Recurring Problem

OK Jeff said:

for me anyway. It's been three weeks since the wife and I have "been" together. Most of our marriage has been twice a month on average. This is no where near enough for me. I've made this clear to her but I never ask for it. Any time I have through the years I've been treated like a pervert or a sex fiend. I told her years ago that the constant rejection was too much for me and that I would no longer ask for it. When she wants it, she comes to me. But now it seems we're slowing down even further. I'm considering herbs or something than can reduce my libido. Any mention of this to her in the past has drawn criticism or boarderline ridicule. Since I'm wrong to want my wife, how can I also be wrong to reduce my interest in a woman who's not interested in me. When things are good, they're really really good. It's just too infrequent for me. What shall I do? I'm open to any thoughts from anyone. I can handle constructive criticism.

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1 Corinthians 7, verses 3 to 5
A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is. Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.

Was like that for me. 31 years together and last 10 years NO physical contact.

Unfortunately I then had an affair a few years ago.

Don't let it get as bad as it did for me. You both need to talk about this and maybe seek professional advice too.

God bless you both.

PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM

And He said to them, “This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer.” (Mark 9:29)

One of the main truths you need to embrace with regard to Satan is understanding that people are not your problem. Satan is your problem. And Satan is their problem, too.

We Christians are all in the same war, and we all have the same enemy. Angels and demons are spirit beings without a physical form. Sometimes demons inhabit a form that they can use for their own ends. For example, Satan slithered in the garden as a snake. Jesus sent the legion of demons to drown in the bodies of swine.

Your problem isn’t the person you think it is. Your problem is that a demon is influencing them toward disruption.

Until you realize that your struggle is not with people but with the “spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places”—you will never live out the victory Christ Jesus has secured for you. The next time you face a challenge or enter into a conflict with someone, go to the Lord in prayer. On your knees, fight—and win—this battle, for the victory is the Lord’s. Pray for peace, protection, and wisdom for all parties involved and then watch what the Lord will do.

For His Kingdom,

Tony Evans

REFLECTION: In what relationship have you been tempted to think that the other person is your problem? What would Satan want you to do in regard to this person / issue? What does the Bible say about it? How can you pray for this person?

Dear Father, I ask You for peace, protection and wisdom in my own heart as well as in the hearts of those I am in conflict with right now, or may come into conflict with in the future. Grant us eyes to see what Satan is trying to do, and grant us the love that is necessary to treat each other with respect and honor as coheirs of the grace of God. Show us the right way to overcoming conflict and living victoriously under You. In Christ's Name, Amen.

If the husband is out of alignment with God it will be reflected in his marriage, kids, and all areas in his life. Your wife is a reflection how God feels about your rebellion against Him. Every man must be under the divine authority of God or chaos will be the visible result of his rebellion against God. When you are in alignment with the Lord, He will expand your capacity to receive more from Him.

When they ate of the fruit, God came and said, "Adam where are you!" Not Adam and Eve where are y'all. Genesis 3:9 NKJV

Many men want to know why God is not listening to me when I pray - because you are not under authority. You handle your money your way, not God's way. You handle your time your way, not God's way. You raise your children your way not God's way. You relate to your mate your way, not God's way. You're not under my authority and you want to know why does it keep raining on my head...because the umbrella is not covering you!

Every woman should say to their husband, "If you would follow Christ, I will follow you. Because you are under authority, I will be under authority." This will encourage your Husband to take his biblical role. Now the good news is he is under authority. The bad news is, if you don't follow him you are now insubordinate. Therefore God removes His hands from you.

God wants to bring His power, presence, and blessings in our marriage.

- Pastor Tony Evans

@OK Jeff I've been in your situation. It's frustrating at times. I found that you need to love your way into your wifes affection. I know that might sound strange but put yourself aside for a second and think..... What does my wife enjoy? What can I do to love her more? How can I better her day? Go out of your way for her, express yourself to her. Tell her you love her.

Eph. 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Try that, and don't do it half-hearted. Don't do it for the reward, but do it because you love her. You made a commitment to her when you said, "I DO!" Stick to it. Give it your all. I promise you that you will see a difference. You wife will begin to act differently to you and respond in a different way when she see's how you put her first.

iLove said:

If the husband is out of alignment with God it will be reflected in his marriage, kids, and all areas in his life. Your wife is a reflection how God feels about your rebellion against Him.

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Great. Blame the victim for the abuser's disobedience.

1 Cor 7 says to not keep your spouse (either way) sexually satisfied as "defrauding" them. Very strong terms. The greek word means to illegally withhold payment on a debt owed.

OK Jeff said:

for me anyway. It's been three weeks since the wife and I have "been" together. Most of our marriage has been twice a month on average. This is no where near enough for me. I've made this clear to her but I never ask for it. Any time I have through the years I've been treated like a pervert or a sex fiend. I told her years ago that the constant rejection was too much for me and that I would no longer ask for it. When she wants it, she comes to me. But now it seems we're slowing down even further. I'm considering herbs or something than can reduce my libido. Any mention of this to her in the past has drawn criticism or boarderline ridicule. Since I'm wrong to want my wife, how can I also be wrong to reduce my interest in a woman who's not interested in me. When things are good, they're really really good. It's just too infrequent for me. What shall I do? I'm open to any thoughts from anyone. I can handle constructive criticism.

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Is there any history of abuse for her, or any other known factors that would keep her from wanting sex in general?

OK Jeff said:

Not sexual abuse no.
......
Since she got pregnant with my wife at age 17, she hates her for ruining her life.

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So the sexual messages your wife got growing up were - what exactly?

Something similar happened in my wife's family. The mom was preg. with the older sister before they got married. So my wife got a TON of really negative sexual messages BEFORE puberty; so much so she was afraid her mom was going to discipline her severely when she got her first period. While it is not formally recognized as such, that is a form of sexual abuse and can have just as bad an impact as molestation or rape.

A half century later she still has major issues.

OK Jeff said:

I told her I didn't think she did and went back to sleep.

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I don't think that was a good idea or wise thing to say,imo.

OK Jeff said:

...Since I'm wrong to want my wife, how can I also be wrong to reduce my interest in a woman who's not interested in me. When things are good, they're really really good. It's just too infrequent for me. What shall I do? I'm open to any thoughts from anyone. I can handle constructive criticism.

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The hard truth is that your love is based on sex, and what you can get from it.

Most people in the world who love are conditional about it. Conditional love is not love but lust. It has an exploitative nature that only feeds one's ego (false-self). They believe they need to be loved to feel loved, and to get it they often bait the other person to get it. And when they get it, the satisfaction is short lived because deep down they know that the love they thought they got was not unconditional.

Unconditional love comes from Truth in whatever you love. It is loving the Love that loves you. In doing so, you become filled with love from your own heart. You don't need love because the truth is that you are love. The unconditional part in this is to not fear being loving. Not fear being exposed and vulnerable (being true, genuine, authentic, Spiritual you). In this way, you will realize that sex is for procreation and flesh lust only. It really has nothing to do with real love, but a false love.

OK Jeff said:

Why? It's how I feel...

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Ephsians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

The way I see it just because you feel she doesn't love you doesn't mean she doesn't. If she didn't love you she would walk out. Evidently she does love you and just needs some help to show you in the way You want to be shown. Imho,it doesn't help if after she says she loves you,you reply I don't think you do. You must consider her feelings,how would you feel if you said I love you to her and she said I don't think you do?.

OK Jeff said:

So I'm wrong to desire my wife?

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Desire is a want and not a word which supports the truth of unconditional love. A better perspective is adore. In this way we adore unconditional love that your wife has in her. Be grateful to witness it, for it is the expression of her truth. It is fearless, reliable, doubtless, unconditional (no wants/needs), it is rare and most precious. Instead of desire, adore her by loving her unconditional love that loves you.

It is a love that is found without wanting/desiring.

Adoration leads to Devotion which leads to Oneness.