Trust - weakening

Halbhh said:

Haven't been in this situation, and you may find more in other answers sooner or later, but to say what I can answer I have to risk telling you some things you may already know to get to the full thing. A key thing I've learned (and I understand you already have at least part of it) in recent years is that marriages do better when we are relying on God and Christ first, and not on ourselves or our spouses primarily. That Christ is the center of the relationship in a sense. We are following Him, trusting Him, and not relying too much on our spouse as a source of what we most need, but only as a partial source of only some limited things we need, and not at all the main source of what we need the most, in our hearts, which comes from God instead. With this faith, we can then pray with faith for our spouse, as needed, and especially for our own heart at times. That our own hearts be healed in specific ways we individually need. I think you can and should pray very specifically for him and the problem he has, and also you can specifically ask other believers to pray with you. To have prayers answered, Christ told us to believe. That's a profound trust itself. One of the best ways to pray well is to read and do as Christ said in Matthew chapter 6, the prayer He gave us to pray daily. We can believe in this prayer because it is directly from Him. It's powerful. Pray it with full belief it will be given to you, and believing in every word. You are aiming to talk directly to God Himself. Also, we can greatly improve our lives by doing the greatest commandment, and we must over time do it also, because it's part of following Christ.

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Endeavourer said:

Taking active steps to eliminate the addiction is very important to the success of your marriage.

This link deals with an alcohal addiction, but much of it is applicable to other kinds of addictions, especially this sentence:

"...while in the state of addiction, there is no way for them to consider their spouse's feelings whenever they make decisions, a necessary condition for a great marriage. [The addictive substance] always comes first, even when it is at the spouse's expense."

Alcoholic Spouse #1

And this one, which contains this very important sentence:

"A good test of whether or not you are an [addict] is to ask yourself, am I willing to stop drinking entirely if it would make my spouse feel more comfortable? If total abstinence from [your substance] would be very difficult if not impossible for you, even if it made your wife more comfortable, you're an [addict]. [Your substance], in that case, would be more important to you than your wife's feelings."

Alcoholic Spouse #2

I would consider insisting he enter an addiction treatment program to prevent further damage to your marriage and finances.

Not having a plan is a plan to fail. I strongly recommend you consult with an addictions expert to come up with a plan on what you will require to stay in the marriage.

Now, I'm not saying to just quickly divorce, but you can take escalating steps short of that which may include possibly a separation if the addiction is harming your marriage. The separation would be to preserve your love for him and save your marriage because it would prevent his addiction from eroding your love for him every day.

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RedPonyDriver said:

so he bought pills from a dealer (strike 1) and sold pills AS a dealer (strike 2).

I dealt with a similar situation some years ago...prescription drug addiction. Found out a few interesting things. First...always assume the addict is lying, ALWAYS. The joke was "how do you know an addict is lying? Their lips are moving".

Give him a choice...rehab or you call the cops. Selling illegal prescription meds is a felony. Easy choice, rehab or you're busted. Don't play with this, don't play his game. Addicts are smart, manipulative and will tell you whatever you want to hear just so they can get their fix.

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