What is "tough love" and are you a fan of it?

Godlovesmetwo · May 3, 2017

There's a danger in speaking in absolutes. Absolutely never smack a child? Absolutely always smack a child?

ValleyGal · May 3, 2017

Absolutely, never make an absolute.

But....don't hit your kids.

Fabric lover · May 3, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
Glad you didn't give in to such an ultimatum.

She wanted to be the boss. The best part is that her 12 year old is a thousand times worse than she was. Payback is sweet.

Paidiske · May 7, 2017

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Bluerose31 · May 16, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
It depends what you mean by tough love. Some will say "tough love" requires hitting a child when they are naughty for instance. Others will mean, just having strict boundaries and rarely being flexible about moving those boundaries.
Tough love doesn't just apply to parenthood. It can apply to partners in relationships. Friends. Siblings. Colleagues at work. Being a boss at work. Being a pastor, priest even.
"Kindness" can be such a vague word. Am I really being kind to a friend I don't want to see anymore , by simply ignoring them? They'll get the message that I don't like their company without me saying anything?
You gotta be cruel to be kind? Is that right?
I think directness is good though sometimes. Better to know someone's boundaries clearly, even they might come across as borderline rude.
I'll think of more examples later.

I'm not a fan of tough love. I imagine it can have its needed times. I am more into gentle love.

The Brown Brink · May 17, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
There's a danger in speaking in absolutes. Absolutely never smack a child? Absolutely always smack a child?

I'm not afraid of absolutes.
I've absolutely never "smacked" a child in my life.
Never once.
Nor will I tolerate anyone else doing so in my presence.

I read books before I raised children.
I studied for years before I taught children.

Perhaps if some parents would LEARN how to raise children, they wouldn't feel the desire to "smack" them.

The Brown Brink · May 17, 2017

A violent parent is an ignorant parent.

Godlovesmetwo · May 17, 2017

The Brown Brink said:
I'm not afraid of absolutes.
I've absolutely never "smacked" a child in my life.
Never once.
Nor will I tolerate anyone else doing so in my presence.

I read books before I raised children.
I studied for years before I taught children.

Perhaps if some parents would LEARN how to raise children, they wouldn't feel the desire to "smack" them.

I feel smacked!

The Brown Brink · May 17, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
I feel smacked!

I'm sorry...

Words are very effective...

Godlovesmetwo · May 17, 2017

The Brown Brink said:
I'm sorry...

Words are very effective...

aha
see, words can be violent as well. You think smacking people with words is OK?
So instead of hitting a child with your hand, you hit them with psychological torture? Shaming? Making them feel guilty? Sarcasm? Intimidation? Bullying?
That is much worse than an occasional smack on a two year old's behind.

The Brown Brink · May 18, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
aha
see, words can be violent as well. You think smacking people with words is OK?
So instead of hitting a child with your hand, you hit them with psychological torture? Shaming? Making them feel guilty? Sarcasm? Intimidation? Bullying?
That is much worse than an occasional smack on a two year old's behind.

Are these your only disciplinary choices?
Either hit a child or use mental anguish?

Really?

Godlovesmetwo · May 18, 2017

The Brown Brink said:
Are these your only disciplinary choices?
Either hit a child or use mental anguish?

Really?

I think the more combative posters on here betray their parenting skills.

Godlovesmetwo · May 18, 2017

This is just another example of political correctness gone berserk. I'm not advocating hitting children but the hardcore PC posters are having a field day when they can sniff any chance of putting the boot in.
God knows what goes on, in reality. That's all that matters.

The Brown Brink · May 18, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
I think the more combative posters on here betray their parenting skills.

The stress of parenting is enormous.
Too many people try to raise children using their "gut."
This does not equip them.

Ignorance can make a baby.
But it doesn't raise one very well.

lismore · May 18, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
It depends what you mean by tough love. .

'Tough' and 'love' are a contradiction in terms. Love is kind.

Godlovesmetwo · May 18, 2017

lismore said:
'Tough' and 'love' are a contradiction in terms. Love is kind.

I wish it were as simple as that. But the strict teacher you had in High School, might also have been the kindest, in the long run.

Gluttonous Winebibber · May 18, 2017

bettercallpaul said:
It depends what you mean by tough love. Some will say "tough love" requires hitting a child when they are naughty for instance. Others will mean, just having strict boundaries and rarely being flexible about moving those boundaries.
Tough love doesn't just apply to parenthood. It can apply to partners in relationships. Friends. Siblings. Colleagues at work. Being a boss at work. Being a pastor, priest even.
"Kindness" can be such a vague word. Am I really being kind to a friend I don't want to see anymore , by simply ignoring them? They'll get the message that I don't like their company without me saying anything?
You gotta be cruel to be kind? Is that right?
I think directness is good though sometimes. Better to know someone's boundaries clearly, even they might come across as borderline rude.
I'll think of more examples later.

I just remember that, God also uses tough love, but only after certain other things fail.

Godlovesmetwo · May 18, 2017

Gluttonous Winebibber said:
I just remember that, God also uses tough love, but only after certain other things fail.

From what little I've read of the OT, God uses it a lot with the Israelites.

Mare Liberum · May 19, 2017

Instead of indulging caricatures of the imagination, examine the word love. Can love be anything but tough? Loving someone dear through difficulties and offenses is as tough as disciplining a person dear out of love. Some find one easier than the other, and some make loving them easier than most. Not all situations or people will be easy or dear, but no matter our temper, wisdom should be taken not to offend God ourselves, because it is God we offend when we sin. Likewise a friend's contrition and repentance should be considered before breaking a relationship, which it is sometimes very appropriate to do, that God might bless both friends from escaping the turbulence with thanks to God and possibly greater care for their well-being.

rocknanchor · Aug 6, 2017

lismore said:
Tough' and 'love' are a contradiction in terms. Love is kind.

And subject to the seasonal events of life,

I think to be bold against some, who think of us
as if we walked according to the flesh.
(2 Corinthians 10:2)

What is "tough love" and are you a fan of it?

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