrong. I came to a place in my life where I met new people every day and grew almost tired and weary of listening to them. It seemed I did so much for others and didn't have time for me. Even at home, with family, I was always sooo busy. I was throwing a pity party of sorts, why don't they care about me? What about how I feel? When I began to make time for God (and this wasn't easy), Bible study, prayer that wasn't just because I was eating dinner or going to bed, listening to Christian music, that I began to feel a breakthrough. I had come to a point before where I felt like I had nothing left inside me, that I didn't cry or really care when someone told me their own sad story. It wasn't until I realized how much God cared for me, what he did and that he would always be there, and he was all I needed, that I began to see things differently. I had to fill myself with God before I could fill others. And then I had to address sin in my life because it was a hindrance to accepting God fully. I couldn't progress without taking that next step. I won't say that I'm perfect and that I am immune to sin, but praise God each day I make the decision to live for him and not me. It is only now that I am beginning to see the pain in the world and others, and that what they need isn't as much something I can give them, but what God can give them, and maybe, sometimes, he will use me to help them.

Prayers for you in fellowship and receiving a heart for people through God.

Sarah G · Nov 9, 2017

HandstoWorkHeartstoGod said:
Hi Anthony, I much older than you, but can relate over periods of my life. I didn't help that I came from an abusive childhood. You didn't, so I will rule that out of my advice. I will also rule out that each and every one of us can always stand to grow spiritually as Christians.

I have been doing some research into my personality type, recently. I am very, very, sure that I am an INFJ. You will need to do your own research on that, won't elaborate much here. To make a long story short, I needed to find settings that I thrive in. I do go to church, but do not always attending events there with large amounts of people. Meaning, very large dinners in the fellowship hall. I really can't deal with these large events! I kept trying... but it is too draining. I have just learned to accept this about myself.

I go on Sundays, enjoy music and shaking hands with others. I sometimes attend small group Bible studies or small group breakfasts with fellow Christians from church. I have found two friends within my church that are a good fit for me. One, goes to places with me. The other, I encouraged her to start a quilting guild in which I will help her make quilt tops. We will invite others to knot these and give to charity.

Sometimes, I feel like a real odd-ball because of my INFJ..ness. With Christ's help, I am finding a way! I am praying you do too!

I can relate to a lot of your post because I am ISFJ. I am glad of the reminder about personality types as I am looking for voluntary work and it is best to find something that fits with my ISFJness.

I need help!

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