Praying for you, brother. Jesus told us to love God with all our heart, soul and our being and to love our brothers and sisters as we love ourselves. Keep your eyes on Jesus and strive to do as He commanded us to do. You need not fear unpardonable sin when you seek Jesus with all your heart, soul and being. He is your answer. Lean on Him and ask Him for forgiveness and forgive all people that have hurt you, including yourself.
God bless you, brother in Jesus name. Amen.