Celibacy

Raphael4 said:

I'm thinking about just becoming Celibate because I feel I can never be a true, honest to God man that a woman wants. I am too weird. Seeing people's expectations on this board when posting what they look for in a man, I see even for women who likely like weird, I will likely not reach their requirements in the long run. So why bother?

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Oh I understand this. I have been single for what seems forever now that celibacy has just creeped into my life. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. And trust me, I am so far from the standard men want for Christian women I have a feeling I will be staying this way until my dying breath... However, I have no control over this. I may, under God's blessing, find a man who will be able to deal with all my weirdness, desires for the future and bizarre sense of humour (and be able to deal with my family which is a subject unto itself).

Having a relationship, getting married, having kids and all the rest is still important to me it it not the central focus of my life. I have tried online dating and all that but as I grow older I know what is important to me and my perspective is constantly changing. I don't need to met the expectations of others. If I had wanted to have all that I could have compromised a lot along the way. And yes, I have missed some wonderful opportunities because I judged too quickly and harshly. I guess I wasn't ready - I was still caught up in my own world to see the truth.

But God is good. I still have pity parties every now and then (though my family is very good at slapping me over the face and telling me to build a bridge). I have goals and ambitions and a hope that one day through all this craziness I may be blessed. But even if I am not, God is good and I lean not on my own understanding because in time all things change including my mood.

I wouldn't put too much stock in what some people say are their expectations in a husband. Mostly because not everyone feels the same way or has the same expectations or the same amount of expectations. Also there are some who post here who are too idealistic, and too demanding. Some of the singles tend to be harshly judgemental towards others, which could be why they are still single themselves.

As far as yourself, if you feel that you would ask to much for what you would give in return, then make changes in your attitude and your own expectations. Give yourself more time to grow and become develope your relationship skills.

My suggestion to you is that unless you feel called by God to be celibate, or that is a commitment that you yourself are wanting to make, then don't make any vows or lifelong commitments to it. You never know how your life might change, or who you might meet later.

Dating sites give a sense of false hope because there are so many on them looking for someone to be with. So expectations are high, and you are able to "meet" a lot of people in a relatively short amount of time online. Then when it isn't working out, the let down is deeper than it would be if you were meeting people in natural social or work situation in person at a slower, real life, rate.

I'm not saying the dating sites are bad. But try not to let your emotions get too deeply involved unless you find someone you can spend face-to-face time with for a while and develop a realistic relationship with.

The internet is a blessing because it brings more people together. But it is also a curse because it can bring too many people into our lives too quickly. Keep your eyes open, and guard your heart.

You obviously are a very compassionate caring man. It is okay to just step back from actively looking and just be aware of who God brings into your life. I think that there is a "somebody" out there but she will be just as unique and special as you are. In the meantime, it is okay to live life with a focus on being single and setting up the perfect life for a single man. I know you probably don't really feel it, but you are still young.

you can choose to go through the process of self-improvement to make yourself an eligible bachelor or not.

totally up to you. all the best in whatever you choose.

I've chosen to be celibate and live as a celibate until God points me in the direction of a relationship. I spent so much time pursuing a relationship that the idea became an idol to me, so it's best for me to focus on myself for now. I guess you could say I'm indefinitely celibate, until such time God points me toward dating. Once I get married, I plan to be whatever the godly opposite of celibate is.

Raphael4 said:

I'm thinking about just becoming Celibate because I feel I can never be a true, honest to God man that a woman wants. I am too weird. Seeing people's expectations on this board when posting what they look for in a man, I see even for women who likely like weird, I will likely not reach their requirements in the long run. So why bother?

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I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I used to see myself as a celibate, mainly for the reasons you mentioned. But I think that a spouse isn't someone who fits completely the expectations, but someone to whom you still want to lean to when things aren't perfect, someone you still want to be near in order to solve the problems and move forward together. The difference between a non-candidate to a spouse and a candidate it's not that the last one fits our expectations (demands?) completely, instead, it's someone you just don't want to discard that easily, you want to learn how to deal with what you didn't expect and how to fit that unexpected trace into your reality. I believe this to be truth and worthy only if the people involved share the same principles, the same God, so they are certain to be growing in the same direction. God knows who we need, we have no clue, we don't know ourselves that good, let alone what other person has to bring to us; so the important thing is to be known by God, know Him, trust and enjoy the good surprises He has for us. We don't need to know, nor to solve everything right away. The idea of celibacy calms down the anxiety to know how the future is going to be; choosing celibacy, to me, was a sign of not putting my full trust in God's providence.
(I'm not including here those who have a natural gift to celibacy.)

Raphael4 said:

I think another thing about me, is I expect a little bit more from a Significant Other than what I can deliver myself. In a relationship where things should generally be 50-50, I'm not sure these ideas of mine would mesh well.

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If I'm not willing to be someone with something to add to a good man's life, then there's much work and self-analysis to be done before considering either celibacy or a relationship.