Endeavourer
Well-Known Member
- Aug 30, 2017
- 1,719
- 1,472
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Consider these articles while you are strengthening your connection with your wife.
They describe that every relationship has a love bank, where meeting emotional needs makes deposits and behaving poorly makes withdrawals. For a marriage the love bank account balance needs to stay above a minimum threshold for a couple to remain in love.
The Love Bank
This article provides some discussion about the several most common typical emotional needs your spouse may have:
The Most Important Emotional Needs
In researching over 10,000 couples, it was found that physical attractiveness is actually an emotional need of some people. Specifically, when their spouse was not physically attractive to the spouse, it caused the spouse to have frustration and the frustration would withdraw love units from the love bank. In some cases rather steadily depending upon how often the spouse felt frustrated.
This research was based not on anyone's values or how we "should" feel; it researched the actual results among many thousands of couples when this need was not met. Based on these findings, a very successful marriage counselor advises both spouses to take care that they do not become unattractive to their spouse.
Physical Attractiveness
I would not advise addressing the weight issue until you have ensured your emotional connection is strong and her love bank balance is high.
Eliminate withdrawals completely. You can absolutely do this if you decide to behave strategically towards your goal of a great marriage instead of reacting emotionally.
Love Busters
If you have an overall "average" relationship, three months of diligent attention to building her love bank without making any withdrawals should bring you to a point where next steps can be taken.
They describe that every relationship has a love bank, where meeting emotional needs makes deposits and behaving poorly makes withdrawals. For a marriage the love bank account balance needs to stay above a minimum threshold for a couple to remain in love.
The Love Bank
This article provides some discussion about the several most common typical emotional needs your spouse may have:
The Most Important Emotional Needs
In researching over 10,000 couples, it was found that physical attractiveness is actually an emotional need of some people. Specifically, when their spouse was not physically attractive to the spouse, it caused the spouse to have frustration and the frustration would withdraw love units from the love bank. In some cases rather steadily depending upon how often the spouse felt frustrated.
This research was based not on anyone's values or how we "should" feel; it researched the actual results among many thousands of couples when this need was not met. Based on these findings, a very successful marriage counselor advises both spouses to take care that they do not become unattractive to their spouse.
Physical Attractiveness
I would not advise addressing the weight issue until you have ensured your emotional connection is strong and her love bank balance is high.
Eliminate withdrawals completely. You can absolutely do this if you decide to behave strategically towards your goal of a great marriage instead of reacting emotionally.
Love Busters
If you have an overall "average" relationship, three months of diligent attention to building her love bank without making any withdrawals should bring you to a point where next steps can be taken.
Upvote
0