I will pray for you, brother. But you must pray for yourself too! If you truly want to know God, and know why He has made you... You must believe in Him and that He will show His face to you. Have you said the sinner's prayer? To have God work miracles in your life, you need to accept truly that you are imperfect... You have to lift up your sins to God and let Him wash them from you. Every evil you have ever done will be forgiven of you, as long as you forgive yourself enough to allow God to enter into your life...
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.
But small is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and only a few find it. - Matthew 7:13-14
1 John 4:16 - And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
http://biblehub.com/greek/846.htm
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
http://biblehub.com/greek/846.htm
1 John 4:19 - We love him, because he first loved us.
This road is hard honey. But it is worth it... Keep searching and seeking the truth, and you will inevitably find it! Do not give up, and turn your face towards God. He loves you more than you'll ever know... And He will never hurt you or cause you to suffer at His hands, because... He is not like us. He is perfect, and He cares deeply for His creations.
.
