Why can't single people be happy?

Stabat Mater said:

Whenever I'm catching up with someone they're like pittying me and feeling sorry for me being single.

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Here's the question though: do you feel your decision merits the pity of others? If you don't, then them pitying you is exclusively their problem, because they're too small-minded to appreciate and respect the calling on your life and the decision you made to follow it.

I'm 30, and I was single (and if we're defining single as "unmarried", I still am) for several years and I couldn't have cared less what anyone thought about that, even though I saw the 'looks' occasionally. Recognize that celibacy is just as much a compelling way to live as any other way of life that is aligned with God's Natural Law, and if another person doesn't see it that way then it's their loss.

We're all going to bump up against people who don't understand, don't appreciate, or are flat out hostile and intolerant of the choices we make because it's like a sign of contradiction. It's entirely juxtaposed to the warped ideas that secular society has for how people should live their lives: noncommittal, undisciplined, lustfully but not lovingly. Basically too much vice and not enough virtue.

So be bold in your choice, if someone else responds in an odd way when they learn you're celibate feel free to enlighten them but if they're unreceptive, they can deal with it.

Stabat Mater said:

I have found the one and his name is Christ. I've made my choice, I'm celibate.

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And that is what I love to hear.

Stabat Mater said:

Perhaps, but for those called to marriage having a faithful and devoted spouse may be of great spiritual aid and help one through life.

I've always felt that I wouldn't be married, I'm loving in many ways and not at all emotionally damaged or so.
I've just felt that it's God and I through childhood through my Catholic conversion until this very day.

There simply isn't enough room in my life in Christ and Mary for any girlfriend or wife.

I cannot be the husband a lovely Catholic woman deserves cause I'm to much committed in my faith.
I don't want a wife or deserve a wife seeing how I think a woman should be treated as a princess by her husband.

I'm to much like Paul in some ways though a lot more sinful I'm afraid.

Some are called to marriage, others are not and I'm the latter.

Well I'm pleased to be walking my journey in faith without sharing my life with a wife, but there are things I'm struggling with as any human does I suppose.

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I'm certainly somewhat similar I feel when it comes to having a vague idea of the calling, but my tale may have had to do with psychology, because I was sexual from a young age, and celibacy is contrary to my very nature. It may simply have, 'stood out'.

I think, funnily, celibacy was something I disliked before, my psychology and my sexual issues, everything is set against it. I'm naturally a very romantic man. It stings a bit right now, sometimes resentfully.
But I love that God can make a man even do that which is entirely contrary to his nature!

It feels a bit like my childhood, envying other kids! It's like asking the Lord, "Father, why did you give them this and not me?"

When I was close to Christ, however, I did not mind it one bit - I fear I am low on grace. Dreadful state to be in!

I personally believe that except in cases like my own, celibacy should always be a love decision made willingly, such as in your case. That's how I've generally seen it done in history too, such as in the case of John 'Praying' Hyde. Other men, in their love and zeal for Christ simply end up that way, such as Felix Neff, and Robert Murray McCheyne.

However, I know that crosses, being the handiwork of God for His individual children, are made very lovingly and caringly for us. That's an insight I've been granted very recently.

That, and hey - Revelation certainly speaks highly of celibacy.

quatona said:

And your point being?

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There's no biblical mandate for marriage or celibacy. The biblical mandate is to glorify God with your life in either circumstance.

@Stabat Mater

Yeah I can definitely relate. I'm celibate myself and usually whenever someone comes over, they ask the typical question of "do you have a boyfriend?" To which I reply "nope". But that simple answer doesn't quite satisfy the majority. It's often met with"why not?" Which is extremely annoying and something I really don't want to have to explain. Why can't others simply be satisfied with a 'no' answer and not probe? Is it truly their business? Lol..I'm just tired. Literally. Busy nurse shift + walked home in the blistering heat. Thankfully I arrived safe despite major face sunburn.

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Tons of single people are happy
Just ask the ones who have been gaslighted, ghosted, or worse

I'd say there are a good number of married folks who are wishing they were single right now too
I'd also say be thankful for your singleness and work on finding genuine friendships and drawing closer to God like many people mentioned

Stabat Mater said:

You seem to have misread my post. I actually like being celibate for most of the time, all I need is for others to understand that I'm happy with my life as so.

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Ahh I see. I'm so used to reading the opposite

It's other people's patronizing comments about my singleness that plagues me...

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yeah I think family can be particularly harsh

THE W said:

There's no biblical mandate for marriage or celibacy. The biblical mandate is to glorify God with your life in either circumstance.

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And there was me almost thinking you were trying to appeal to Paul as a sinless person.

I'm lost in this thread. What is so wrong with me showing some attention and affection to special lady? I know what you're thinking. Until she makes up her mind shouldn't I keep interested in other cute Women? Yes you are right. All that is explained in my pepperoni pizza and star wars.

I get how it is. "When are you going to find a man" seems to be an oft asked question to me from other people. I'm not even sure how to answer them except to say that I'm fine the way I am and God has a plan for me.

I feel like being single is just my default position at this point and I'm okay with that. I am fine with the fact that I may not ever find someone. It doesn't bother me like it used to. I know I probably wouldn't be anyone's first choice and I don't exactly have a good enough personality to attract a man, but God made me who I am and I am complete on my own through Christ.

I know it's hard being asked such invasive and insensitive questions such as the reasons for our singleness, but I think people just don't understand where we are coming from or understand our experience in life. It's a foreign concept to most. But it shouldn't bother us. Let them think what they want.

Stabat Mater said:

Why can't they?
I'm single or more precisely I'm celibate cause I'm not suited nor called to marriage and to fornicate outside of marriage is sinful and not an option to me.

I'm soon to be turning twentyseven and I've not been in any sexual relationship in my life. Actually I've not been in a relationship ever.

Whenever I'm catching up with someone they're like pittying me and feeling sorry for me being single.
It's tedious cause I'm not about to go looking for a wife anytime soon or at all which makes these "poor you" comments very tiresome.

I'm good looking, healthy and slender so I could find myself a wife but guess what I'm feeling called to celibacy. Why is my singleness of anyone's business but mine?

Is there anyone else feeling this way in here?

Also, I'm quite sure some people wonder if I'm homosexual because I'm a devout Catholic without a desire to marry which believe me is not the case.

To be looked upon as a misfortune, gay and poor guy is very a annoying in the long run.
I'm studying theology and I might become priest someday and then it'll hopefully be put to rest, but until then this nuisance is plaguing me to no end.

Has anyone but me experienced this or something related in here?

Sorry if I'm coming of as whiney, but I'm just sick of the patronizing I'm experiencing and have done for about ten years already.

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People tend to naturally assume that others hold the same values, ideals and feelings that they themselves hold. Happens all the time ("You must be proud...", "It must be great to...like you", "Sorry to hear that." etc.etc.).
Being empathic requires us to do that, to an extent.
The more your values, ideals and feelings deviate from those of the majority, the more you will experience this.
It´s a way of showing care. I´m afraid you will simply have to inform them about your values, ideals, and feelings. Always makes for an interesting interaction.