Depression about Torture

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

I am feeling depressed about my torture. I am feeling like God does not love me or care about what I endured. I feel suicidal and feel weak against the enemies attacks on me. I wish I had never endured the torture. It damaged me a lot. My body never feels like it belongs to me. It feels like it belongs to my torturers. My mind does not feel like it belongs to me either, it feels like it belongs to my torturers too. I was treated worse than an animal. I wish I could peacefully take my life but I do not know any good ways to peacefully take my life. Why did God let it happen to me? I am praying God sees me and will help mend my heart.

Poppyseed78 · Oct 16, 2017

I'm praying for peace and comfort for you, Bluerose. I'm so sorry you've suffered. I do believe God loves you.

charity_22 · Oct 16, 2017

Im sorry that you have to go through this.. I know how you feel believe me. we often question why God allowed these things to happen to us..its because He wants us to seek for Him and ask for His help..the feeling is very hard and hurtful but its only through prayers we can get through this ordeal.Praying for your enlightenment In Jesus' name.

Kerensa · Oct 16, 2017

Don't give in, dear Bluerose. Your mind and body belong to God — not to the people who hurt you so evilly — and He is keeping you in His care, even when it feels like that's anything but true. I can't pretend to know what you're going through when these dark thoughts and feelings come, but I do know God loves you and His will for you is life, not death. He wants and needs you to live and work for Him — to get to know His goodness and His healing love better and better and to share that love with others who need it. I'm praying for you too, friend.

Pilgrim · Oct 16, 2017

Bluerose31 said:
I am feeling depressed about my torture. I am feeling like God does not love me or care about what I endured. I feel suicidal and feel weak against the enemies attacks on me. I wish I had never endured the torture. It damaged me a lot. My body never feels like it belongs to me. It feels like it belongs to my torturers. My mind does not feel like it belongs to me either, it feels like it belongs to my torturers too. I was treated worse than an animal. I wish I could peacefully take my life but I do not know any good ways to peacefully take my life. Why did God let it happen to me? I am praying God sees me and will help mend my heart.

Praying for you Rose. God bless you and keep you.

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

Poppyseed78 said:
I'm praying for peace and comfort for you, Bluerose. I'm so sorry you've suffered. I do believe God loves you.

Thank you for your kind words and for saying you do believe God loves me.

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

charity_22 said:
Im sorry that you have to go through this.. I know how you feel believe me. we often question why God allowed these things to happen to us..its because He wants us to seek for Him and ask for His help..the feeling is very hard and hurtful but its only through prayers we can get through this ordeal.Praying for your enlightenment In Jesus' name.

Thank you so much Charity.

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

Kerensa said:
Don't give in, dear Bluerose. Your mind and body belong to God — not to the people who hurt you so evilly — and He is keeping you in His care, even when it feels like that's anything but true. I can't pretend to know what you're going through when these dark thoughts and feelings come, but I do know God loves you and His will for you is life, not death. He wants and needs you to live and work for Him — to get to know His goodness and His healing love better and better and to share that love with others who need it. I'm praying for you too, friend.

Thank you so much Kerensa for your encouraging words.

Dave G. · Oct 16, 2017

Continuing to pray for you bluerose. Here in the forum right now I pray a blessing in the form of a spirit of relief comes over you tonight, in the name of Jesus I pray that. Amen

Lord also I pray, there are so many in the forum with torture or tortured minds, health issues, deformities , others with weakness in faith or in will. Well Lord, it seems we all have something and that is why you came to earth, to forgive, to heal and to love. Thank you so much for that. We continue daily to need your presence and to fight off the wolf in the night, that old enemy Satan. Help us to keep a clear mind set towards you Lord and not dwell on the things of darkness. In Your precious and Holy name I pray. Amen

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

Mr. O said:
Praying for you Rose. God bless you and keep you.

Thank you so much Mr. O.

Bluerose31 · Oct 16, 2017

Dave G. said:
Continuing to pray for you bluerose. Here in the forum right now I pray a blessing in the form of a spirit of relief comes over you tonight, in the name of Jesus I pray that. Amen

Lord also I pray, there are so many in the forum with torture or tortured minds, health issues, deformities , others with weakness in faith or in will. Well Lord, it seems we all have something and that is why you came to earth, to forgive, to heal and to love. Thank you so much for that. We continue daily to need your presence and to fight off the wolf in the night, that old enemy Satan. Help us to keep a clear mind set towards you Lord and not dwell on the things of darkness. In Your precious and Holy name I pray. Amen

Thank you so much Dave for your beautiful prayer.

EnergonWaffles · Oct 16, 2017

Bluerose31 said:
I am feeling depressed about my torture. I am feeling like God does not love me or care about what I endured. I feel suicidal and feel weak against the enemies attacks on me. I wish I had never endured the torture. It damaged me a lot. My body never feels like it belongs to me. It feels like it belongs to my torturers. My mind does not feel like it belongs to me either, it feels like it belongs to my torturers too. I was treated worse than an animal. I wish I could peacefully take my life but I do not know any good ways to peacefully take my life. Why did God let it happen to me? I am praying God sees me and will help mend my heart.

My dear, your responses are normal reactions to an abnormal situation you endured. While I have no clue what your torture was, I recognize some of the doubts you describe. As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, I felt very similar. Our bodies are "fearfully and wonderfully made"- our bodies and mind will react in ways we don't want them to. I left the abuse with a conditioned fear response to Jesus' name that God has gently healed over the last year. It's ok for your body and mind to have reactions that are beyond your control.

First, you should know that God has compassion on your mental state. He's no stranger to torture- Jesus was tortured until He didn't resemble a human being. "Just as there were many who were appalled at him -- his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness--" - Isaiah 52:14

Do you mind if I share how God finally assured me of His love? I'm positive God wants to talk with you personally, but maybe this will help a little.

One day, I came across Romans 5:8. "God proves His love for us in this: Jesus died for us while we were still sinners."
Here, the Bible said that God had already proved His love for me? Slowly, God showed me that I was looking at my circumstances to see if God loved me. God wants something more stable for His children! He wants us to look at the cross because thats the greatest display of love in the whole universe! "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." - John 15:13

My dear, as you heal, start asking God to ground you in what Jesus did on the cross. That's ok if you don't feel loved yet when you look at the cross. God will make it happen. One thing you can do when the emotions hit and they're hurting so badly is tell God "God, I know if I understood what You did on the cross, I wouldn't have these emotions."

I will be praying you, hun.

- Waffles.

JesusLovesOurLady · Oct 16, 2017

Bluerose31 said:
I am feeling depressed about my torture. I am feeling like God does not love me or care about what I endured. I feel suicidal and feel weak against the enemies attacks on me. I wish I had never endured the torture. It damaged me a lot. My body never feels like it belongs to me. It feels like it belongs to my torturers. My mind does not feel like it belongs to me either, it feels like it belongs to my torturers too. I was treated worse than an animal. I wish I could peacefully take my life but I do not know any good ways to peacefully take my life. Why did God let it happen to me? I am praying God sees me and will help mend my heart.

Read St. Luke 2:41-50

Bluerose31 · Oct 17, 2017

JesusLovesOurLady said:
Read St. Luke 2:41-50

Thank you so much JesusLovesOurLady.

Bluerose31 · Oct 17, 2017

EnergonWaffles said:
My dear, your responses are normal reactions to an abnormal situation you endured. While I have no clue what your torture was, I recognize some of the doubts you describe. As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, I felt very similar. Our bodies are "fearfully and wonderfully made"- our bodies and mind will react in ways we don't want them to. I left the abuse with a conditioned fear response to Jesus' name that God has gently healed over the last year. It's ok for your body and mind to have reactions that are beyond your control.

First, you should know that God has compassion on your mental state. He's no stranger to torture- Jesus was tortured until He didn't resemble a human being. "Just as there were many who were appalled at him -- his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness--" - Isaiah 52:14

Do you mind if I share how God finally assured me of His love? I'm positive God wants to talk with you personally, but maybe this will help a little.

One day, I came across Romans 5:8. "God proves His love for us in this: Jesus died for us while we were still sinners."
Here, the Bible said that God had already proved His love for me? Slowly, God showed me that I was looking at my circumstances to see if God loved me. God wants something more stable for His children! He wants us to look at the cross because thats the greatest display of love in the whole universe! "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." - John 15:13

My dear, as you heal, start asking God to ground you in what Jesus did on the cross. That's ok if you don't feel loved yet when you look at the cross. God will make it happen. One thing you can do when the emotions hit and they're hurting so badly is tell God "God, I know if I understood what You did on the cross, I wouldn't have these emotions."

I will be praying you, hun.

- Waffles.

Thank you so much for your words Waffles. Thank you for sharing with me that your a survivor of clergy sexual abuse. I am very sorry you experienced that. Thank you for sharing with me ways that you have healed. I will look to the cross of Jesus more and remember that he was tortured and disfigured and must have suffered so much. He would understand our pain. God bless you.

Chaplain David · Nov 15, 2017

Hi,

I am praying for the OP and everyone here. I also feel strongly about good therapy but realize that everyone doesn't. That's ok.

It's good to say hello and read everyone's responses. God bless.

Bluerose31 · Nov 15, 2017

Chaplain David said:
Hi,

I am praying for the OP and everyone here. I also feel strongly about good therapy but realize that everyone doesn't. That's ok.

It's good to say hello and read everyone's responses. God bless.

Thank you for this response and for the prayer

Chaplain David · Nov 16, 2017

You are very welcome.

Kristen.NewCreation · Nov 18, 2017

Thread Clean

This thread has been cleaned and posts removed to stay on topic and provide support and encouragement to the OP. If your post is missing, that is why.

Thanks.

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