Divorce and adultery

Observer said:

It'd be easier if my ex cheated. He did everything except that. Well he had a baby with someone while we were still married but I'm technically the one who ended it because he changed his mind and wanted to be back together and I said no.

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Even most christian diehards who would say that you don't have grounds to divorce and remarry ... would agree that the abuse you suffered would entitle you to be separated from your husband (i.e. you didn't have to take him back).

If this motivated him to move on to a new relationship, ... you, too, should be free to do so.

Finally, as "jane_doe" says above, your agnostic status technically frees you from God's expectations for your married life. You could, theoretically, marry your beau and then, move into a new era of christian life. Or, you could become a christian, ... and then, marry your beau.

Actually, the bible does not say abuse is grounds for divorce. The only thing it even says is adultry is grounds. But that was not a commandment, it was a parable about how people will find any reason to divorce no matter what someone tells them (even God).

Im kinda of in a similar situation. I hope you find answers because all anyone can tell me is im an adulterer since my divorce is not finalized. Praying for you

Observer said:

I wouldn't want any part of a God who thought I should stay in an extremely abusive marriage.

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I don't think that's what God wanted/wants for you at all.

Observer said:

I believe God wanted me to leave him.

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Same here.

Observer said:

As for remarriage, perhaps I will never know what he wants me to do. Because what the bible says about marriage, I could be dead if I followed it. I'd be suicidal as well.

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The Bible doesn't say stay in an abusive marriage! Rather it orders men to love their wives, which is obviously not happening in a wife-beating situation.

My prayer for you ladies who are divorced due to abuse and for your own safety really, is that you will find the Holy Spirit ministering to you directly and you get the answers you need according to God's will. That you find it in prayer, that you know in your hearts as you move forward what is right in God's eyes. Amen

Unwatching thread, makes me so depressed seeing people saying divorce is ok for various reasons despite the bible saying otherwise. >.<

As an Agnostic, unless you’re seeking to become Christian, the Christian take on marriage and divorce and if it means you’re going to hell doesn’t matter all that much. It’s not against Agnostic beliefs to divorce and remarry, so you’re in the clear. And by saying you want no part of a God who would say you’d have to stay, you really have no reason to worry about any interpretation that says as much would say or think of you.

Even from a Christian perspective, the number of people who say that you can’t divorce an abuser are few and far between. The remarriage part gets fuzzy, but here’s the thing... We are told how to avoid sin, but we are also told we are going to sin and, when we do, here is how we right the ship. So if it’s concerning you and you feel it could be a sin, seek God and God’s forgiveness. He understands we are flawed and loves us anyway. No reason you can’t do the same.

I learned yesterday the Amish can divorce. If the Amish can find spiritual reasons to divorce for irreconcilable differences but yet avoid zippers because they’re sinful, I suspect you’re ok too. Ultimately, it’s between you and God. If you feel you’ve wronged God, or are worried you will or did, then do what you can to fix it. Don’t worry about our opinion on your situation. You’ll never be in short supply of people ready to tell you how you’re living your life wrong, regardless of what you do. Just worry about you and God and your family.

@RoseforChrist
Remember, the grace of God can restore a marriage. I would find it hard to proclaim the gospel from Scripture if I did not believe this.

Quotes of Observer
1 group of people says remain single for life and the other side says be happy. And the bible has no direct advice for my situation


The Bible is not a marriage manual and does not cover all situations, it is a letter of God’s benevolent nature reaching out to sinners to be reconciled back to Him. God will do just about anything to reconcile mankind back to Him and the fact that He sent His Son to be butchered on the cross is more than enough proof. The main theme of the Bible is one that demonstrates extreme love and grace from God and it can supersede the legal laws.


I know you want a scripture that will put your heart at ease but as I said, God’s main purpose in the Bible is not covering all the marriage situations. However, I can give you a situation where a Godly man (King David) committed adultery then later had the husband (Uriah) murdered so that he could have his wife. After the man was murdered King David took Bathsheba to be his wife and she bore him sons. David had several wives at the time he committed adultery. Yes David paid dearly for his sin but God forgave him and blessed his marriage with Bathsheba with a son, the great Solomon.
2nd Samuel 11


It seems to me that the adultery with David and Bathsheba, in relation to your inquiry, is that God blessed David and Bathsheba in their marriage even though they both had committed adultery. So I conclude by this Biblical story that God’s benevolence can supersede the legalistic laws.




In your case Observer, you were not loved by your husband and were severely abused in many ways by your abusive, crude and mean man, husband who was not like Uriah, who was a good man. If God will bless Bathsheba that committed adultery against a good man (Uriah) I think that He will bless you that committed adultery against a bad man.




The Bible speaks of the unpardonable sin and adultery is not the unpardonable sin!


Your great concern for what God has said tells me that you honor and respect God. I suspect that if you get more faith and understanding in God that you will have a heart that desires God more than you do now. God hates that His daughter Observer was abused and longs for you to know Him more and discover that real love and grace is His main attributes.

To the OP, and to those who would condemn the OP:

John 8:1-11 (bold mine)
1but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Be at peace, Observer.

To the post above, read my signature picture below and you will learn the difference between judging and correction.

Yes... Judging is when it’s done to you. “Correcting” is when you do it to somebody else.

BigDaddy4 said:

7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

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If you are reading this text thru modern western eyes, then you really have no idea what is actually being said.

The fact of the matter is she’s agnostic and has stated she rejects any doctrine that would condemn her for leaving the husband that was beating her. She is free to leave and remarry regardless of the interpretations that some Christians make about the morality. It’s legal to do so and she doesn’t believe in the very narrow and non-mainstream Christian theology that would label a woman an adulteress for leaving a person who beat her and remarrying one who doesn’t.

The whole argument is moot as she has said she’s Agnostic and doesn’t believe in that interpretation of the Bible (along with most Christians).

OP, as I said, if it truly weighs on you then bring it to God. You will never get all Christians to agree on anything, so do what’s best for you and your relationship with God. Clearly leaving a man who beats you severely is what’s best for you. You don’t have to apologize to anybody for doing that.

Dave-W said:

If you are reading this text thru modern western eyes, then you really have no idea what is actually being said.

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Ah, yes, that excuse. I've heard that one before. Whatever floats your boat.

BigDaddy4 said:

Ah, yes, that excuse. I've heard that one before. Whatever floats your boat.

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Unless you think HE was intentionally misleading His listeners, you have to figure out what those words would have said to His original audience.

Dave-W said:

Unless you think HE was intentionally misleading His listeners, you have to figure out what those words would have said to His original audience.

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Do you have any thoughts for the OP, or are you just wanting to create non-helpful rabbit holes?

Observer said:

My divorce was approved a month ago by the way. So I was with my current partner before legal divorce and my ex husband had sex and she gave birth to the child before we were legally divorced

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The best advice I can give is pray about it and see where the lord leads you.

Just opinion here:
I personally think you have the right to remarry, You should forget about the man who abused you and live your life with your new man and if marriage is in the future,great!. No need to live a celibate life style because of all that happened.

Take this scripture for what it's worth; the original laws about divorce.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Observer said:

Hi Jane, sorry, I wasn't sure how to reply directly to people. Was replying to the person above.

Thank you for your advice. It's just so hard to know what's right when there are 2 sides - 1 group of people says remain single for life and the other side says be happy. And the bible has no direct advice for my situation.

It makes me think... I had sex with 1 boy before marriage, my husband gad sex with many women before me. So we were adulterers before marriage. Seems there is no escaping it. Either repent and be a martyr or be happy and have love/romance/sex/children etc.

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Your situation is super hard without a doubt. This is a major battle of flesh versus the spirit. Christians can be in a battle every day because we have an enemy who absolutely hates us more than we can even fathom because he hates God, and of course it's a fallen world.

What your EX/husband did or did not do doesn't really matter at this point because the marriage is over. I would suggest you stop spinning all that around in your head - I know that's hard, but it's not constructive! I'm guessing you want to give us the full history so we can properly advise too -- but we can't because we don't know your EX husbands side at all, and never will .. so...

Please realize also that God is not going to ask you about what your husband did before/during/while you were married, etc. that is between him and God. You are accountable for your choices, and you will reap the consequences of those choices -- is this new guy a Christian, should I be having sex with Him before we are married, will we keep Christ at the center of our marriage, etc..

It seems very likely that you have repented and put your trust in HIM - your sins past, present, and future removed because I don't believe you to be agnostic, soooooooooooo press on, continue to seek the Lord with all your heart, and be still to LISTEN to HIM. Let Him heal you from those awful years! Let this be a time of amazing spiritual growth in you. HE wants to use this time to transform you. He wants you to be HOLY and blameless before HIM. He wants you to be HOLY and blameless before Him. Our happiness isn't His primary concern because this life is but a speck compared to eternity. (yikes, hard to swallow I know).

One of my fav songs - the lyrics seems to apply.


Romans 8:28New International Version (NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good, those who love HIM, and have been called according to his purpose.