When does fantasizing go too far?

GraceDaily · Oct 21, 2017

Sorry for the long post but I feel I need to vent and get a few things out. If anyone can offer any wisdom or similar experiences it would be gratefully received.

I've woken up today feeling like I need to quit fantasising about relationships in my life. I have done it since I was a teenager. I am a loner, I'm lucky enough to now live with some good friends as of a few months ago which has improved things somewhat, but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there. Sometimes family or friends or a crush, sometimes no one in particular. It's the way I let out feelings and thoughts and things that make me laugh because I can't do it in real life. So it's a way I've coped I suppose through my lonely adult life.

For a very long time the fantasizing didn't involve me, i.e I imagined myself as someone else, someone better looking, more likeable etc. which then I didn't feel was a problem. But recently I have started imagining myself with this guy I like.
In a way it has helped: I find it very hard to see myself with someone because I never have been or even really had any close friendships. Imagining what it would be like to be married has helped me see it as a possibility and given me some confidence. It has even made me feel happier in day to day life. It has also made me push myself more to find a real relationship.

But it's not a reality. I am going into another world and escaping the real one. I have prayed for a husband for a very long time and nothing has happened. I've started to feel maybe it won't until I give up this fantasy. Maybe I'm not mentally prepared for a real relationship and am setting my expectations too high. But I'm lost, this is all I've ever known. I am scared of the thought of the desperate loneliness if I'm just alone in my head.

I've tried to find some scripture on the subject, mostly it relates to sexual fantasizing (which is not the issue here, that's something else I've worked on with to varying degrees of success!). As I said at the top, any wisdom or help would be appreciated.

Oldmantook · Oct 21, 2017

I don't have much advice to offer except to say that although you are alone humanly speaking, you are never alone when it comes to your relationship with God which you probably already know. God is Immanuel in reference to Jesus which means "God is with us" (Matt 1:23). God in the person of the Holy Spirit is present with us and is our Comforter. You wrote: "...but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there." I wonder what would happen if you had conversations in your head with God who is there? Would that not conceivably fill the void in your life by focusing on your relationship with God? Fantasizing about something or someone is probably unproductive but conversing with God strengthens you relationship with him and he can fill the voids and gives grace to help you deal with the perplexities/difficulties of life. Perhaps you already do that so if so I apologize, but I'm just speculating at this point.

Liza B. · Oct 21, 2017

GraceDaily said:
Sorry for the long post but I feel I need to vent and get a few things out. If anyone can offer any wisdom or similar experiences it would be gratefully received.

I've woken up today feeling like I need to quit fantasising about relationships in my life. I have done it since I was a teenager. I am a loner, I'm lucky enough to now live with some good friends as of a few months ago which has improved things somewhat, but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there. Sometimes family or friends or a crush, sometimes no one in particular. It's the way I let out feelings and thoughts and things that make me laugh because I can't do it in real life. So it's a way I've coped I suppose through my lonely adult life.

For a very long time the fantasizing didn't involve me, i.e I imagined myself as someone else, someone better looking, more likeable etc. which then I didn't feel was a problem. But recently I have started imagining myself with this guy I like.
In a way it has helped: I find it very hard to see myself with someone because I never have been or even really had any close friendships. Imagining what it would be like to be married has helped me see it as a possibility and given me some confidence. It has even made me feel happier in day to day life. It has also made me push myself more to find a real relationship.

But it's not a reality. I am going into another world and escaping the real one. I have prayed for a husband for a very long time and nothing has happened. I've started to feel maybe it won't until I give up this fantasy. Maybe I'm not mentally prepared for a real relationship and am setting my expectations too high. But I'm lost, this is all I've ever known. I am scared of the thought of the desperate loneliness if I'm just alone in my head.

I've tried to find some scripture on the subject, mostly it relates to sexual fantasizing (which is not the issue here, that's something else I've worked on with to varying degrees of success!). As I said at the top, any wisdom or help would be appreciated.

Are you really escaping, or does this just happen in your head whether you wish to escape or not?

At any rate, have you tried your hand at fiction writing? Most fiction writers live in a world "in their head" most of the time. It's a hard field to break into and a tricky craft to master, but at the very least, it could give you an outlet. Just a thought.

Divide · Oct 21, 2017

Scripture says seek first the kingdom of God, and all this will be added unto you. So even though you have prayed a lot about it...be patient and the Lord will give you the desires of your heart. Just be patient.

Scripture gives guidance on what to think about about and what not to think about. We're going to be judged on our very thoughts one day. That's what Jesus meant when he said if a man looks at a woman with lust in his heart then he is guilty of adultery. So be careful how far you take it.

Philippians 4:6-9
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.../

GraceDaily · Oct 21, 2017

Liza B. said:
Are you really escaping, or does this just happen in your head whether you wish to escape or not?

At any rate, have you tried your hand at fiction writing? Most fiction writers live in a world "in their head" most of the time. It's a hard field to break into and a tricky craft to master, but at the very least, it could give you an outlet. Just a thought.

It happens whether I want to or not! I notice even when I'm with friends sometimes I'm imagining there being a guy there too. And I'm happy enough having fun with my friends so why do I need to add that? A romantic relationship is what I crave the most in life, and don't get me wrong I don't expect it to be perfect or for it complete me. But it's something I long for and have never experienced, I can't help but want it even if other parts of my life are good.

I used to write as a teenager, I used to write songs and thing too but I have lost the drive for it as I got older :sigh:

GraceDaily · Oct 21, 2017

Oldmantook said:
I don't have much advice to offer except to say that although you are alone humanly speaking, you are never alone when it comes to your relationship with God which you probably already know. God is Immanuel in reference to Jesus which means "God is with us" (Matt 1:23). God in the person of the Holy Spirit is present with us and is our Comforter. You wrote: "...but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there." I wonder what would happen if you had conversations in your head with God who is there? Would that not conceivably fill the void in your life by focusing on your relationship with God? Fantasizing about something or someone is probably unproductive but conversing with God strengthens you relationship with him and he can fill the voids and gives grace to help you deal with the perplexities/difficulties of life. Perhaps you already do that so if so I apologize, but I'm just speculating at this point.

I can't imagine the loneliness people must feel when they don't have the presence of God! I do turn to prayer in lonely moments but the problem is God doesn't talk back and the void I'm filling is having someone there to have a conversation with as I'm doing things. The problem with this is I'm controlling the conversation and the relationship which in real life is obviously not the case.

Basically I feel like I've done everything right in terms of looking for a relationship in a Godly way...so why hasn't happened? I thought when I found someone I could stop this fantasy life but maybe I need to stop it and then it will happen.

A_Thinker · Oct 21, 2017

GraceDaily said:
Sorry for the long post but I feel I need to vent and get a few things out. If anyone can offer any wisdom or similar experiences it would be gratefully received.

I've woken up today feeling like I need to quit fantasising about relationships in my life. I have done it since I was a teenager. I am a loner, I'm lucky enough to now live with some good friends as of a few months ago which has improved things somewhat, but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there. Sometimes family or friends or a crush, sometimes no one in particular. It's the way I let out feelings and thoughts and things that make me laugh because I can't do it in real life. So it's a way I've coped I suppose through my lonely adult life.

For a very long time the fantasizing didn't involve me, i.e I imagined myself as someone else, someone better looking, more likeable etc. which then I didn't feel was a problem. But recently I have started imagining myself with this guy I like.
In a way it has helped: I find it very hard to see myself with someone because I never have been or even really had any close friendships. Imagining what it would be like to be married has helped me see it as a possibility and given me some confidence. It has even made me feel happier in day to day life. It has also made me push myself more to find a real relationship.

But it's not a reality. I am going into another world and escaping the real one. I have prayed for a husband for a very long time and nothing has happened. I've started to feel maybe it won't until I give up this fantasy. Maybe I'm not mentally prepared for a real relationship and am setting my expectations too high. But I'm lost, this is all I've ever known. I am scared of the thought of the desperate loneliness if I'm just alone in my head.

I've tried to find some scripture on the subject, mostly it relates to sexual fantasizing (which is not the issue here, that's something else I've worked on with to varying degrees of success!). As I said at the top, any wisdom or help would be appreciated.

I would suggest that you try to find activities which you can SHARE with other people. These could be in the area of church service or activities ... or along the lines of an interest of yours.

My situation was similar to yours. I fantasized a lot, as well, but I also eventually reached out and joined a local choral group ... and met many like-minded people there. At the same time, I became my involved in my church, helping out with the Youth, and Sunday School, and the choir, ... and so, found friendships with many, including the woman who is my wife today.

drjean · Oct 21, 2017

The best, easiest (?) way to stop one habit is to replace it with another action that becomes a habit, or in this case to refocus from one area to another.

Try developing this energy that you focus upon human relationship desires into a "God thing".

Obsessing upon God, His love for us, His mercy and grace and comfort, His provision, His safety and peace, can be a good thing!

The LORD is our Father, We are His bride.... God created mankind for fellowship and worship with HIM....

Recenter those conversations within your mind towards conversations with God. Read His Word to hear more of what He has to say, and then you will also be hearing His "voice" in His part of those conversations.

When you realize that you are obsessing/fantasizing as in the past, stop and speak to "it" saying something like NO, I am building a healthy relationship with my God, I can focus upon people later. A right relationship with God lays the foundation for healthy relationships IRL, imo.

salt-n-light · Oct 21, 2017

GraceDaily said:
Sorry for the long post but I feel I need to vent and get a few things out. If anyone can offer any wisdom or similar experiences it would be gratefully received.

I've woken up today feeling like I need to quit fantasising about relationships in my life. I have done it since I was a teenager. I am a loner, I'm lucky enough to now live with some good friends as of a few months ago which has improved things somewhat, but I still spend the majority of my time alone which results in me having conversations in my head with someone who isn't there. Sometimes family or friends or a crush, sometimes no one in particular. It's the way I let out feelings and thoughts and things that make me laugh because I can't do it in real life. So it's a way I've coped I suppose through my lonely adult life.

For a very long time the fantasizing didn't involve me, i.e I imagined myself as someone else, someone better looking, more likeable etc. which then I didn't feel was a problem. But recently I have started imagining myself with this guy I like.
In a way it has helped: I find it very hard to see myself with someone because I never have been or even really had any close friendships. Imagining what it would be like to be married has helped me see it as a possibility and given me some confidence. It has even made me feel happier in day to day life. It has also made me push myself more to find a real relationship.

But it's not a reality. I am going into another world and escaping the real one. I have prayed for a husband for a very long time and nothing has happened. I've started to feel maybe it won't until I give up this fantasy. Maybe I'm not mentally prepared for a real relationship and am setting my expectations too high. But I'm lost, this is all I've ever known. I am scared of the thought of the desperate loneliness if I'm just alone in my head.

I've tried to find some scripture on the subject, mostly it relates to sexual fantasizing (which is not the issue here, that's something else I've worked on with to varying degrees of success!). As I said at the top, any wisdom or help would be appreciated.

First off welcome!

Read what I wrote but I encourage you to also listen to this podcast, because it has helped me see my singledom in a different light:
Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters | Desiring God

Three things i've noted from your post:
1. You called yourself a loner, although you're not physically alone. So the issue wouldn't be a physical loneliness, but spiritual loneliness.
2. You remedied the solution for your spiritual loneliness with marriage/relationship. But that will only address things physically, when physicality or presence of love ones isn't the issue, it still wouldn't address the spiritual loneliness.
3. Your subconsciously remedying the spiritual desires through fantasy. By trying to create a world when you see yourself happy. This is three fold, by doing this,
a. You are eliminating factors that are based on the realities of your life.
b. You are trying to put your energy and expectations into a "world" that is not producing anything.
c. When your heart are in matters that are not producing, and doesn't address the realities of your life, it rejects reality, and puts trust on fantasy.

Put all that together, and it becomes a situation where, even if you're with love ones, even if they try to reach out, the only time you truly don't feel lonely is when you reject your physical realities, and put your hopes in a "world" of your own that ultimately doesn't breed anything.

So now three things:
1. Since this is a spiritual matter, it has to be dealt with it spiritually.
2. Putting a physical solution to a spiritual matter, will not address it spiritually. Even marriage or intimate relationships. Its gonna end up just being a mask for you. It will look like a shiny apple with a rotten core.
3. If spiritual loneliness, the true issue, isn't dealt with the right way with God, your heart will naturally go somewhere else for "true" solution. It's gonna end up finding comfort in things that is not fruitful like fantasies. Stay there long enough, and it becomes a habit. It becomes addictive and a retreat for you. It becomes a part of you.

Been there girl!

My three advices:
1. Don't see your circumstances as a curse on your life, but examine it and ask God questions about it. "Why am I lonely despite being around people? How would you address this God? Have you ever felt that way Jesus, how did you do it? How did you deal with your friendships Lord?". We often ask our close friends these questions, and even the best ones we can disregard, because again we already rejected reality. The Word is so powerful, ask Him and take your time. He will reveal Himself when you seek Him out.

2. Don't see your singleness as a curse on your life, it is a blessing. Deeper than the physical blessings shown in relationship and marriage. Like how marriage and relationships have intimate moments, weddings, and birth, singleness have its own spiritual intimate moments, ceremonies, and spiritual births. This is why Paul would go as far as saying, its better to stay single, when your married your concerns are mostly on what is pleasing to your spouse (physical,limited), but when your single your concerns are mostly on what is pleasing to the Lord (spiritual, unlimited). Singleness and marriages are both gifts, and both are powerful testimonies to God's love.Marriage/relationships is not a solution to singleness, and singleness is not a solution to marriage/relationships.

3.Don't see your reality as a curse on your life, for it is there to show a reflection on yourself. Retreating from it spiritually is not gonna help, your heart will land somewhere. There's no weird vacuum nirvana where your heart can safe in, whether its fantasies, or dreams, or pursues, that is away from God. We often see fantasies as harmless, but trust me, if your heart aren't in things of God, its going somewhere that will not breed any fruit, and does a lot more harm than good. You have to not retreat but overcome your spiritual loneliness. It is painful to face those inner issues, to face realities, but have faith in God will heal you spiritually, so that you feel true happiness. Once you feel supported spiritually with God and put all trust and understanding on Him, it will affect how you see the physicality of your relationships with yourself and others. It will feel wholesome and not fragmented.

GraceDaily · Oct 21, 2017

drjean said:
The best, easiest (?) way to stop one habit is to replace it with another action that becomes a habit, or in this case to refocus from one area to another.

Try developing this energy that you focus upon human relationship desires into a "God thing".

Obsessing upon God, His love for us, His mercy and grace and comfort, His provision, His safety and peace, can be a good thing!

The LORD is our Father, We are His bride.... God created mankind for fellowship and worship with HIM....

Recenter those conversations within your mind towards conversations with God. Read His Word to hear more of what He has to say, and then you will also be hearing His "voice" in His part of those conversations.

When you realize that you are obsessing/fantasizing as in the past, stop and speak to "it" saying something like NO, I am building a healthy relationship with my God, I can focus upon people later. A right relationship with God lays the foundation for healthy relationships IRL, imo.

Thank you, I think you are spot on and I will try this.

GraceDaily · Oct 21, 2017

Mskriskris said:
First off welcome!

Read what I wrote but I encourage you to also listen to this podcast, because it has helped me see my singledom in a different light:
Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters | Desiring God

Three things i've noted from your post:
1. You called yourself a loner, although you're not physically alone. So the issue wouldn't be a physical loneliness, but spiritual loneliness.
2. You remedied the solution for your spiritual loneliness with marriage/relationship. But that will only address things physically, when physicality or presence of love ones isn't the issue, it still wouldn't address the spiritual loneliness.
3. Your subconsciously remedying the spiritual desires through fantasy. By trying to create a world when you see yourself happy. This is three fold, by doing this,
a. You are eliminating factors that are based on the realities of your life.
b. You are trying to put your energy and expectations into a "world" that is not producing anything.
c. When your heart are in matters that are not producing, and doesn't address the realities of your life, it rejects reality, and puts trust on fantasy.

Put all that together, and it becomes a situation where, even if you're with love ones, even if they try to reach out, the only time you truly don't feel lonely is when you reject your physical realities, and put your hopes in a "world" of your own that ultimately doesn't breed anything.

So now three things:
1. Since this is a spiritual matter, it has to be dealt with it spiritually.
2. Putting a physical solution to a spiritual matter, will not address it spiritually. Even marriage or intimate relationships. Its gonna end up just being a mask for you. It will look like a shiny apple with a rotten core.
3. If spiritual loneliness, the true issue, isn't dealt with the right way with God, your heart will naturally go somewhere else for "true" solution. It's gonna end up finding comfort in things that is not fruitful like fantasies. Stay there long enough, and it becomes a habit. It becomes addictive and a retreat for you. It becomes a part of you.

Been there girl!

My three advices:
1. Don't see your circumstances as a curse on your life, but examine it and ask God questions about it. "Why am I lonely despite being around people? How would you address this God? Have you ever felt that way Jesus, how did you do it? How did you deal with your friendships Lord?". We often ask our close friends these questions, and even the best ones we can disregard, because again we already rejected reality. The Word is so powerful, ask Him and take your time. He will reveal Himself when you seek Him out.

2. Don't see your singleness as a curse on your life, it is a blessing. Deeper than the physical blessings shown in relationship and marriage. Like how marriage and relationships have intimate moments, weddings, and birth, singleness have its own spiritual intimate moments, ceremonies, and spiritual births. This is why Paul would go as far as saying, its better to stay single, when your married your concerns are mostly on what is pleasing to your spouse (physical,limited), but when your single your concerns are mostly on what is pleasing to the Lord (spiritual, unlimited). Singleness and marriages are both gifts, and both are powerful testimonies to God's love.Marriage/relationships is not a solution to singleness, and singleness is not a solution to marriage/relationships.

3.Don't see your reality as a curse on your life, for it is there to show a reflection on yourself. Retreating from it spiritually is not gonna help, your heart will land somewhere. There's no weird vacuum nirvana where your heart can safe in, whether its fantasies, or dreams, or pursues, that is away from God. We often see fantasies as harmless, but trust me, if your heart aren't in things of God, its going somewhere that will not breed any fruit, and does a lot more harm than good. You have to not retreat but overcome your spiritual loneliness. It is painful to face those inner issues, to face realities, but have faith in God will heal you spiritually, so that you feel true happiness. Once you feel supported spiritually with God and put all trust and understanding on Him, it will affect how you see the physicality of your relationships with yourself and others. It will feel wholesome and not fragmented.

Thank you for taking the time to give such a detailed response. I think I may have given the wrong impression though. The loneliness IS physical, not spiritual. My only real friends are the two people I live with and although that has improved things on where I lived before, I still don't see them all that much so I do spend the majority of my time alone. I also work alone. Spiritually I am with God and I do feel his presence and know He is all I need. But what I'm missing is human relationship so I just imagine it instead.

salt-n-light · Oct 21, 2017

GraceDaily said:
Thank you for taking the time to give such a detailed response. I think I may have given the wrong impression though. The loneliness IS physical, not spiritual. My only real friends are the two people I live with and although that has improved things on where I lived before, I still don't see them all that much so I do spend the majority of my time alone. I also work alone. Spiritually I am with God and I do feel his presence and know He is all I need. But what I'm missing is human relationship so I just imagine it instead.

I have faced that too. The handful of friends have started to become a little distant. And i felt that I wasn't really being tended to, kinda ignored. But then,I pass by so many people, and have saw so many events happening around my area, people in the park, in the coffee shops, in the places I go everyday, that are potential friends. Even to volunteer time for others that were looking for a company, I would pass it and stay in that lonely place.

So physically, you are not alone. Its still spiritual. Its one thing to know people are around you, its another to not feel alone. Its one thing to know God is there, its another to be in His company. Volunteering time, or just having a quick chat about things with social groups, and such are great things, and I encourage you to get out there. But human relationships will go so far, if you still feel alone spiritually.People will come and go, we can't bank on only human relationships, so it has to first start with your heart. Are you first finding sufficient company with God? Not only as a provider, but as someone who is a personal friend and companion? How are you trying to be a companion to others? Are you showing that they too can find true companionship in God? If He isn't, make Him a companion. And if you're not striving to be someone else's companion, purpose in your heart to do it, and you'll find yourself never alone.

Its natural to feel lonely, but don't let it comsume you. Don't make it an identity, being a loner.

Blessed Each Day · Oct 21, 2017

I feel like @A_Thinker and @Mskriskris are right on the money; have you gone out to activities oriented for like-minded individuals? Are you able to go to church events and charitable events/social gatherings as they are great ways to meet people of a loving nature who you'll already know most likely have a relationship with God. First, you have to be comfortable with your relationship with Him, because He is all that matters. Once you know and accept the fact that you're acceptable to Him, it really shouldn't matter what ANYONE thinks in this world, because it's all vain. I know that's easier said than done, but it's true. Once you feel comfortable that you're on the path He has for you, know that He has someone out there for you. I'm of the mindset that you have to go through a lot of wrong ones before you find the right one, but some people receive that blessing more quickly than others

God bless you!

Little Lantern · Oct 21, 2017

I used to be a person who had a fantasy life. As I look back, I think it was my way of coping with a very unhappy real life and a lack of self-worth. As life improved and my confidence increased, the fantasy life seeped away slowly but surely.

A_Thinker said:
I would suggest that you try to find activities which you can SHARE with other people. These could be in the area of church service or activities ... or along the lines of an interest of yours.

You might start a process of increasing real (enjoyable) activities and decreasing fantasy. As you do this little by little, hopefully, you will reach the tipping point where you find you actually enjoy your real life more than your fantasy life and be able to see your fantasy life as what it truly is- empty and pointless. Also, it might be helpful to be conscious of when you tend to fantasize, and have activities ready and in place so you can move your mental focus back to reality.

May God work in you by the power of His Holy Spirit to alleviate every hindrance against you fulfilling the place in His body He has created just for you!

drjean · Oct 21, 2017

Your OP subject line asks about knowing when fantasizing goes too far...

.... I suggest:

if it becomes against God's will (those thoughts and upon what you're dwelling )

if it takes so much of your time and energy that you are neglecting normal responsibilities or good self care

Kit Sigmon · Oct 21, 2017

It goes too far when you stop identifying yourself as God's child
and living a life that's honoring to Him and His Word.

God established our worth when He created mankind in His Image...let that
sink way down deep inside you...meditate on that for awhile.

If you be born again/saved...you're a new creation, thanks be to the Lord!
your identity is: Child of God.
And as His Child, you're to be putting off the old self and putting on Christ...
Romans 13:14.

Guard your "heart/thoughts"...Bible Gateway passage: Proverbs 4:23-27 - Good News Translation

GraceDaily · Oct 22, 2017

Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it.

Blessed Each Day said:
I feel like @A_Thinker and @Mskriskris are right on the money; have you gone out to activities oriented for like-minded individuals? Are you able to go to church events and charitable events/social gatherings as they are great ways to meet people of a loving nature who you'll already know most likely have a relationship with God. First, you have to be comfortable with your relationship with Him, because He is all that matters. Once you know and accept the fact that you're acceptable to Him, it really shouldn't matter what ANYONE thinks in this world, because it's all vain. I know that's easier said than done, but it's true. Once you feel comfortable that you're on the path He has for you, know that He has someone out there for you. I'm of the mindset that you have to go through a lot of wrong ones before you find the right one, but some people receive that blessing more quickly than others God bless you!

Little Lantern said:
I used to be a person who had a fantasy life. As I look back, I think it was my way of coping with a very unhappy real life and a lack of self-worth. As life improved and my confidence increased, the fantasy life seeped away slowly but surely.

You might start a process of increasing real (enjoyable) activities and decreasing fantasy. As you do this little by little, hopefully, you will reach the tipping point where you find you actually enjoy your real life more than your fantasy life and be able to see your fantasy life as what it truly is- empty and pointless. Also, it might be helpful to be conscious of when you tend to fantasize, and have activities ready and in place so you can move your mental focus back to reality.

May God work in you by the power of His Holy Spirit to alleviate every hindrance against you fulfilling the place in His body He has created just for you!

I have tried for years to make real friendships, without boring you all on another aspect of my life I am very introverted and don't make friends easily. I do go and do things and try to meet people but haven't been very successful, again leading to loneliness.

It has been a process in recent years to accept that God loves me as I am, in fact I feel like that's what He's been trying to teach me and I am at a place where I accept that. The problem isn't there, it's human relationships.

drjean said:
Your OP subject line asks about knowing when fantasizing goes too far...

.... I suggest:

if it becomes against God's will (those thoughts and upon what you're dwelling )

if it takes so much of your time and energy that you are neglecting normal responsibilities or good self care

Kit Sigmon said:
It goes too far when you stop identifying yourself as God's child
and living a life that's honoring to Him and His Word.

God established our worth when He created mankind in His Image...let that
sink way down deep inside you...meditate on that for awhile.

If you be born again/saved...you're a new creation, thanks be to the Lord!
your identity is: Child of God.
And as His Child, you're to be putting off the old self and putting on Christ...
Romans 13:14.

Guard your "heart/thoughts"...Bible Gateway passage: Proverbs 4:23-27 - Good News Translation

Interesting points. I keep trying to justify it by thinking well I am keeping in line with God's will as much as I can but it still feels like it's wrong. Maybe it's just the wrong choice for me at this point rather than being sinful??

drjean · Oct 22, 2017

Only you know if it is really unhealthy for you right now, as we are just reading your comments.

I will share that quantum science, bioneurology (epigenetics specifically) has PROVEN that our thoughts are physical entities and not ethereal... our minds can "create". For our physical bodies this means that the mind totally controls the brain and what chemicals it produces for health or not. In the spiritual realm this means that you draw into your life that upon which you dwell.

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus"... Purposeful concentration, focussed thinking for a good thing is not bad! But keeping it in line so that it isn't your WHOLE life is important.

I am personally cautioned when people COMPARE themselves to others, not wishing to be whom they are. God made each one of us as individuals and we are each special to Him for special purposes. Yes, he wants us to have company and fellowship, but our first goal must be to accept and develop the self into what HE wants. At that time we are ready for "enhancement" of another.

NothingIsImpossible · Oct 23, 2017

I'd say focus less on finding love and focus more on God. I turned finding the right person into my idol for years. And it really is something I regret because of all the bad things that happened because of it. I ignored red flags that were practically the size of the moon and wrapped around my head. It wasn't until I let go about finding love that God brought my wife into my life.

discipler7 · Oct 23, 2017

GraceDaily said:
I've tried to find some scripture on the subject,

.
GENESIS.3: =
16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
.

1CORINTHIANS.7: = 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. .......

To the Unmarried and Widows
25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.

29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

All women have been born with the curse of needing emotional love from a lover/bf/husband, as a consequence of Adam & Eve's Original Sin.

According to MATTHEW.25:36-48, Christians can also serve God indirectly by proxy by financially contributing to the Church, pastors, missionaries, etc.

When does fantasizing go too far?

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His grace is sufficient

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Be encouraged! Christ has overcome the world!

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