Hey guys,
Oh how I miss being 12. I had a childlike faith that simply believed I was going to heaven, it was matter-of-fact, I strived for good morals and I easily believed everything taught in my church.
As I grew older I wanted something more real. My sister went to YWAM and said she had divine experiences seeing healings and people speaking in tongues/prophesying. I thought maybe we just don't see this stuff in Canada/US and I would need to go and see for myself. I went to a YWAM of my own and my faith was shattered from the ground up. I didn't know it was possible. I saw none of the miracles or "gifts" she was describing, only a group of people I found were somewhat deluded. I spent probably a month considering myself somewhat atheist/agnostic, which was seriously terrifying, I missed the comfort of the easy belief and I didn't know why this was happening to me.
Later on I considered myself theistic, I found the arguments of William Lane Craig/Ravi Zacharias and other apologists compelling so I believe there must be a God. Now I am committing all my time, my strength and my mind to research of apologetics, sincere prayer (I don't know why it's so difficult for me. Would you mind praying that I would be able to pray?) to find the real truth. The historicity of the bible has many valid arguments for it. When I consider all the Abrahamic faiths, true Christianity seems to be the most likely true out of all of them. It seems to stand out.
But day in and day out doubts swarm me. About whether I can even trust my own reasoning on this. About whether prayer works or does anything at all or if I am really just "tricking" my own mind into believing something that may be true or not. Christianity seems most likely out of all faiths I've researched, so really its a battle between Christianity in my mind and simply..not knowing what's true at all? I guess. It's strange but I just want to ask for prayer. I didn't think I would end this that way but if it does anything at all I really ask that anyone reading this with a genuine confirmed faith pray that I receive the same. I am so tired of doubts. I am even tired of apologetic research. I just want an absolute confirmation of the truth so I don't have to live in fear anymore.
Oh how I miss being 12. I had a childlike faith that simply believed I was going to heaven, it was matter-of-fact, I strived for good morals and I easily believed everything taught in my church.
As I grew older I wanted something more real. My sister went to YWAM and said she had divine experiences seeing healings and people speaking in tongues/prophesying. I thought maybe we just don't see this stuff in Canada/US and I would need to go and see for myself. I went to a YWAM of my own and my faith was shattered from the ground up. I didn't know it was possible. I saw none of the miracles or "gifts" she was describing, only a group of people I found were somewhat deluded. I spent probably a month considering myself somewhat atheist/agnostic, which was seriously terrifying, I missed the comfort of the easy belief and I didn't know why this was happening to me.
Later on I considered myself theistic, I found the arguments of William Lane Craig/Ravi Zacharias and other apologists compelling so I believe there must be a God. Now I am committing all my time, my strength and my mind to research of apologetics, sincere prayer (I don't know why it's so difficult for me. Would you mind praying that I would be able to pray?) to find the real truth. The historicity of the bible has many valid arguments for it. When I consider all the Abrahamic faiths, true Christianity seems to be the most likely true out of all of them. It seems to stand out.
But day in and day out doubts swarm me. About whether I can even trust my own reasoning on this. About whether prayer works or does anything at all or if I am really just "tricking" my own mind into believing something that may be true or not. Christianity seems most likely out of all faiths I've researched, so really its a battle between Christianity in my mind and simply..not knowing what's true at all? I guess. It's strange but I just want to ask for prayer. I didn't think I would end this that way but if it does anything at all I really ask that anyone reading this with a genuine confirmed faith pray that I receive the same. I am so tired of doubts. I am even tired of apologetic research. I just want an absolute confirmation of the truth so I don't have to live in fear anymore.
