Finding beauty in the most unattractive people

ReesePiece23 said:

When you kiss someone so passionately it stops time, the last thing on your mind is what they look like. That warm feeling that starts in the pit of your stomach and spreads throughout your entire body, is a feeling you can only experience with someone who understands you 100%. THAT is what beauty is to me. The feeling of every life affirming memory, Birthday, Christmas and new year coming together as one. That's love folks.

Superficial looks are just that, and the feeling of true love is becoming ever more buried under false pretences and Instagram selfies.

If someone understands you, snap them up.

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That was beautiful.

CodyFaith said:

We live for Christ, those who are Christ's, we don't live for the flesh. The flesh worries about sex all the time and beauty and attraction and the opposite sex.

We only live for a short time on this earth. The more you, or anyone (myself included as lately I have been focused on these things aswell) focuses on this sort of thing, instead of building up the body of Christ and serving Christ, the less rewards we'll have in the afterlife, the less blessed of a life we'll live, unhappier, unfulfilled, ever-lusting lives, and most importantly - too much of I and not enough of everyone else will cause our hearts to grow colder and the less servants we'll be.

This is not directed specifically to you alone, it's a reminder to everyone including myself. Singles has had enough of this lately in my, and many other's opinion.

If we aren't building each other up constantly, we are hating our brothers and more specifically in these instances: our sisters in Christ.

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I was just reading Galatians 5 this morning. That chapter goes along well with your post.

It's interesting to view the contrast between walking in the Spirit and being filled with the fruit of the spirit ( gentleness, love, meekness, patience) vs being consumed by lusts and jealousies. I find it interesting that when professing Christians don't harness their lusts and appetites, that mean spiritedness and jealousy seems to follow. So the key I think to avoiding the type of behavior that Paul refers to as biting and devouring each other is to put to death these lusts and passions and focus on spirutual things.

To answer the OP, the way to see beauty in all is to stop thinking about appearance and actually give yourself to prayer and meditation. From a sober perspective, people all around us are lost without the knowledge of Christ. What are we doing to reach these people? I guarantee that if we spent more time trying to reach everyone in our life that we would care a lot less about who is a 10 or date worthy. Sure, we aren't going to become oblivious to looks and appearance, but the obsession with it will disappear. Definitely the harshness and bitterness will. We can choose to focus on how much easier attractive people have it in life and relationships or maybe we could think about how Christ suffered and was made perfect through his trials. (Hebrews 5). This life isn't about fairness or begrudging others who we perceive to have it easier. Our example should be Christ and his obedience. If you are following Christ in truth it doesn't matter how beautiful you are or not. You are still going to face suffering, adversity, and trials.

We had a great opportunity in Singles to form friendships, fellowship, and encourage everyone. Even share dating advice and disappointments. It could have been a lot of fun and informative. It still could be if members thought carefully before creating threads and posting. If a thread is just designed to create controversy or put down aspects of the opposite sex it's best not to share it

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

Well I first must say I am very glad to hear from you again, and I completely agree with what you are saying here. This thread isn't about any particular gender so I hope it hasn't been perceived that way by anyone. And as always

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Your thread makes me feel bad because it reminds me of my past mistakes.....or mistakes I wouldn't have made!

I could have been married since early twenties or right after I graduated college. There was this nice and smart Russian-looking lady in college hitting on me but I didn't reciprocate her feelings because I didn't trust the Russians, a very stupid thinking I had at that time from my present point of view.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

When I was younger I was a lot more picky about looks and things of that nature. I think though when you grow older you tend to find beauty even in some of the most unappealing people physically. I now really don't think it is too hard to find attraction or beauty in someone who may not be the most appealing, I wouldn't consider this settling either. I just think that if God looks at peoples hearts and judges them based off of the inside than the outside, then maybe it's not such a bad idea if we do as well? It's also not so hard to do either once you act in love.

I definitely look at people differently than I did as a teenager for instance. I think a lot of people can be beautiful or attractive while not really being very physically attractive. I remember my philosophy professor telling me something similar about socrates being so ugly and yet was so beautiful. Perhaps we should be more open to going with people who aren't the most appealing outwardly but gems inwardly? I think thats a good approach and view to dating.

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Yeah, people tend to be more realistic/down to earth as they age.

I've learned to find more people attractive as I've gotten older. Mainly learning about biological cues that can make people attractive, even if they have features one does not consider very attractive. And yeah, seems like being more self aware of these things helps.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

I mean theres no point in dwelling on the past but I know there was some other girl you said liked you and wanted to be in a relationship with you but you said you felt you weren't in the right situation for it. I definitely understand that but I think if a woman wants to be with you, she definitely thinks you are good enough and if such situations arise in the future which I'm sure they will, maybe at least consider taking a chance and being with someone even if not everything is perfect. It's risky sure but if your long term plan is to be with someone things will never be exactly perfect, so just have to take things as they are and take a chance

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She wasn't the only one, there's three more during my teens. I had a different standard then and now, I would find them quite attractive.

However, it could be a big mistake for me if I got married that early. Married people tend to stray so far away from the truth. And now that I already know where to look, maybe, I could finally take that chance.

I'd like to quote something that @timewerx wrote in another of @ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat 's threads:

“At this stage, I could probably marry a Klingon and it wouldn't matter!”

ReesePiece23 said:

When you kiss someone so passionately it stops time, the last thing on your mind is what they look like. That warm feeling that starts in the pit of your stomach and spreads throughout your entire body, is a feeling you can only experience with someone who understands you 100%. THAT is what beauty is to me. The feeling of every life affirming memory, Birthday, Christmas and new year coming together as one. That's love folks.

Superficial looks are just that, and the feeling of true love is becoming ever more buried under false pretences and Instagram selfies.

If someone understands you, snap them up.

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What you describe is superficial love. Those feelings you experience don't last forever, and a relationship that tries to base itself on it will eventually crumble.

Not attacking you. I am sure you were being more poetic than literal. But for those who base love on a superficial feeling in their bowels, (yes bowels. To the Jew, heart referred to the seat of consciousnes, mind and thought, and the bowels were the seat of emotion. consider that when reading scripture. much of it will make more sense)

Love is not a noun. It is not something you feel or possess. It is a verb. It is something you do. Not so easily defined, Paul defined what it is and is not:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NASB
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails

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the best way to define love is by the way Jesus demonstrated it to us. Love is sacrifice for another. Loving someone is making a sacrifice for that person. I think that sums up every successful marriage I have ever encountered. two people who sacrificed anything and everything for each other.

We are to love (make sacrifices for) everyone. But the person we truly love is that person that we are willing and able to sacrifice our lives for the way Christ sacrificed his for us.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

This brings up an interesting question I had after watching this youtuber. Basically it goes something like lets say you fall in love with someone, but the thing that made you fall in love with them changed. Whether it is looks or personality changes etc. The question is, if the reason you loved them was based off of something that is no longer true about the person, and you no longer love the person. Does this mean you never loved the person but just things about them? If so what does it even mean when someone says they love a person? how do we define person? Is joe still joe if hes no longer attractive or now bitter instead of sweet? It just makes you question what is love? is true love even possible? Is love not based off of looks/personality even possible? Just a few things I've been pondering about.

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it means you were infatuated by some aspect(s) of the person. But you didn't truly love the person. True love endures all changes because it isn't based on specific things about a person. Studies show that the more you sacrifice for someone, the stronger your bond becomes.

I heard in a sermon once, and I could never find it to relisten , that in eastern culture there is no word for thank you (or something like that). and the reason for it is because gratitude itself is not a sufficient payment for a gift (just stay with me lol). when a person gives another a gift, it is with the expectation that the other person will return with a better gift. and this keeps going back and forth strengthening the bond between the two.
Don't quote me on this, don't bother arguing because I can't find the source, just take it with a grain of salt. It has been shown that doing favors for someone strengthens your bond.

true love is the love of Christ. It is not based on looks/personality. whatever you do, however you change, Christ still loves us. Still sacrificed for us.

Note: arranged marriages tend to be very successful. Two people being forced to marry hardly knowing each other. They learn to love each other because true love is not based on knowing each other. it is based on sacrifice for each other.

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

This really makes me want to watch that show where 2 people are randomly married lol the promos for that look so interesting.

Edit: Its called married at first sight

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I'm not sure about tv shows. I'm just speaking about the statistics. I read an interesting article a while back about arranged marriage in the Bible, and how Christians are supposed to be practicing it as well. Betrothal and so forth. But I'm not sure. I also read that the author was a bit of a nut and got into some pretty hot water. and it is too late for all of us anyway

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

Unless...HOT TUB TIME MACHINE!???

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?

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

I just assumed if something was too late a hot tub time machine would solve the time problem.

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What is a hot tub time machine. Is it a time machine built into a hot tub as opposed to a delorean

ImAllLikeOkWaitWhat said:

Basically yes. I can't exactly show any images of the actors in the hot tub in the movie "hot tub time machine" but definitely like top 5 comedy of all time.

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first, that's a bad movie. Why are you watching movies like that?

second, no way a movie like that is top 5. maybe your top 5.

but most importantly, you shouldn't be feeding your mind and soul with that kind of filth. It's not good for your spirit.