Older women dating younger men 2017

JacksBratt said:

I have a 24 year old son. If he stared dating a 40 + woman, I would be concerned.

Is it selfish? I don't think so. It's logic kicking in.

A boy, and that's what they are at mid 20's, needs to be around people their own age. Experience all the things that young adults, if you call them that, experience.

It may be all nice and cozy at first, but this kind of "passion" and euphoria of early attraction, diminishes quickly.

Christian or not, there are many 40+ men out there in the same situation as the 40 + women who are out of a relationship for one reason or another. There are all kinds of activities, sports, functions, volunteering opportunities, church functions, that you can frequent and meet someone with your interests, experience, goals and common maturity.

Let the boy alone and find someone that needs someone like yourself and one that will complement what you need in your life at this time.

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what is the purpose of this reply

is your focus on helping the OP make the best possible decisions or lecturing her because you have a son?

you need to remember that this young man is "not" your son and the OP is not your subordinate hence they under no obligations to listen to your command of leaving the "boy" alone or whatever it is

anyway the "boy" here is in his twenties he is old enough to make his decisions

Yoona86 said:

what is the purpose of this reply

is your focus on helping the OP make the best possible decisions or lecturing her because you have a son?

you need to remember that this young man is "not" your son and the OP is not your subordinate hence they under no obligations to listen to your command of leaving the "boy" alone or whatever it is

anyway the "boy" here is in his twenties he is old enough to make his decisions

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You may not think the same way if you had a son in his 20's bringing home a recently divorced 43 year old woman, Christian or not.

Young men in their 20's don't think with their head. A recently divorced woman is, quite understandably, flattered by the attention.

What I am saying is that realistic and level heads are not even in the running here...

It's a set up for broken hearts.

So, that's my advice.... leave him alone and start shopping at the proper store.

After all........it's only advice.

Jera C. said:

So the last post about this that I saw was several years ago, but I came across it looking for similar advice.

I am a recently divorced 43 year old woman interested in a 25 year old man. I have had long discussion s with myself to get me to *not* be interested anymore but it really doesn't work.

My concern is that this kind of interest signals a problem (like a need for therapy) on one side or the other. Is that true? I do t min unconventional, but I do miss d unhealthy and/or unwise, and that concerns me.

The odd part is, when I ran the thought past friends, no one really thinks it's a big deal. I was shocked. I had two be somewhat hesitant (I understand, I am hesitant, or I wouldn't be here asking this) but they resolved it with, "well, if it's a God thing, then it's a God thing."

This is all speculation, mind you, but dang it, if this door opens I want to run through so I want all this junk resolved beforehand! Lolol! My feelings for him will have been officially making me crazy for a year next month. So far the only hope, if you can call it that, is that a friend said infatuations typically last six months to two years. That is no comfort really, as if that's all it is, I don't want to give it any more of my time never mind another year. But if it's not just that, honey...let's go!

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Real life...my brother's wife Jean is 20 years older than he is...they have
one son.
No, our mom didn't have a fit or cause them problems...they get
along fine and it so happens that Jean is also a nurse...and she
and I have things in common because I worked as a CNA/caregiver
for over 20 years.

Men are designed to still be able to procreate, some even into their 80's, even 90's, and of course the only women they can possibly do that with, are much much younger women.

Point being, God evidently has no problem with age differences. Plus I know of no scripture at all where it is so much as frowned upon.

Personally, I would only be interested in an older woman if I believed in short-term hookups. I don't believe in them.

In my opinion, the age difference is much.
I doubt if the guy remains committed to you as he is in the age of bloom. Rest take a wise decision.

Jera C. said:

So the last post about this that I saw was several years ago, but I came across it looking for similar advice.

I am a recently divorced 43 year old woman interested in a 25 year old man. I have had long discussion s with myself to get me to *not* be interested anymore but it really doesn't work.

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coming a little late, just wanted to say
love is an everlasting oasis from God, and so if it makes you happy, the thought of you two, then i wager go for it

Jera C. said:

So the last post about this that I saw was several years ago, but I came across it looking for similar advice.

I am a recently divorced 43 year old woman interested in a 25 year old man. I have had long discussion s with myself to get me to *not* be interested anymore but it really doesn't work.

My concern is that this kind of interest signals a problem (like a need for therapy) on one side or the other. Is that true? I do t min unconventional, but I do miss d unhealthy and/or unwise, and that concerns me.

The odd part is, when I ran the thought past friends, no one really thinks it's a big deal. I was shocked. I had two be somewhat hesitant (I understand, I am hesitant, or I wouldn't be here asking this) but they resolved it with, "well, if it's a God thing, then it's a God thing."

This is all speculation, mind you, but dang it, if this door opens I want to run through so I want all this junk resolved beforehand! Lolol! My feelings for him will have been officially making me crazy for a year next month. So far the only hope, if you can call it that, is that a friend said infatuations typically last six months to two years. That is no comfort really, as if that's all it is, I don't want to give it any more of my time never mind another year. But if it's not just that, honey...let's go!

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I myself was once (or twice) attracted to a Christian woman who happened to be older than me. I was disappointed that the social mores of our rather silly, hypocritical and ridiculous culture got in the way. I ended up with a younger lady who cares little for the Lord. Go figure!

Nothing against anyone in this topic who is for old with someone young, but I find it disturbing. Now my wife is from an asian country (no, not a mail order bride). We are only about 3-4 years apart. But 95% of the other women from her country are married to older men. Usually like a 20yo married to a 64yo. And I can't really say much to anyone because they say its judgmental and that love knows no age. But I disagree with that.

After a certain gap in age, your dealing with someone whos from a different world, with different views, different ideas, different maturity. For example the couples often fight alot because the young women don't understand how a older man things and vica versa. Or even easier put, a men from the 1950s isn't going to understand the mind of a woman from the late 1990s.

Also these older men tend to admit (to other men) they married the women because they wanted a young (almost childlike looking) looking woman that has a high sex drive. Eww. And sadly many of the women either don't see that or don't care because the men throw money at them. Almost like a escort really. And more importantly the women don't realize their marriage is not a fairy tale "Happily ever after!". They have 2-3 kids with the guy and hes passed on before the kids are even 10, if that. What a terrible childhood. Not to mention the guys kids who are older then the wife and have to call her mom. A 32 year old calling a 21 year old mom is so awkward at events. Men just are using the women.

To be fair sometimes they women are looking for money only too or a greed card. So in some cases the get what they deserve. Now there are a minority who seem to have legit love for each other. Even so I still find it creepy and have a hard time going to events with these people. Got nothing in common with the old men. I have more in common with the young wives really. Which means I either sit there saying nothing to anyone or I talk with the women instead.

Sorry for my long rant. As to the topic creator, I guess it comes down to who the person is dating someone younger. If the reasons are actual love, then I guess its ok.

My brother is married to a woman 10 years older. My mom is about 10 years older than my dad. Still happily married. So I don't see why age should be a barrier. It really depends on the individual situation and the people involved.

Here is my two cents -

I am dating a man who is almost 9 years younger than me. Yes, I have gotten guff about it from family and friends, but I ignored it and it stopped (it isn't their relationship). I am 46 (never married), he just turned 38 (divorced) (no it's not as large of a gap but it's there). He is of Asian descent and I am about as white as a person can be lol. It's an interesting mix to be sure, but after 7 months of dating and getting to know each other, we have only gotten closer and stronger in the relationship. I believe building a strong foundation of connections of the heart and mind are crucial to a successful relationship, as is letting God lead it. Keeping Him at the center, praying together, will add to the foundation and guide your heart concerning it.

My advice would be this:

If you dig each other, then go out, get to know each other apart from any physicality (which always just gets in the way of truly knowing whether you love the PERSON or the physical part of the relationship...as women, things can get all jumbled up in our hearts once the physical starts, yes?). See how you jive with each other, how you get along as far as interests, conversation, life philosophy, etc. If it is meant to be you will know it before you get into the complications of a physical relationship and thus throwing yourself fully into it. Take it slow and pray for guidance. Let God lead and you'll know whether it's of Him or infatuation.

At our age we have just about run out of "maybe in a few years" and are pretty full up on "if I had only given it a shot".

Anguspure said:

I myself was once (or twice) attracted to a Christian woman who happened to be older than me. I was disappointed that the social mores of our rather silly, hypocritical and ridiculous culture got in the way. I ended up with a younger lady who cares little for the Lord. Go figure!

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And who's fault is it that you ended up with a woman who cares little for the Lord?

You make it sound like you had two options.... go figure.

JacksBratt said:

You may not think the same way if you had a son in his 20's bringing home a recently divorced 43 year old woman, Christian or not.

Young men in their 20's don't think with their head. A recently divorced woman is, quite understandably, flattered by the attention.

What I am saying is that realistic and level heads are not even in the running here...

It's a set up for broken hearts.

So, that's my advice.... leave him alone and start shopping at the proper store.

After all........it's only advice.

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well, i do have two boys even if they are not in their twenties yet.

as a parent, but particular a Christian parent, i believe strongly in instilling the value of taking responsibility for one's own choices rather than passing the buck in mine children

now i do think when our children are young or in their teens certain allowance has to be made.

however, once mine boys reach their twenties and are believers, yet still don't think with their head, then there is a problem, and the problem does not lie in those around them

maybe it is time for you to start to encourage your son to man up and learn to take responsibility for his own choices, rather than blaming everybody else and expect everyone around him to accommodate him

as such if your boy is involve in the type of situation OP is mentioning here. He needs to take the responsibility for all the flirting etc that he is doing.

not blame the older woman for accepting his initiatives.

PropheticTimes said:

I am dating a man who is almost 9 years younger than me. Yes, I have gotten guff about it from family and friends, but I ignored it and it stopped (it isn't their relationship). I am 46 (never married), he just turned 38 (divorced) (no it's not as large of a gap but it's there).

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An 8 or 9 year age gap in your age bracket is nothing. Not sure why you are using it as an example of a successful relationship. It would be like someone asking opinions on Ford Mustangs and someone saying they have had a great experience with their Chevy Suburban. They're both vehicles, yeah, but completely different.

This thread is about a nearly TWENTY YEAR age difference. People with a 10 year age difference can joke about how one was spoiled by having a smart phone as their first phone instead of a flip phone. In this case, one of them has never know a world without flip phones, or internet, or video games.

It's an incredibly different culture gap. I work with a very intelligent and educated 27yr old. We're both former military, with college education in criminal justice, and a love for the outdoors. We have such vastly different views on the world and life because there is a 20yr age gap.

Servant68 said:

An 8 or 9 year age gap in your age bracket is nothing. Not sure why you are using it as an example of a successful relationship. It would be like someone asking opinions on Ford Mustangs and someone saying they have had a great experience with their Chevy Suburban. They're both vehicles, yeah, but completely different.

This thread is about a nearly TWENTY YEAR age difference. People with a 10 year age difference can joke about how one was spoiled by having a smart phone as their first phone instead of a flip phone. In this case, one of them has never know a world without flip phones, or internet, or video games.

It's an incredibly different culture gap. I work with a very intelligent and educated 27yr old. We're both former military, with college education in criminal justice, and a love for the outdoors. We have such vastly different views on the world and life because there is a 20yr age gap.

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Which is why I said to date him and see what differences show up. Yes, it's a large gap and there are many things at play, but perhaps this could be a good thing but who knows unless you try?

JacksBratt said:

And who's fault is it that you ended up with a woman who cares little for the Lord?

You make it sound like you had two options.... go figure.

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Yep, without going into detail, pretty much the case.

Servant68 said:

It's an incredibly different culture gap. I work with a very intelligent and educated 27yr old. We're both former military, with college education in criminal justice, and a love for the outdoors. We have such vastly different views on the world and life because there is a 20yr age gap.

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I don't think the difference in the way people of different ages view things is the real problem. My wife is from Indonesia. Our cultures are different. But we get along. One thing that unites us is our faith. We both believe in the Bible. We believe in doing what is right before the Lord. We have a lot of values in common. There are a lot of cross-cultural marriages that work, and I imagine the gap could be greater than the gap caused by age in the same country, if two people have the same faith and have godly values in common.

Hi...I have experienced a younger brother showing interest in me. It was a very difficult situation. The women his age were tremendously unkind and the women my age were a mixed bag of no big deal to very discouraging. My pastor reminded me that younger men likely want a family and asked if I was still able to have children. I thought that was a really good question and had to remember to consider the younger man. Any selfish motives on my part could not be an option in the equation. Just because it is possible does not mean it us profitable or does it glorify God.

The situation ended up causing many brothers and sisters at my church to stumble. And it has taken many years for the church to recover. Satan really used our flesh against us through gossip, slander, unkindness, bullying, and the like.

Now I chose not to enter into it to the point of denying communication with him, but he was so persistent that everyone ended up getting involved. Though it has been years later, it is still awkward to be around him. Many people are very sorry for what happened and have repented through their actions and the way they treat me. But be forewarned my dear. My experience was without my entering in and he was initiating. If your brother in Christ is considered to be desirable by the younger gals, issues can arise. You can't even imagine the things they will say and do. Good Lord! If things don't work out, you need to consider your position as the older woman in the future mentoring some of those younger women...awkward!! This doesn't take into account any friendships you may have with sisters who are in his age group. I lost most of my friends in that age group and even younger. Such a bummer!

Think it through my dear. Wait on the Lord. A Christian man needs to know how to LEAD and if his signals are not clear, direct and gentle with a protective touch, God is not saying yes at this time. It is hard enough finding a man our age who is solid in his walk with the Lord much less expecting a man at 25 to do it right. Read through Ephesians 4:17-end of 5. I will be praying for you!!

Yoona86 said:

well, i do have two boys even if they are not in their twenties yet.

as a parent, but particular a Christian parent, i believe strongly in instilling the value of taking responsibility for one's own choices rather than passing the buck in mine children

now i do think when our children are young or in their teens certain allowance has to be made.

however, once mine boys reach their twenties and are believers, yet still don't think with their head, then there is a problem, and the problem does not lie in those around them

maybe it is time for you to start to encourage your son to man up and learn to take responsibility for his own choices, rather than blaming everybody else and expect everyone around him to accommodate him

as such if your boy is involve in the type of situation OP is mentioning here. He needs to take the responsibility for all the flirting etc that he is doing.

not blame the older woman for accepting his initiatives.

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Your very presumptuous...about my boy and how he thinks, or how I allow him to or not.

Who do you think is more mature... a 25 year old young man or a 43 year old woman who has been married for several years? Who do you think has a better chance of making a decision based on lifes experiences or knee jerk emotional reactions?

I do not control my son, nor the decisions that he makes in his life. If he asks for advice, I give it. If he is telling me his plans and I see something that he is blind to, I shed light on it.

If he came home one weekend or holiday and stated that he was in a relationship with a 43 year old divorce woman..... I would give him the advice to take a good look at what he is doing, ask him what his plans are for children, logistics of a marriage in the next 15 years when she is ready to retire and he is hitting the best years of his life in light of contribution to society... then what happens when he is 50 and she is almost 70.

When I give advice... that's what it is.... advice. He, or any of my kids are left to their own mind to follow or ignore it...but.. I don't pull punches.

I don't want any of my kids coming to me, when their world is going into a spin, and saying "why didn't you warn me?"....

This scenario was brought to us by a 43 year old woman seeking advice...... In this case, I would suggest, for many reasons.... leave the boy alone.... seek someone her own age.

Sorry if that offends you. I wasn't concerned with whether I offended you or anyone else. I was giving advice to someone who is taking on responsibilities of a young impressionable man who has his life ahead of him, while she has lived a large portion of hers.

I don't think it's a big deal as long as it works with the two involved.