The tears of my sobbing beseeching and drenching your toes have found pity in your soul for me!
Glory to God!
You have decided to post on this thread!
Here is what happened: I spent a 36 year lifetime trying to heal my own soul...
I failed, and looked only to the very near end of my life...
In that broken state, across three Christmasses, I encountered God...
I KNEW, in this encounter, that I had eternal Life, that my previous life had been answered, that I had relief from its symptomatology, and that the God I KNEW was NOT, for an indisputable FACT, the Christian God...
So I spent the next 14 years walking with Him, exploring all the spiritual traditions I could find in the world to discover ANY other people who KNEW God as I did... I found NONE... I found one individual, passing through town - Almost no others, in 14 years of looking... That one was a Christian... He KNEW God as I do... A clue lost on me...
All the while, God had been bugging me to read the Gospel of John, and in my 14th year of knowing Him, I relented, and making no sense whatsoever of "In the beginning was the Word...", I began ..."reading it in Greek, dusting off old college skills, where it 'opened' for me...
And when I got to chapter 12, after the Raising of Lazarus, God came over my left shoulder and 'mentioned': "You know, the same Spirit that caused this Book to be written is the One that brought you forth out of darkness..." And, still focused on a translational issue, I casually turned to my left shoulder and said: "Well, that's crap..." and turned back to the Greek...
And heard a soft "hhhmmmmm..."
And stopped, and said: "Wait a minute! That was God!"
And I turned back and said in a modified whine: "But I don't even LIKE Christians!"
And He said: "Don't attack them..."
And I said: "But Lord! Who will minister to their ministers? These guys are SERIOUSLY messed up?"
And He said again: "Don't attack them..."
I was scandalized!d And I said: "I am a Christian???"
And I paced the living room rug in figure eights for some time...
So that was how I 'found' Christ...
And later, reading vol 2 of the Philokalia, I FINALLY found the guys who are MY guys, who know God as I know God, and more... And then I encountered them in Orthodox Monasteries... There are not many... And they are more advanced than I am, and are able to disciple what I found outside that discipleship, and what I couild not disciple...
If I were to tell people to do what I did, and if they did it, they would end up dead or behind bars or worse...
The Nous of Christ is not something that can be commanded to man, for man cannot decide to choose it... He can only repent... Christ has to GIVE it, because it is HIS to HAVE and to GIVE, and no one else can do so...
If anyone is willing...
after Me to be coming...
let him first deny himself...
then take up his cross...
and follow me...
You liked my translation!
But denial of self comes first...
I hope you understand now that the path I followed is a dangerous one - I am the only one I know who has followed it and survived to know God...
We do a life confession the night prior to Baptism, and I tried to warn my Priest ahead of time, without success... And three days later, at a dinner at his house, his wife said to me: "Arsenios, you have lived an interesting life. Why don't you write a book about how you became Orthodox?"
And he replied to her: "And he would scandalize every person even thinking about approaching this Faith!"
Trust me - IF you knew the means, you would too...
It was the whole path...
It amounted to what monastics spend a lifetime attaining...
I went through my whole soul cleaning it out...
It amounted to a Baptism without a Priest...
"I will be found by those not seeking Me..."
I can only assure you that what I did is NOT what Christ discipled to the Apostles...
I am more like Paul - He was seeing to the binding and killing of the followers of Christ...
He did NOT disciple that path to Christ...
Well God bless your path and its continuance in daily prayer...
For myself, He is just always pretty much present...
I hope Paul's eample above will change that imo...
The son is the inheritor, and all belongs to him, but at the beginning, he is little more than a slave/servant... I can't remember where to find that quote... It came from the Bible...
This darkening is caused by the distractions of the world, which darken it regarding that which is un-worldly - eg God and the Kingdom of Heaven not OF the world...
Remember that the Way of the Lord was Obedience to the Father...
And that the Way He discipled was obedience to Him...
And that the Way He prescribed to the nations was obedience to the Apostles...
"
Teaching them to carefully guard ALL that I have COMMANDED you (to be doing)..."
I do not remember writing this...
A totally darkened nous is one totally immersed in the world...
A totally enlightened nous is one totally immersed in God's Light!
We are not our thoughts...
We GENERATE thoughts...
We precede thoughts...
The person that produces thinking is not the thinking he produces...
The nous is not really an organ, but is more a faculty...
Empty your mind of all thinking, and you will know what the nous is...
An incounter with God silences thinking, in a purified heart...
Thank-you for your prayers and for coming to me with matters that you thought were not being encouraged by me... Forgive me for giving you the sense that some things won't wash here...
Your tears-drenched toes are my treasury!
Arsenios
This post is too long!