Godly wife

What I'm looking for in a lady:
-Serves God and puts Him first.
-Godliness and Modesty.
-Someone that has a servant's heart that tries to help others.
-Reads the Bible and prays often.

As far as Godliness...
- Heart of God and His Kingdom
- Compassion for her fellow humans

-Loves God
-Honest
-Ambitious
-Fun
-Sense of humor
-Cares for others
-Will be supportive and understanding
-doesn't play petty games
-mature

If I can find a lady with most of these qualities, I'd be one happy dude.

Yes, having a submissive spirit is important. I didn't say it, God did. And seeing as how I'm probably going to go into ministry at some point in life, I believe it would be important for my future wife to have a heart for that also. One thing I'm going to look for when the time comes is if she has led anyone to the faith in Jesus.

Someone who works so I can eat good for once

I've learned not to have much in the way of preferences when it comes to a future spouse. People have a way of coming along and throwing a monkey wrench into your list, and I don't want to limit myself to only getting to know certain types of people. But as far as Christian faith goes, if she is pursuing Christ and seeks to live biblically, she's likely going to be a keeper.

Edit: This is why I always feel challenged to be working on my own pursuit of Christ and living biblically myself.

Philippians 2:1-8 illustrates the submission that we should all have, as Christians. Therefore, yes. If she is going to do many things out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, and in arrogance value herself above other people, always looking to her own interests and rarely if ever looking to the interests of others (including mine), why would I want to marry her?

Respect is absolutely crucial. If she habitually disrespects me, and doesn't value what I have to say or honor agreements, why would I want to marry her?

Someone who sees good in me.

TheGirlOnFire said:

Ok dudes,

what are you looking for in a godly wife?


Is a woman being submissive a big key for you ?

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I would say yes, only because my ex-wife had no respect for me whatsoever.

Here's the rub: western culture has made "submission" into a dirty word because the secular world has associated it with bondage, slavery, and in recent decades all kinds of psycho-sexual connotations.

So, right or wrong, I think the synonym "deference" gets the point across where "submission" causes people's minds to drift into inappropriate areas. Both sides need to respect the other, as well as love the other. If either of those elements are lacking it crumbles pretty quick. I can't emphasize enough how emasculated and disrespected I felt when my ex-wife would regularly ignore my wishes, my advice, my decisions and either do whatever she wanted to do in the first place, or go and get a second opinion from her parents and then act according to that. I was never the final word on anything that involved more than just me. Lo and behold, our marriage barely lasted four years. I'm not saying that was the sole reason it failed, but it was a big one.

At some level, I want my wife to defer to me on issues of the family. I'm capable of acknowledging a woman's wisdom, knowledge, and expertise on a given issue and can consider it or defer to her if I think it's appropriate. But I need her to trust me. If I've married her that means I love her, and if I love her that means I would move the world for her. So I would hope that she trusts me to lead her and our family in an upright manner.

Beyond that, to me a Godly wife is a woman who conforms completely and totally to the teachings of the Catholic Church and finds full satisfaction in Christ, the Sacraments and the life of the Church that He and His Apostles have left us.

Don't care about being submissive.

I simply want a woman who's easy to please.

I'm not looking for a wife, did that, don't need to do it again.
I do look for friends. female and male, with whom I can have a good time in the Lord.

I don't have some rose tinted view of what I want a woman to be, because in a relationship situation, I am 50% responsible.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a sit at home wife though. Surely, a woman grew up with ambitions and dreams beyond being a house wife for me. I couldn't have a woman moping about the house all day with unfulfilled dreams and not acting on them. I'd insist on her pursuing them, even if it ran the risk of us drifting apart.

Everyone should put themselves first IMO. My caveat is honesty about what you really want. Don't hold back for me.

Manwë said:

I would say yes, only because my ex-wife had no respect for me whatsoever.

Here's the rub: western culture has made "submission" into a dirty word because the secular world has associated it with bondage, slavery, and in recent decades all kinds of psycho-sexual connotations.

So, right or wrong, I think the synonym "deference" gets the point across where "submission" causes people's minds to drift into inappropriate areas. Both sides need to respect the other, as well as love the other. If either of those elements are lacking it crumbles pretty quick. I can't emphasize enough how emasculated and disrespected I felt when my ex-wife would regularly ignore my wishes, my advice, my decisions and either do whatever she wanted to do in the first place, or go and get a second opinion from her parents and then act according to that. I was never the final word on anything that involved more than just me. Lo and behold, our marriage barely lasted four years. I'm not saying that was the sole reason it failed, but it was a big one.

At some level, I want my wife to defer to me on issues of the family. I'm capable of acknowledging a woman's wisdom, knowledge, and expertise on a given issue and can consider it or defer to her if I think it's appropriate. But I need her to trust me. If I've married her that means I love her, and if I love her that means I would move the world for her. So I would hope that she trusts me to lead her and our family in an upright manner.

Beyond that, to me a Godly wife is a woman who conforms completely and totally to the teachings of the Catholic Church and finds full satisfaction in Christ, the Sacraments and the life of the Church that He and His Apostles have left us.

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Can I clarify, because I think a lot of guys here would agree with you... but when you say " defer to me" does that mean when you and your wife dont agree on an issue, it has to be your way not hers?

I wonder if I was a girl. There are a lot of what "guys want" that I would not want to be. I'm going to take a look at the girls' section and see what I think. Maybe there should be a "what I have to offer the opposite sex" thread.

Zoii said:

Can I clarify, because I think a lot of guys here would agree with you... but when you say " defer to me" does that mean when you and your wife dont agree on an issue, it has to be your way not hers?

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It means that I hope she trusts my judgment when I've determined the right course of action, even if she doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I'm smart enough to know what I don't know, so if I can't make that decision without her, I won't. But in cases where I can, I would hope that she defers to my judgment unless it's illegal or heretical. Neither does it mean that there won't be compromise or that her choices will always be superseded. Of course not.

Example:

I worked for a TV station for several years, including the four that I was married. I worked a lot of nights. My ex said she felt lonely and asked to have a cat, I was hesitant because of the rules about pets at our apartment but cats are chill so I relented. A couple years later, I was still working nights. We lived in a different apartment by then but it had even stricter rules about pets. This time she asked for a puppy. Everyone in her family had a Pomeranian so she wanted one too. I said flat out no. Dogs were too risky to have in our apartment, especially one with the rules ours had. They're not as quiet as cats, they can be messier and more destructive. It seemed like she understood where I was coming from intellectually, but emotionally she wouldn't let go and kept asking.

Finally, for some reason, I relented again and we got a puppy. We had the pup less than eight hours when she realized what I was talking about and ended up having to give the pup away to some friends within about 24 hours. She didn't trust that I knew what I was talking about, or that I was making a smart decision by saying no. In the end we were out some money, and she was heartbroken to give the pup away.

I'm not making some kind of claim that women are less intelligent or their judgment is more emotionally clouded than mens, but my ex never demonstrated trust in my decisions and undermined me on several occasions when I knew what the right thing to do was. In the case of the puppy my ex was being objectively unreasonable, and I was trying to put my foot down in a situation that I knew would be risky. She didn't respect that.

I want someone who can take care of me, and read me bed time stories.

My life is messy, and it always will be. No precise list would reflect what I want or who I am. But I do not think God and his people are tricksters. It is enough to say I can love and trust another whose life is also a mess.

proverbs 31:10-31
titus 2:4-5
1 peter 3:1-6

yeah...her.

THE W said:

proverbs 31:10-31
titus 2:4-5
1 peter 3:1-6

yeah...her.

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I'll just take one of these and deal with whatever personality I get.