I didn't post this in the "Divorced" section, because I was advised that since I had never been married, that I don't qualify to post within that section, so I figured I'd go with the general singles thread...because this concerns the newly single or newly divorced or perhaps single people who are considering marriage that may end up in divorce.
We have a lot of divorces occurring these days not because of abuse, infidelity, or substance abuse, but because of "we grew apart" or "the marriage has become stale" which is kind of the same wheelhouse. I'm sure God isn't too crazy about these kinds of reasons, tossing someone away and replacing them like a new car, but it is what it is.
I was discussing breaking up with a female friend of mine, she has been single for several years, did finally meet someone though and we got to discussing how she finds it unacceptable that people break up for rather petty reasons or the ol' "we grew apart" thing. "Got bored of each other"
One day, they just got sick of looking at their spouse or their spouse becomes more of a roommate as the years go by.
I posted this article... "Why I'm Not Marriage Material"
From there she states when she was married, I'm thinking in her early 20s, and by the time they both reached their 30s, they were two completely different people, with completely changed beliefs and world outlooks.
"Irreconcilable Differences" is legalese for that.It's as if she was justifying the divorce due to that.
Then I saw this article in The Atlantic regarding how people are expecting way too much from their partners (or future partners).
There they talk about how some partners might differ in life goals...one is content in working a 9 to 5, 40 hr work week, while the other is pursing their ambitions in climbing the corporate ladder. Apparently, if they aren't aligned here, this could bode problems for the marriage, yes?
A typical comment of a marriage couple not in alignment...
"He’s a wonderful man and a loving father and I like and respect him, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship. I feel like I’m not growing and I’m not willing to stay in a marriage where I feel stagnant for the next 30 years."
Problem is, I'm probably this man. lol...but I'm not really seeing the issue here. How is he making it stagnant. Of course, that's her opinion. Why would this even be an issue?
The interview goes as far as to compare time periods in history given the reasons WHY people married. In the past, the woman was considered the nurturer, and not as aggressive...and the men of the old days were. Now, the roles have reversed or are kind of the same between the 2 sexes.
Now, expectations are different, and as a result, marriages aren't lasting because somewhere down the line, someone feels "stagnant" for whatever reason.
"There were relatively well-defined expectations for how people should behave, and in the 1960s, our society said, 'To he** with that'"
With all that said, I've always wondered if I was born in the wrong time era and probably would have preferred to have been born into the 1940s/50s.
But do you find it to be a cop out to use this as your reason for divorce?
We have a lot of divorces occurring these days not because of abuse, infidelity, or substance abuse, but because of "we grew apart" or "the marriage has become stale" which is kind of the same wheelhouse. I'm sure God isn't too crazy about these kinds of reasons, tossing someone away and replacing them like a new car, but it is what it is.
I was discussing breaking up with a female friend of mine, she has been single for several years, did finally meet someone though and we got to discussing how she finds it unacceptable that people break up for rather petty reasons or the ol' "we grew apart" thing. "Got bored of each other"
One day, they just got sick of looking at their spouse or their spouse becomes more of a roommate as the years go by.
I posted this article... "Why I'm Not Marriage Material"
From there she states when she was married, I'm thinking in her early 20s, and by the time they both reached their 30s, they were two completely different people, with completely changed beliefs and world outlooks.
"Irreconcilable Differences" is legalese for that.It's as if she was justifying the divorce due to that.
Then I saw this article in The Atlantic regarding how people are expecting way too much from their partners (or future partners).
There they talk about how some partners might differ in life goals...one is content in working a 9 to 5, 40 hr work week, while the other is pursing their ambitions in climbing the corporate ladder. Apparently, if they aren't aligned here, this could bode problems for the marriage, yes?
A typical comment of a marriage couple not in alignment...
"He’s a wonderful man and a loving father and I like and respect him, but I feel really stagnant in the relationship. I feel like I’m not growing and I’m not willing to stay in a marriage where I feel stagnant for the next 30 years."
Problem is, I'm probably this man. lol...but I'm not really seeing the issue here. How is he making it stagnant. Of course, that's her opinion. Why would this even be an issue?
The interview goes as far as to compare time periods in history given the reasons WHY people married. In the past, the woman was considered the nurturer, and not as aggressive...and the men of the old days were. Now, the roles have reversed or are kind of the same between the 2 sexes.
Now, expectations are different, and as a result, marriages aren't lasting because somewhere down the line, someone feels "stagnant" for whatever reason.
"There were relatively well-defined expectations for how people should behave, and in the 1960s, our society said, 'To he** with that'"
With all that said, I've always wondered if I was born in the wrong time era and probably would have preferred to have been born into the 1940s/50s.
But do you find it to be a cop out to use this as your reason for divorce?
