Disgusted with husband

Atiredwife · Aug 11, 2017

I am married to a pastor. We have a 5 year old and a 5 month old. We have several issues:

1. He's a pastor and I don't feel like he provides for his family the way that the Bible instructs. He only works at the church full time but it really isn't full time. He will stay up part of the night watching Tv and then sleep in because he's tired. So at best most weeks he spends 20 hours on church such as meetings, rehearsals, etc. The church doesn't provide health insurance. I typically do but haven't been able to land a job. He will not pick up anything extra. It's the weirdest thing ever. Like I find myself just annoyed with being in the same room as him. I just can't understand what man wouldn't step up to take care of their family. We live in a rural area and I have filled out probably 40-50 applications with no leads. He wants us to stay in this area because he feels called but I told him I'm not staying and or being able to support myself. I have started to apply for jobs outside of the state to be able to support myself and my babies.

2. He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years. Didn't see anything incriminating but he knows I don't want them texting. Which is interesting. There's been many girls and I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten. I don't want to have sex because I have so many physical/emotional needs that are unmet in this relationship. I do but not often.

3. What little money he has he isn't wise with. Our mortgage is behind. We are completing at least the 3rd/4th remodification. I've tried Dave Ramsey with him but he's prideful and refuses to set a bidwgt or vision for the family that I can support. When we first married our money was together but after causing several overdrafts, I decided never to mingle our money together. Now after the house I never want to consign with him again. He spent money on his family reunion and our water was shut off because he failed to pay for it. He just doesn't have the same standards or goals about living that I do.

4. He doesn't strategically fix his mess! He's been driving without a license for the past 2-3 years. Nothing is urgent to him. There's no way I'd buy shoes or extra stuff like going on a family reunion unless my business is handled. Tried talking to his parents to get him help but they are naive or slow. They taught him how to church but not how to live and succeed IMO

5. I stay mainly for my kids not because I have a desire to be with him. I worry about how it will impact my oldest. I always wanted to have a family. Thought I did everything by the book and got this joker. So disappointed and hurt.

I am ready to go. I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

Neogaia777 · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife said:
I am married to a pastor. We have a 5 year old and a 5 month old. We have several issues:

1. He's a pastor and I don't feel like he provides for his family the way that the Bible instructs. He only works at the church full time but it really isn't full time. He will stay up part of the night watching Tv and then sleep in because he's tired. So at best most weeks he spends 20 hours on church such as meetings, rehearsals, etc. The church doesn't provide health insurance. I typically do but haven't been able to land a job. He will not pick up anything extra. It's the weirdest thing ever. Like I find myself just annoyed with being in the same room as him. I just can't understand what man wouldn't step up to take care of their family. We live in a rural area and I have filled out probably 40-50 applications with no leads. He wants us to stay in this area because he feels called but I told him I'm not staying and or being able to support myself. I have started to apply for jobs outside of the state to be able to support myself and my babies.

2. He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years. Didn't see anything incriminating but he knows I don't want them texting. Which is interesting. There's been many girls and I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten. I don't want to have sex because I have so many physical/emotional needs that are unmet in this relationship. I do but not often.

3. What little money he has he isn't wise with. Our mortgage is behind. We are completing at least the 3rd/4th remodification. I've tried Dave Ramsey with him but he's prideful and refuses to set a bidwgt or vision for the family that I can support. When we first married our money was together but after causing several overdrafts, I decided never to mingle our money together. Now after the house I never want to consign with him again. He spent money on his family reunion and our water was shut off because he failed to pay for it. He just doesn't have the same standards or goals about living that I do.

4. He doesn't strategically fix his mess! He's been driving without a license for the past 2-3 years. Nothing is urgent to him. There's no way I'd buy shoes or extra stuff like going on a family reunion unless my business is handled. Tried talking to his parents to get him help but they are naive or slow. They taught him how to church but not how to live and succeed IMO

5. I stay mainly for my kids not because I have a desire to be with him. I worry about how it will impact my oldest. I always wanted to have a family. Thought I did everything by the book and got this joker. So disappointed and hurt.

I am ready to go. I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

Leave him this post when you leave...

God Bless!

Truthfrees · Aug 11, 2017

wow

praying for you dear sister as per your request: I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

in Jesus name praying for you to receive everything you and your children need.

so sorry this is happening to you

Atiredwife · Aug 11, 2017

Truthfrees said:
wow

praying for you dear sister as per your request: I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

in Jesus name praying for you to receive everything you and your children need.

so sorry this is happening to you

Thanks! I just recently lost my mother. Now I understand time and I don't want to waste it with someone that isn't interested in changing or growing for the better of his family.

vinsight4u · Aug 11, 2017

Truthfrees · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife said:
Thanks! I just recently lost my mother. Now I understand time and I don't want to waste it with someone that isn't interested in changing or growing for the better of his family.

amen

that is very wise

you have a full plate and the desire to take care of your own business - awesome

praying for you to have the strength and ability to do the wise things God is showing you

praying for open doors to finances, shelter, support network, and everything else you need so that you and your children will have a good life in God's miraculous love and provision

“Paisios” · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife, it sounds like you have good reason to be tired, and that your husband needs good spiritual counsel (as well as financial and marital counsel) from someone. My condolences on the loss of your mother.

I am praying for guidance, discernment, strength and means to do what is necessary is this situation for the betterment of your whole family, in whatever form that may be, and I also pray for His peace and comfort to be with you and restore your spirit and wholeness. May God bless you.

Truthfrees · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife said:
I just recently lost my mother.

so sorry about the loss of your mother

praying for peace and healing for this deep loss you have experienced

Sanoy · Aug 11, 2017

He has no business being a pastor. The fact that he can balance being a pastor by day and send videos like that by night makes him a very deceitful person. This isn't just being a broken and weak man, this is "anti-social" behavior. Anti-social behavior is very dangerous. If he can live that lie with such ease know that he can do so with you much easier. I think you are right to be protective of yourself. I would start gathering evidence against him and have a plan of escape for you and the kids. All of us love God and Sin, but what kind of person would think it's okay to be a Pastor and do this sort of thing? A person who loved God would step down from being a Pastor. Only a wicked person, with no conscience would think it's okay to be a Pastor and send videos like that.

He needs to be removed from his role as a pastor as well, however you need to speak to a lawyer about that because it could be considered libel.

381465 · Aug 11, 2017

I truly hope and pray he wakes up and acts like half a man.
If it takes him losing his family for a time, so be it.

Trying not to express the anger I'm feeling. This is foreign to me. My pastor and friend works as a full time pastor with Sun AM and PM and Wed services, pastor/councillor at a rehab, school bus driver, etc.
I need him to work less. He probably works 70 hours per week.

Be strong. Think of babies first, then yourself.

Uber Genius · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife said:
I am married to a pastor. We have a 5 year old and a 5 month old. We have several issues:

1. He's a pastor and I don't feel like he provides for his family the way that the Bible instructs. He only works at the church full time but it really isn't full time. He will stay up part of the night watching Tv and then sleep in because he's tired. So at best most weeks he spends 20 hours on church such as meetings, rehearsals, etc. The church doesn't provide health insurance. I typically do but haven't been able to land a job. He will not pick up anything extra. It's the weirdest thing ever. Like I find myself just annoyed with being in the same room as him. I just can't understand what man wouldn't step up to take care of their family. We live in a rural area and I have filled out probably 40-50 applications with no leads. He wants us to stay in this area because he feels called but I told him I'm not staying and or being able to support myself. I have started to apply for jobs outside of the state to be able to support myself and my babies.

2. He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years. Didn't see anything incriminating but he knows I don't want them texting. Which is interesting. There's been many girls and I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten. I don't want to have sex because I have so many physical/emotional needs that are unmet in this relationship. I do but not often.

3. What little money he has he isn't wise with. Our mortgage is behind. We are completing at least the 3rd/4th remodification. I've tried Dave Ramsey with him but he's prideful and refuses to set a bidwgt or vision for the family that I can support. When we first married our money was together but after causing several overdrafts, I decided never to mingle our money together. Now after the house I never want to consign with him again. He spent money on his family reunion and our water was shut off because he failed to pay for it. He just doesn't have the same standards or goals about living that I do.

4. He doesn't strategically fix his mess! He's been driving without a license for the past 2-3 years. Nothing is urgent to him. There's no way I'd buy shoes or extra stuff like going on a family reunion unless my business is handled. Tried talking to his parents to get him help but they are naive or slow. They taught him how to church but not how to live and succeed IMO

5. I stay mainly for my kids not because I have a desire to be with him. I worry about how it will impact my oldest. I always wanted to have a family. Thought I did everything by the book and got this joker. So disappointed and hurt.

I am ready to go. I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

Lazy and unbounded is no way to go through life. Why call oneself a pastor if you can lead your own life? Or your family?

Narnia gave good advise. Tell him the next people you share it with is the church board. If there is no board then directly to the church.

rockytopva · Aug 11, 2017

Father I pray blessings on this request, motivation, direction, this marriage, and for a victorious life that will bring you glory in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the bbnradio.org Family Altar program... BBN Program Schedule

Vimi · Aug 11, 2017

Father God in the name of Jesus Christ, I pray on behalf of this dear sister who is at a crossroad. I pray against emotional decisions. I pray for the Lord's Wisdom to be her guide. I pray for the Holy Spirit to lead her into the green pastures of rest and beside the therapeutic waters of life.

Father God I pray that every contrary voice be silenced and dismissed from her hearing now in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. I pray that You Lord would visit her with dreams and visions and show her in the spirit realm what you are doing and what your plan is at this moment in her life. Show her the plan of the enemy too so that she doesn't walk in deception.

If a temporary vacation is permissible, dear Lord I pray that it will result in healing from the trauma of grief and healing from the disappointment from the marriage. May all her needs be granted for her and the children. Matthew 6:33

Let God arise in this marriage and in this sister's life. May all enemies and every adversary be scattered! Lead her into the ways of Truth Lord for your Word is truth your Son Jesus Christ is the Way the Truth and the Life. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Greg Merrill · Aug 11, 2017

Atiredwife said:
I am married to a pastor. We have a 5 year old and a 5 month old. We have several issues:

1. He's a pastor and I don't feel like he provides for his family the way that the Bible instructs. He only works at the church full time but it really isn't full time. He will stay up part of the night watching Tv and then sleep in because he's tired. So at best most weeks he spends 20 hours on church such as meetings, rehearsals, etc. The church doesn't provide health insurance. I typically do but haven't been able to land a job. He will not pick up anything extra. It's the weirdest thing ever. Like I find myself just annoyed with being in the same room as him. I just can't understand what man wouldn't step up to take care of their family. We live in a rural area and I have filled out probably 40-50 applications with no leads. He wants us to stay in this area because he feels called but I told him I'm not staying and or being able to support myself. I have started to apply for jobs outside of the state to be able to support myself and my babies.

2. He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years. Didn't see anything incriminating but he knows I don't want them texting. Which is interesting. There's been many girls and I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten. I don't want to have sex because I have so many physical/emotional needs that are unmet in this relationship. I do but not often.

3. What little money he has he isn't wise with. Our mortgage is behind. We are completing at least the 3rd/4th remodification. I've tried Dave Ramsey with him but he's prideful and refuses to set a bidwgt or vision for the family that I can support. When we first married our money was together but after causing several overdrafts, I decided never to mingle our money together. Now after the house I never want to consign with him again. He spent money on his family reunion and our water was shut off because he failed to pay for it. He just doesn't have the same standards or goals about living that I do.

4. He doesn't strategically fix his mess! He's been driving without a license for the past 2-3 years. Nothing is urgent to him. There's no way I'd buy shoes or extra stuff like going on a family reunion unless my business is handled. Tried talking to his parents to get him help but they are naive or slow. They taught him how to church but not how to live and succeed IMO

5. I stay mainly for my kids not because I have a desire to be with him. I worry about how it will impact my oldest. I always wanted to have a family. Thought I did everything by the book and got this joker. So disappointed and hurt.

I am ready to go. I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage.

Father, I come requesting Your "major" power for these "major" requests. This man needs much straightening out. Obviously it is going to take a "heavy" hand, seeing he has gone as far as he is. I pray that You will intercede in his life, and provide in her and the children's lives. May You open his eyes to these major problems, and be to him a rescuer and deliverer, Daniel 6:27. Amen.

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