How I wish God had never created me

derpytia · Aug 10, 2017

I have been robbed of anything that could ever make life meaningful for people. I have so many debilitating conditions and disabilities and I'm so far behind in life. I'll never get married though I desperately want to because I wouldn't wanna marry me. I'll never have children if I ever wanted any because I would not be able to properly take care of them. I can't go out and enjoy things like other people. I will never be able to travel. I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people. I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

I am so sad all the time and I can't take medication because it exacerbates my conditions (I've tried so many) and my health insurance covers nothing.

I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

“Paisios” · Aug 10, 2017

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, and I will pray that you will be delivered from your distress.

Aseyesee · Aug 10, 2017

We all play our part, knowingly and unknowingly ...

If not for the darkness, God would have had no where to call light out of.

Korean-American Christian · Aug 10, 2017

derpytia said:
I have been robbed of anything that could ever make life meaningful for people. I have so many debilitating conditions and disabilities and I'm so far behind in life. I'll never get married though I desperately want to because I wouldn't wanna marry me. I'll never have children if I ever wanted any because I would not be able to properly take care of them. I can't go out and enjoy things like other people. I will never be able to travel. I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people. I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

I am so sad all the time and I can't take medication because it exacerbates my conditions (I've tried so many) and my health insurance covers nothing.

I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

May Jesus be with you always

May God be glorified through you

0f28e36f4c5e7a505db2c4f5b65aaa0--Jesus BEST.jpg

96c7118f9e0930af091e35d41f1c14--jesus precious.jpg

timewerx · Aug 10, 2017

Don't look out, look inside.

Roseonathorn · Aug 10, 2017

Our cats are such a blessing, they really are a comfort too and they do not need to be taken care of as much as a dog. Perhaps an older cat that does not tear down the house and hang in the curtains might become a very good friend of Yours and brighten Your life a bit. Not everybody are miss or mr Beutyful or Health Supreme and not every family is perfect either, many crash and then one has to pick up pieces and start again.

Sarah G · Aug 10, 2017

I am sorry that you are so afflicted with depression, sorrow and physical ill health. You feel that you are missing out on many things but if you look at other prayer requests and advice threads here on cf you will see that many of us are suffering precisely because of the things you wish you had. Marriage and children can be a source of misery to the point that we wish we could just ditch it all and go live in a cave or kill ourselves to end the stress and pain. Similarly being out in the world with all its temptations and evil delivers up multitudes of problems and miseries. Maybe your path is meant to be one of quiet contemplation and solitude. Whatever cross we have to bear it seems unbearable and it is without surrender to Jesus and His will for us.

The (free pdf) book The Scars That Have Shaped Me really helped me see how my various afflictions can actually bring me closer to God.
https://document.desiringgod.org/the-scars-that-have-shaped-me-en.pdf?1498054609

PoetStorm · Aug 10, 2017

derpytia said:
I have been robbed of anything that could ever make life meaningful for people. I have so many debilitating conditions and disabilities and I'm so far behind in life. I'll never get married though I desperately want to because I wouldn't wanna marry me. I'll never have children if I ever wanted any because I would not be able to properly take care of them. I can't go out and enjoy things like other people. I will never be able to travel. I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people. I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

I am so sad all the time and I can't take medication because it exacerbates my conditions (I've tried so many) and my health insurance covers nothing.

I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

Derpytia, I've known friends with debilitating disabilities, one almost completely locked in his body going around in a wheelchair with life support. It is not an easy thing to accept limitations. And healthcare is a terrible scary thing these days. It's so hard to get care.

If you're open minded, you can find a way to connect to people. If you're typing on a forum, then you can talk to and encourage people who need it, and others can encourage you. My friend in the wheelchair...he was able to obtain a bachelor's degree. He does counseling now, or did last I saw him about 10 years ago.

You may not get everything you want out of life, few do, but keep your eyes on God and find ways to stay connected. You never know what could happen or what He may use you for. Sending prayers.

Adstar · Aug 10, 2017

derpytia said:
I have been robbed of anything that could ever make life meaningful for people. I have so many debilitating conditions and disabilities and I'm so far behind in life. I'll never get married though I desperately want to because I wouldn't wanna marry me. I'll never have children if I ever wanted any because I would not be able to properly take care of them. I can't go out and enjoy things like other people. I will never be able to travel. I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people. I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

I am so sad all the time and I can't take medication because it exacerbates my conditions (I've tried so many) and my health insurance covers nothing.

I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

Life is indeed hard... very hard for some.... I would encourage you to try and spend some time contemplating Eternity and how our faulty bodies will be transformed into perfect eternal ones and how we shall never feel pain or cry or suffer sickness when we are with God forever and ever..

The darkness in this world can be overwhelming if we cannot see the light at the end of our tunnel.. Keep walking forward as best you can.. Persevere.. This life time is as nothing compared to Eternity.. Sooner or later we will be with Jesus

keep thinking about that..

(((((derpytia))))) hugs

Faith Alone 1 Cor 15:1-4 · Aug 10, 2017

derpytia said:
I have been robbed of anything that could ever make life meaningful for people. I have so many debilitating conditions and disabilities and I'm so far behind in life. I'll never get married though I desperately want to because I wouldn't wanna marry me. I'll never have children if I ever wanted any because I would not be able to properly take care of them. I can't go out and enjoy things like other people. I will never be able to travel. I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people. I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

I am so sad all the time and I can't take medication because it exacerbates my conditions (I've tried so many) and my health insurance covers nothing.

I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

1 Cor 1:27
But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

1 Samuel 16:10-12
Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath not chosen these.

And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here all thy children? And he said, There remaineth yet the youngest, and, behold, he keepeth the sheep. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he come hither.

And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he.

God usually choose the 2nd best , first will be last and last will be first , he show his power and glory making the worst of the wors like Saul , he was killing early christians and God made him apostole to gentiles and from a murderer he became follower of christ and by his gospel we are saved today .

God must choose you for some purpose too , you have to find out what it is .

Btw you will get married soon or later to Christ himself in heaven at mariage supper of the Lamb after rapture .
You will get glorified body which will never die and has no pain , maybe you suffer much now to have much inheritance in millenial Kingdom .

Love you

Solomons Porch · Aug 10, 2017

Praying for you

derpytia · Aug 11, 2017

Things just keep getting worse. My computer hard drive crashed today and now my computer with all my stuff on it is gone and won't start up and it will cost me $1000 dollars to either repair it or get a new computer. I don't have that kind of money and I don't have a line of credit and I couldn't bear asking my mom when she has so many other things to pay off.

Not mention I found out that a woman who wrote a Christian book about how she struggled through over 100 surgeries since an accident when she was little and how she overcame her difficulties and was able to have a loving husband and a child of her own body is now dead. She died before I even read the book and I had no idea. She died months after the book was published. God allowed her to go through all of that just to die. There was no help for her in life and God never allowed her relief from the pain.

I've been crying nonstop and my heart hurts so much right now. My mom won't give me a hug because she's not good at compassion. I can't go see my therapist because I have no money and my insurance doesn't cover it. I have no friends that I can talk to in person. I am so heartbroken right now. I'm so tired of being in pain and so tired of suffering. God allows me to constantly go through this to no purpose. I know He loves me and His ways are higher than mine but I wish He would pull off a miracle for me. Several miracles. I just don't have the strength to carry on anymore.

My life has no purpose. I can't even glorify God in this state. I don't understand anything and I feel so dejected and alone. I wish God could be physical because then I wouldn't feel like I'm talking to air. I wouldn't feel so alone. I wish I was alive and present when Jesus was on this Earth because I know if I would have asked him for help or even just a physical hug He would have given it to me. I need one so badly. I need to feel that I'm loved in that way.

If I am saved then why does God not take pity on me. I realize that sending Jesus was already supposed to be sufficient enough for us all. But I am a weak person and it's not sufficient. Nothing is sufficient.

I just want the pain to stop.

“Paisios” · Aug 11, 2017

derpytia said:
Things just keep getting worse. My computer hard drive crashed today and now my computer with all my stuff on it is gone and won't start up and it will cost me $1000 dollars to either repair it or get a new computer. I don't have that kind of money and I don't have a line of credit and I couldn't bear asking my mom when she has so many other things to pay off.

Not mention I found out that a woman who wrote a Christian book about how she struggled through over 100 surgeries since an accident when she was little and how she overcame her difficulties and was able to have a loving husband and a child of her own body is now dead. She died before I even read the book and I had no idea. She died months after the book was published. God allowed her to go through all of that just to die. There was no help for her in life and God never allowed her relief from the pain.

I've been crying nonstop and my heart hurts so much right now. My mom won't give me a hug because she's not good at compassion. I can't go see my therapist because I have no money and my insurance doesn't cover it. I have no friends that I can talk to in person. I am so heartbroken right now. I'm so tired of being in pain and so tired of suffering. God allows me to constantly go through this to no purpose. I know He loves me and His ways are higher than mine but I wish He would pull off a miracle for me. Several miracles. I just don't have the strength to carry on anymore.

My life has no purpose. I can't even glorify God in this state. I don't understand anything and I feel so dejected and alone. I wish God could be physical because then I wouldn't feel like I'm talking to air. I wouldn't feel so alone. I wish I was alive and present when Jesus was on this Earth because I know if I would have asked him for help or even just a physical hug He would have given it to me. I need one so badly. I need to feel that I'm loved in that way.

If I am saved then why does God not take pity on me. I realize that sending Jesus was already supposed to be sufficient enough for us all. But I am a weak person and it's not sufficient. Nothing is sufficient.

I just want the pain to stop.

I can't say what purpose God has for your life in any specific way. I am sorry that your pain and suffering seem to be getting worse. I only know that when I was at my lowest, so down that though I wanted to die I didn't even have the energy or will to do it, that God met me on the lake shore, and told me "You are not alone. You are loved." And I believe with all my heart that this was not a message for me alone, but also for you, derpytia. I will keep praying for you, and I hope that your situation will improve. [virtual hug]

Solomons Porch · Aug 11, 2017

Prayers for you derpytia :prayer:

HosannaMostHigh · Aug 11, 2017

derpytia said:
I'll never be able to do anything to make a difference for other people.

That's not true because up until about a half hour ago I had no knowledge of who you were yet this sentence just broke my heart and I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face, my heart breaking for you. Don't ever say you make no difference for other people because you have made a world of difference to me and I'm sure without realizing, you have touched countless other people's lives too. You're clearly a very good and kind person and that shines through the posts I've read of yours.

derpytia said:
I just will never be able to be a normal human and do normal human things. God knows this and yet chose to create me anyway. I really wish he hadn't.

God doesn't make mistakes. You're here because He wanted you to be. If it helps, my health is pretty rubbishy too, perhaps not to the level yours is, however, I do understand and I do care and He most definitely does. He knew your name before you were even born because you are part of His creation and that's a beautiful thing.

derpytia said:
I don't wanna die but I really wish I didn't have to suffer like this anymore, knowing the future is so bleak and knowing that it will only get worse.

I'm sending out a BIG HUG to you

PoetStorm · Aug 11, 2017

derpytia said:
Things just keep getting worse. My computer hard drive crashed today and now my computer with all my stuff on it is gone and won't start up and it will cost me $1000 dollars to either repair it or get a new computer. I don't have that kind of money and I don't have a line of credit and I couldn't bear asking my mom when she has so many other things to pay off.

Not mention I found out that a woman who wrote a Christian book about how she struggled through over 100 surgeries since an accident when she was little and how she overcame her difficulties and was able to have a loving husband and a child of her own body is now dead. She died before I even read the book and I had no idea. She died months after the book was published. God allowed her to go through all of that just to die. There was no help for her in life and God never allowed her relief from the pain.

I've been crying nonstop and my heart hurts so much right now. My mom won't give me a hug because she's not good at compassion. I can't go see my therapist because I have no money and my insurance doesn't cover it. I have no friends that I can talk to in person. I am so heartbroken right now. I'm so tired of being in pain and so tired of suffering. God allows me to constantly go through this to no purpose. I know He loves me and His ways are higher than mine but I wish He would pull off a miracle for me. Several miracles. I just don't have the strength to carry on anymore.

My life has no purpose. I can't even glorify God in this state. I don't understand anything and I feel so dejected and alone. I wish God could be physical because then I wouldn't feel like I'm talking to air. I wouldn't feel so alone. I wish I was alive and present when Jesus was on this Earth because I know if I would have asked him for help or even just a physical hug He would have given it to me. I need one so badly. I need to feel that I'm loved in that way.

If I am saved then why does God not take pity on me. I realize that sending Jesus was already supposed to be sufficient enough for us all. But I am a weak person and it's not sufficient. Nothing is sufficient.

I just want the pain to stop.

Sending all the hugs. Listen, you just have to take one thing at a time. If you think of it all at once it will overwhelm you. Please believe I've learned from experience.

Take some time to break what's bothering you into smaller pieces, and then try to outline some potential action you can take for just one or two of them. Because even a small change in the right direction will help you feel better and in a little more control of your life even if you can't change everything.

If the most urgent thing is your PC, it shouldn't cost $1,000. We've built computers for under $400 from scratch at home, and it sounds like you have at least some working parts. See if you can order a cheap hard drive first and put that in, maybe it will work. You can get some good deals if you look around for under $100, even cheaper if you don't need gigabytes and gigabytes of space.

Secondly, counseling. I have been looking into free counseling options myself for something I am going through. I found a few but this one looks promising. Mind I haven't tried it yet. But it does clearly state it's free. 7 Cups | Online Therapy | Free Counseling Online (Chat) And don't forget we're here too.

No matter what you can or cannot do due to the challenges you're with, you glorify god by your perseverance and patience, the fact that you're on here talking to other people of faith, and doing what you can with what you have where you are. (I think Teddy Roosevelt said something like that.

) My heart goes out to you so much. I'll be praying. *hugs* <3

HosannaMostHigh · Aug 12, 2017

PoetStorm said:
Secondly, counseling. I have been looking into free counseling options myself for something I am going through. I found a few but this one looks promising. Mind I haven't tried it yet. But it does clearly state it's free. 7 Cups | Online Therapy | Free Counseling Online (Chat) And don't forget we're here too.

Yes, I can vouch for 7 Cups. It's a very good site. If you join up (and this is done anonymously, you are given a completely anonymous and random username) you also have the option to take part in the forums there and chat with others around a whole list of interests and topics. Joining up is better because you can also tailor who you speak with should you wish to talk with a Counsellor. You can look for people who profess the Christian faith and that will be helpful to you. Some Counsellors are better than others, however, everyone there who has trained up to Listen does so because they care.

How I wish God had never created me

Compassion.

Sinner

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raised Presbyterian. member of the Nazarene Church

the village i--o--t--

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Pro-peace, anti-war, anti-violence.

Wanderer in the wilderness

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Solomon's Porch

Compassion.

Sinner

Solomon's Porch

God works for the good of those who love Him

Wanderer in the wilderness

God works for the good of those who love Him

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